Day 9- Something You're Proud of in the Past Few Days

I am not one to readily admit I have been wrong. I guess maybe it is because most of the time, I usually am right and that tends to make me a know-it-all and kind of a smart ass. I dont do it intentionally...I just sort of come off that way.

I have been seeing a therapist lately because of several issues that have been going on with my family, my father in particular. This therapist has pointed out several things about my parents that I have never realized before. He also pointed out several things that I do in my relationship that mirrors what my parents do in theirs.

One of these things I mirror from my mother is playing the victim. I poke and push and provoke Victor until he cant take it anymore and lashes out at me. Then I play the whole "I dont deserve for you to yell at me/You dont have a reason to be so mad/Why would you speak to me that way?" role. But the truth is that if you provoke someone enough times and for a period of time, they are inevitably going to explode. How could I not expect Victor to lash out when I have been nagging him incessantly?

After having that very life changing and very difficult epiphany, I have been making the effort to catch myself doing this. And I have caught myself..more than once. The first time I caught myself, I walked away from him, took several minutes to compose myself and then actually took responsibility for my actions and gave him the true and heartfelt apology he deserved.

I was very proud of myself because I set my pride aside (which was difficult), accepted responsibility (which was more difficult) and said "I'm sorry" and actually meant it from the bottom of my heart (which was the most difficult). It felt liberating to do this and it took him by surprise. He never expected it and it definitely shifted the dynamic of our relationship. So in the end, it was so worth it