Your Only Flaw, You Are Flawless

Can we talk about how flawless Demi Lovato is? Yes, I know she is a Disney star. Yes, I am fan girling. Yes, I am aware that I am inching my way to 30 years old and probably shouldn't engage in this type of behavior, but I am who I am. I am also not ashamed to admit that I just spent my whole morning watching YouTube videos of Demi performing nor am I ashamed to admit that if she goes on tour, I AM BUYING TICKETS!

Out of all the Disney stars, this girl is actually really talented. She has one of the strongest voices I have heard in quite some time. I mean there is so much power in her voice that it's almost hard to believe. Her vocal range is out of this world and when she opens her mouth to sing, I get goosebumps. I mean, she really blows all these other young artists out of the water. It;s like there is a mature edge to her voice, a hoarseness, that can only be developed from experience. At her ripe age of 20, she has been through quite a ride. 

Demi, like typical childhood stars, was on a downward spiral. She was abusing drugs and alcohol, was self medicating and was basically just out of control.  She hit rock bottom when she physically assaulted one of her backup dancers  and her family stepped in and had an intervention. The admirable thing about her is that she was able to catch herself and pull it together. She ended up going to rehab where she worked through so many issues including self mutilation, eating disorders, and depression. She took full responsibility for all her actions and made an extraordinary recovery. 

After rehab, she was open about her struggles and shared them with the world through a documentary. She wanted  teens going through similar issues to be encouraged to seek help and treatment. She wanted them to know that they were not alone and that they could get through anything. She is also a strong advocate of self love and is one the few celebrities who is absolutely beautiful, curvy and weighs more than 100lbs.  In a world where there are very few role models, I think Demi shines as one of the best and most positive role models teens have nowadays. Personally, I think she is pretty awesome and I admire her for making such a huge change in her life at such a young age. 

 So this amazing and talented girl has recently released a self titled album that I have been listening to relentlessly. I also recently discovered that Demi has covered "How To Love" by Lil' Wayne and "Stay" by Rihanna. Now, everyone knows that I am a sucker for cover songs and I happen to love both those songs, so of course I had to YouTube her performances. Let me tell you that Demi puts both Lil' Wayne and Rihanna to shame. She changed up some of the words to "How To Love" and when she sings the bridge and says "I just want you to know that I deserve the best, I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful...And I just want you to know, I'm far from the usual, far from the usual" I swear a tear streamed down my face because she sings those particular words with such conviction that nobody would doubt she believes them. The same goes for when she sings the bridge in "Stay," she sings it with the same pain Rihanna does but is able to hit a note that drives it home, unlike Rihanna. I swear, both these covers are top quality and they are flawless, just like Demi ;)

*Title of Post is from "Flawless" by The Neighbourhood* 

"Stay" Cover

"How To Love" Cover

What's New?

My previous post was my 200th post on this blog. I decided to make another post just to take the pressure off and bring it to 201 ;)

I just wanted to let people know that there is a lot of good music out there at the moment. I mean seriously good stuff:

Demi Lovato released a new album, "Demi," that is great in a young, adult poppy sense but I really like it. Judge me all you want, I know she is a Disney start but she has an amazing story and voice to go along with it. I mean, this girl can sing! Check out "In Case," "Nightingale," and "Warrior" off her new album so you can hear the pipes she's packing.

My new favorite band, The Neighbourhood, released their album, "I Love You," and it was nothing less than the excellence I expected. Who doesn't love a band that does everything in black and white? They have a great pop sound, meaningful lyrics and a mysterious aura that just lures you in and capture you. Listen to "Sweater Weather" and "Female Robbery" to get a taste of what they are about.

Paramore has a new album, "Paramore," out with a more grown up sound. Hayley Williams' voice has matured as well as their lyrics. You can tell the band is in a different and better place. They tried out a few different sounds so they have some very rock like songs, some pop songs and even have ukeleili's! I like it and to quote one of their own lyrics after all this time, I'm still into them. Listen to "Part II" and "Hate to See Your Heart Break" to hear a new sounds.

Lastly, Fall Out Boy, is not a band that I adamantly listened to in the past because I always felt they were too mainstream and geared towards teenagers (but when has that stopped me?.) However, their new album, "Save Rock and Roll," is awesome. I love their sound, which is really edgy and different from their past music. They've got good beats and it's an album that you can listen to continuously without skipping songs. Try "Phoenix" and "Death Valley" for some upbeat tunes.

And I should officially become a music reviewer for a magazine

I'll Stay Awake-Twenty One Pilots

I just very recently discovered these guys (like 2 months ago) and I have been obsessed to an almost unhealthy degree. Why? Because I have NEVER EVER EVER heard a sound like Twenty One Pilots. Yes, I know that I don't know anywhere near enough about music and I know that I haven't listened to even 5% of the world's available music, but in my years and in my own short life, I have yet to come across a sound as unique as Twenty One Pilots.

They are made up of two guys, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun, who I assume are in their mid 20's. There is currently not much information about them because they are a fairly new band (they formed in 2009) and they seem to be very private. They are described as an American pop duo but I dont think their sound has a label it would fit under completely. They have some pop aspects, there is a little rock, and a little hip-hop and rap. Tyler Joseph is the group's vocalist and also plays the piano while Josh Dun is the drummer.

 

I stumbled upon these guys while looking for something new and boy did I get what I was looking for. Their lyrics are unique, clever, different, inspiring, and just plain good. Their songs switch between different genres of music from one second to the other. It can start off with rapping, then it goes into a pop song but has a rock inspired bridge or drum solo. I love that you don't know what to expect and that their songs sound like a few different songs combined into one.

Here is "Ode to Sleep," a perfect example of the combination of different sounds. Enjoy!

Kissing in the Blue Dark-Lana del Rey

 Lana del Rey, whose real name is Elizabeth Grant, is a saucy, little vixen with a soulful, 50's and 60's inspired sound. Her obvious talent is in her song writing with controversial and almost inappropriate lyrics. For the most part, she is pretty underground (being a YouTube sensation and all) but is starting to make a name for herself, especially after her highly criticized SNL performance last year.

What I love about Lana del Rey is that she says what she wants in her lyrics and doesn't really care what people think. She is one of those troubled, free spirits that lives in her own world, much like Amy Winehouse. Although her voice doesn't compare to Amy Winehouse's, there is a sad undertone in her voice that just draws you in. Her range is pretty unique, which in turn makes her whole sound different and refreshing. She sort of emulates what you would expect to see and hear in jazz clubs/lounges back in the 50's and I absolutely love that

She has released 2 albums under the name Lana del Rey and they have both had much success. Her first album, "Born to Die," is one of those albums that you can listen to in its entirety. I could say that I love pretty much every track on there, with my favorites being "Blue Jeans," "Video Games," and "Million Dollar Man."  I pretty much obsessed with this album for months upon months and while I dont think that Lana del Rey will be a household name, I actually really love the fact that she will be a beautiful gem in the world of underground music.

 Listen below to one of her singles and probably my favorite song "Blue Jeans."

Close My Eyes

Has anyone ever gone back and listened to music they used to love many years back? Back in 1997 or 1998, my favorite album was Butterfly by Mariah Carey. I used to listen to it non-stop in my little portable CD player and, at the time, thought I fully understood each song and had a connection with them. Looking back, it was impossible for a 12 year old to be able to relate to the musings of a then 28 year old Mariah Carey.

I recently went back and re-listened to that entire album and I gotta say that it is truly and incredible album. My reaction to it is completely different from what it was 14 years back. I love this album more than I did before because now I completely understand it. I can truly relate to it, I can picture myself in it, I can envision it, I can include myself in the lyrics. I was not able to do these things back then and being able to do it now, makes all the difference.

While I love the fact that I am able to compare how much I have grown mentally and emotionally through music, I am also saddened at the fact that the amount of music that will withstand the test of time like this album has, is almost non existant. Maybe it's because of the memories listening to this album stirs up or maybe it's because I slowly realizing I am aging and this all makes me nostalgic, but 15 years from now, there will only be a small handful of albums that will be able to evoke the feelings Butterfly has for me. I only hope that the youth now is able to look back years from now and listen to an album and fall in love with it again, like I have.

Going through all the tracks in Butterfly, the one that hit me hardest was "Close My Eyes." If this song had been released in present day, I would swear it was written about me. It completely describes what I feel and think and my reflections of self. I am thoroughly impressed with the fact that whoever wrote this was able to put those kind of feelings into words, since I have tried and have not succeeded.

Below are the lyrics, hopefully others can relate as well:

Close My Eyes



I was wayward child

With the weight of the world
That I held deep inside
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things
Little ones shouldn't know

[Chorus:]

But I closed my eyes

Steadied my feet on the ground

Raised my head to the sky

And though time's rolled by

Still feel like a child

As I look at the moon

Maybe I grew up

A little too soon

Funny how one can learn

To grow numb to the madness

And block it away

I left the worst unsaid

Let it all dissipate

And I try to forget

Nearing the edge

Oblivious I almost

Fell right over

A part of me

Will never be quite able

To feel stable

That woman-child falling inside

Was on the verge of fading

Thankfully I

Woke up in time

Guardian angel I

Sail away on an ocean

With you by my side

Orange clouds roll by

They burn into your image

And you're still alive

(You're always alive)

My Worst Addictions

Has anyone noticed that Netflix has a shit ton of TV shows available for instant viewing now? At first, there were only a few ones there but now, they have EVERYTHING. Even National Geographic shows and How It's Made, Wicked Attraction, The Wonder Years, etc.

I have been on a TV show rampage lately. All I do is watch TV shows on Netflix. Mostly I'm stuck on How I Met Your Mother and Vampire Diaries. I'm obsessed really...it's pretty sad. How I Met Your Mother is HILARIOUS!!  Like roll on the floor, slap your leg, wiggle around, laugh like I've never laughed before hilarious. I swear there have been many a times where I have had to catch my breath from how funny this show is. I just love the relationships between all the characters on the show and I think it's so corny in the most hilarious way possible. I absolutely love this show!

Vampire Diaries is so entertaining. The show has so many twists and turns. There is always a surprise in each episode that keeps you on your toes. There is enough action and enough talk that you don't get bored either way. The story line is thrilling and exciting and everyone hooks up with each other. Overall, the show is hot and sexy. The three main actors are all so good looking. I just love the mystery behind the characters and the show in general. Plus, I'm a sucker for vampire romances. Trust me, this is no Twilight though. There is violence, blood, guts and sex here.

I'm also obsessed with The Walking Dead and Dexter :) I see a pattern..I seem to like dark, disturbing shows lol (with the exception of How I Met Your Mother) There's a bunch of other shows on my Netflix queue that I cant wait to start watching (United States of Tara mostly lol). This works out well for me since I'm trying not to go out and spend money all year

Questionnaire Extraordinnaire

In an effort to get myself back into the flow of blogging, I am posting a few times today. I saw a questionaire that a good friend of mine filled out and thought it would be interesting to do the same..simply cuz I can and because work is slow ;)

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

-Dont have my iPod right now but I put my Spotify app on shuffle and here are the first 6 songs:
1. Fantasy-The xx
2.The Kids Dont Stand a Chance-Vampire Weekend
3.Tears Dry-Original Version-Amy Winehouse
4.He Can Only Hold Her-Amy Winehouse
5.Laredo-Band of Horses
6.The Only One-The Black Keys

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
-Ryan Gosling ;)
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
-You can cancel the slide show at any time by pressing Escape (I'm at work, the only book around was Quick Course in Microsoft Powerpoint 2000)
4) What do you think about most?
-Losing weight
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
-Ok, cool. Thanks
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
-With clothes on
7) What's your strangest talent?
-Hmmm...dont think I have one. maybe..I'm really good at remembering numbers? I dont know
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
-Girls have more power than they realize; Boys hardly ever grow up
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
-Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
-Hmm, I am more of an air drummer myself so I can remember the last time I played air guitar..maybe a few months back?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
-Do I? Yes, many. I hate body fluids, especially spit. I am scared of ghosts, demons anything related to the paranormal. I cant go into tunnels or tight spaces, I fear of being raped and murdered, I fear of not being able to find an exit if being chased or if there is a fire, I could go on and on but I guess these are the wierdest.
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
-Um, does a Q-tip count?
13) What's your religion?
-Good question. I am not sure about this at the moment. I was raised Catholic but I dont think that is the right religion for me. I believe in God whole heartedly and I give praise in any way I could but I dont want to tie myself down to any religion, so I guess you could say I am just spiritual.
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
-Running errands, going to someones house, shopping or eating
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
-Definitely behind it
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
-Oh boy, impossible to choose..The Black Keys maybe?
17) What was the last lie you told?
-I try hard not to lie so I cant remember when was the last time I blatantly lied about something
18) Do you believe in karma?
-Yes definitely
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
-My organization/OCD/need for structure is both my strenght and my weakness
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
-Ryan Gosling
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
-Nope-I'm scared something will crawl up a hole lol
23) How do you vent your anger?
-Crying behind closed doors or putting it to the back of my mind and moving on

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
-Empty glass jars (one day I'll make something out of them)
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
-Phone..or texting
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
-I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I know I dont want to be anybody else
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
-Hate: burping/farting; Love: my niece and nephews' laughter
28) What's your biggest "what if"?
-What if I would have majored in something I love rather than Accounting? Where would I be?

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
-Hell yeah. I cant watch any movies about ghosts or aliens because otherwise I cant sleep at night
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
-Right Arm: my printer at work; Left Arm: my phone at work
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
- Soy sauce-I'm having sushi for lunch
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
-some hick town in North Carolina
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
-West coast-better weather
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
-Hmm..Adam Levine from Maroon 5 maybe
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
-To experience, to enjoy, to make mistakes, to find yourself, to lose yourself, to be sad, happy, to be alone, to be accompanied, to learn, to make a difference, to strive, to yearn, to seek, to never find yourself with nothing to do, to be passionate, to love and to be loved.
36) Define Art.
-Visual representations of what goes on in extremely creative and talented people's heads
37) Do you believe in luck?
-Sometimes
38) What's the weather like right now?
-Rainy, slushy, but not too cold for this time of year.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
-Yes and yes. I had someone crash into me and I crashed into a rail pretty recently
41) What was the last book you read?
-I Wrote This For You
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
-Kind of
43) Do you have any nicknames?
-Maure
44) What was the last movie you saw?
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
-Thankfully, I have never seriously injured myself. I guess the worst injury has been scraping my knee when I was a little girl to the point where I couldnt wear pants for like a month. It's actually the only scar I have
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
-No, while I love butterflies and think they are beautiful, I am kind of creeped out by them. They are still insects after all
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
-I always have an obessesion..it's how I get by. My current obsessionsare my Kindle Fire, getting my hair to grow, Naked Eye Makeup, How I Met Your Mother, and pinterest.com
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
-Not that I know of
50) Do you believe in magic?
-Meh..not really

Day 21- A Picture of Something That Makes You Happy

Aaron, Alyssa, and Alex

Day 20-Write a Letter to Someone

Dear _____,

With age and experience, I have realized that you are not the person I have always thought you were. Looking back over the years, I see things that I was so oblivious to simply because I looked up to you. You were the strongest, wisest person I knew. You were someone I wanted to be like when I grew up.

Now that I am grown up, I am actively working on being the total opposite of you. It angers me that all this time, I had no clue about anything but yet it also saddens me because I dont think you have a clue either. You have hurt me in so many ways and it has taken me so many years to realize and accept. Every day I see something about you that I dont like. Everyday I notice something new about you that was right there all along and I just chose to ignore it.

But I cannot ignore these things any longer. The truth is that while you may be strong in your own way, you are a manipulative, selfish, controlling, self loathing, overbearing, negative and pessimistic person. You have influenced my entire life and my way of being. You have instilled in me all the qualities that I never wished to possess. You robbed me of my youth and of childhood experiences all because you needed someone to be there for you. I was never meant to be your friend. I was never meant to bear your burden. I was never meant to feel your pain but I had no choice because I didnt know any better back then.

However, I know better now and I will no longer continue to bear the brunt of your problems. I will no longer carry your issues on my shoulders. I will no longer continue to parent you, the way you should have done to me. I am forcing you to grow up and accept responsibilities for your own actions, suffer the consequences of your actions and accept the fact that you are far from perfect. I will no longer make decisions for you, so that when things go wrong you have someone else to blame. I will not suffer for your mistakes.

I love you more than words could describe and I will never stop loving you, no matter what happens, but I cannot allow you to continue to force me to live for you and only you. I have to live for myself and you cant and wont make me feel guilty about it anymore.

Yours Truly,

Maurylyne

Day 19-Write About a Sweet Memory From Your Past

I have quite a limited memory, however I do remember a few things that make me smile. For example, I remember when school was out for the summer, my sister and me used to do so many things to keep ourselves entertained.

I remember we used to go to the library with our two best friends and we use to take out all the RL Stine books and try to read every single one of them throughout the summer. We also used to walk around looking for an open fire hydrant to play around in (I grew up in the Bronx, this was our idea of sprinklers and a pool).

We used to stay up late watching MTV and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches EVERY SINGLE DAY. We also used to watch The Golden Girls marathon every time it came on. We used to rollerblade outside our building, but only from corner to corner, we couldnt turn. Or we used to go to the park near our house and pretty much just waste time all day. Those were the days...

Day 18-Plans/Dreams/Goals You Have

Questions are pretty general and repetitive huh? Or maybe I just never know what to say for these things. I dont have any particularly special plans, dreams or goals. Really I am just trying to live day by day and taking it easy. I am tired of planning my life.

Right now my focus are the following things:

1. Getting healthy physically, mentally and emotionally
2. Finish unpacking/organizing/decorating my new apartment
3. Go to a pool/beach/waterpark...something with water before the summer ends
4. Take a vacation somewhere (Florida is my goal for next month)
5. Start planning a small wedding, aiming for setting a date in early Summer 2012
6. Enjoy the nice weather while it lasts
7. Finish watching Dexter Season 4 and 5

I am sure that next month, I will have a few more but for now, I just want to relax.

Day 17- Someone You Would Want To Switch Lives with For One Day and Why

What a strange question, which I have no idea how to answer. I guess I dont have a specific person I would want to switch lives with. I would certainly switch with anyone who is living and I mean really living. Someone who is enjoying their life and their youth. Someone who is doing what they want, when they want. Someone who has time to wander about and find things and places and people. Someone who has time to have a picnic or just lay in the grass for hours on end.

Someone who has the opportunity to explore the world and wont have to worry about work, troubles, responsiblity, stress, bills, savings, laundry, cleaning, stress, gas, electricity, cable, stress, eating right, deadlines, money, rent, and the list goes on and on.

I guess to sum it up in one word, I would switch lives with anyone who is FREE.

Day 16- A Picture of Yourself

Well I thought I had this covered with the first post of this little exercise but I guess not. I havent taken any pics since I went to a babyshower at the end of June, so thats's the pic I'm putting up. I would post one of me today but I really dont like taking pictures of myself...at all.

Day 15-Put Your Ipod on Shuffle: First 10 Songs That Play

Here is my outcome; pretty diverse I would say:

1. Amy Winehouse- Me and Mr. Jones

2. Snow Patrol-Open Your Eyes

3. Evanescence-My Immortal

4. My Chemical Romance-Cemetery Drive

5. Ciara- Promise

6. Three Days Grace-Never Too Late

7. Bayside-Dont Call Me Peanut

8. The Verve-Bittersweet Symphony

9. Something Corporate-Down

10. Paramore-Careful

Day 14- A Picture of You and Your Family

Dad, Mom, Chris (brother), Me, Teresa (Sister)

It saddens me to look at this picture because I dont know if we will ever get to take another picture of the 5 of us together. It also saddens me because I dont think there are any other pictures of us besides this one. Were we ever happy?
I'll never know...

Day 13-Your 5 Favorite Books and Why

Man it is very hard to make decisions!! I am trying my best, here goes (in no particular order):

1. The Catcher in the Rye-JD Salinger

I read this book in high school and then re-read it recently and realized how much I loved this book. This books really describes the difficulty of realizing that you are becoming an adult. Everything changes when you no longer view the world with the wonder that kids do and this book shows that it really isnt easy to handle and the truth is that it really fucks with our head.

2. The Notebook-Nicholas Sparks

I saw the movie first and when I found out there was a book, I knew I had to read it. I am not one to be a sucker for love stories, but I loved this one. The book was better than the movie and it is just a beautiful story over all. It shows that true love does last, no matter what happens and its nice to have that hope sometimes.

3.Looking For Alaska-John Greene

A friend recommended this book and it quicklybecame a favorite. It is another book about growing up and seeing things through different eyes. Going through adult situtations, making adult decisions all while trying to hold on to your childhood. Some of us cant handle adulthood, and some of us have been adults our whole lives.

4. The Five People You Meet in Heaven-Mitch Albom

This book made me realize that everyone is connected in some way. All of our actions affect other people. We might think that we have nothing to do with the person sitting next to us, but we have some sort of impact on everyone at some point in time. I realized that the world is much more than just me and my family, New York, my job, my friends, etc. Knowing this is both scary and amazing at the same time.

5. Twilight Series-Stephenie Meyer

Technically this could count as 4 books, but I'll count it as one VERY VERY long book since it is a series. I usually dont read anything fantasy or anything romance but I saw the first movie and was very interested in the books. I guess that deep down, we all like a good love story. The vampires make it interesting and the passion and love demonstrated between Edward and Bella is admirable. Everyone has an Edward and that is good to know

Day 11-Write a Poem to Someone You Love

It has been a LONG time since I have done this, but here it goes:

I was doubtful about you
Could not predict our future
Couldnt clearly see you and me becoming we
Not enough reasons to be together
But plenty to stay apart

Yet I jumped in anyway
With my heart then my brain
At times, my decision seemed foolish
Naive, stupid, immature
I never knew if I had done the right thing

Until one day, I heard your laughter
It rose from the pit of your stomach
It rang through your chest
That sound, that precious sound
Took away all doubt from my mind

Everything has been worth it
All the struggles, obstacles and trials
Everything is worth doing again
As long as I get to hear your laughter
For the rest of my life

Day 11-Write a Bucket List of Things to Do Before You Die

Man, I have been working on a bucket list for years and I never complete it...also I can never find the lists I make so I could never consolidate them. Maybe I can do it here and refer back to it. Here is what I can remember off the top of my head, in no particular order:

1. Travel the world (Europe, Africa, Paris, China, etc)

2. Buy a dream home

3. Go sky diving or bungee jumping

4. Get in shape-be happy with myself physically

5. Find a career that makes me happy

6. Explore the city (Manhattan)

7. Be vegan for a while

8. Publish a magazine article/excerpt

9.Watch all Oscar Winning films going back to the year 2000

10. Go on a road trip

11.Go scuba diving

12.Ride in a hot air ballon

13.Take a long walk on the beach at night

14.Open up a bakery/bookstore/coffee shop

15.Get rid of all debt

16. Learn to play guitar

17.Learn to speak French

18. Read all the classic books or the NY Times Best Sellers

19.Read the Bible (from start to finish)

20. Live in another country in my adult life

21.Experience and feel unconditional love all the time

22.Have a photography session and frame all my pictures

23.Run a 5k marathon

24.Learn to ride a motorcycle

25.Be HAPPY

I'll make an official one and add/cross things off as life goes on

Day 10-Songs You Listen to When You Are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

This might be a hard one. I have sooo many songs I listen to with every mood. Sometimes a song makes me feel a certain way as oppose to me feeling a certain way and listening to a song. I have tried to narrow it down here:

Mad: I dont really listen to music when I'm mad

Bored: ANYTHING, if I am bored, I am not gonna be picky.

Happy:
Tighten Up-Black Keys
Mirrors-Envy on the Coast
Mary-Kings of Leon
Bliss-Muse

Sad:
Detlef Schrempf-Band of Horses
First Love-Adele
They Looked Like Strong Hands-Bayside
Transatlanticism-Death Cab for Cutie
Someone Like You-Adele

Hyped:
Lisztomania-Phoenix
Ready to Start-Arcade Fire
Monster-Kanye West
You Know I'm No Good-Amy Winehouse
Plug In Baby-Muse

*I added this category*
Nostalgic:
Infinite Arms-Band of Horses (actually this song could fall into every category)
For Emma-Bon Iver
Swim-Jack's Mannequin
Gravity-John Mayer
Manhattan-Kings of Leon

Day 9- Something You're Proud of in the Past Few Days

I am not one to readily admit I have been wrong. I guess maybe it is because most of the time, I usually am right and that tends to make me a know-it-all and kind of a smart ass. I dont do it intentionally...I just sort of come off that way.

I have been seeing a therapist lately because of several issues that have been going on with my family, my father in particular. This therapist has pointed out several things about my parents that I have never realized before. He also pointed out several things that I do in my relationship that mirrors what my parents do in theirs.

One of these things I mirror from my mother is playing the victim. I poke and push and provoke Victor until he cant take it anymore and lashes out at me. Then I play the whole "I dont deserve for you to yell at me/You dont have a reason to be so mad/Why would you speak to me that way?" role. But the truth is that if you provoke someone enough times and for a period of time, they are inevitably going to explode. How could I not expect Victor to lash out when I have been nagging him incessantly?

After having that very life changing and very difficult epiphany, I have been making the effort to catch myself doing this. And I have caught myself..more than once. The first time I caught myself, I walked away from him, took several minutes to compose myself and then actually took responsibility for my actions and gave him the true and heartfelt apology he deserved.

I was very proud of myself because I set my pride aside (which was difficult), accepted responsibility (which was more difficult) and said "I'm sorry" and actually meant it from the bottom of my heart (which was the most difficult). It felt liberating to do this and it took him by surprise. He never expected it and it definitely shifted the dynamic of our relationship. So in the end, it was so worth it