This is the Start of Something Beautiful, This is the Start of Something New



Maurylyne & Victor
10.19.12

So it happened, I am officially married now! All the planning and details and phone calls and emails all paid off. The wedding was beautiful and I had such a great time. It was truly an unforgettable experience and I am so glad that we went through with it. No regrets... 

Title of post "This" by Ed Sheeran

And I'll Love You Always

I've been planning my wedding and so far it is really not as simple as I thought it would be. I really don't want this whole big event with 200 people and a catering hall. Truly I want the most minimal type wedding. I am not the Cinderella kind...I wouldn't have minded eloping in Vegas to be honest.

However, we decided to have an actual ceremony. When I picture myself getting married, I see myself on a beach so we have decided to do a destination wedding in Dominican Republic. I love the appeal of waves in the background and pictures with the sunset and my feet dipped in the ocean.

I want something simple, minimal, and elegant with a touch of vintage. The more minimal and simple things are, the better. I want everything to be white, including flowers and decor and have a pop of an accent color. I'm thinking yellow. I would also want the bridal party to all wear white too and I think it would be beautiful if all guests were dressed in white as well.

With the simplicity of my requests, I thought this would be an easy thing to plan. It really, really isn't. There are so many little things involved...invitations, music, decor, menu, etc. Decisions, decisions, decisions!

 

Title of post is "Part One" by Band of Horses

Day 18-Plans/Dreams/Goals You Have

Questions are pretty general and repetitive huh? Or maybe I just never know what to say for these things. I dont have any particularly special plans, dreams or goals. Really I am just trying to live day by day and taking it easy. I am tired of planning my life.

Right now my focus are the following things:

1. Getting healthy physically, mentally and emotionally
2. Finish unpacking/organizing/decorating my new apartment
3. Go to a pool/beach/waterpark...something with water before the summer ends
4. Take a vacation somewhere (Florida is my goal for next month)
5. Start planning a small wedding, aiming for setting a date in early Summer 2012
6. Enjoy the nice weather while it lasts
7. Finish watching Dexter Season 4 and 5

I am sure that next month, I will have a few more but for now, I just want to relax.

Sweet Dreams

I have been in such a hormonal and self deprecating mood this past week. It's utterly pathetic and I hate myself for hating myself. Its a vicious cycle that traps me every month when its almost time for my "monthly visitor." What is the point of menstruating if one has no desire to procreate?

Anyways, I have also been hating my job more and more each day. I dream of other things I could be doing. All things that involve courage and money...and I dont seem to have either of these things. One of the things I dream about, while at my boring job, is to run a cupcake shop. I would be immersed in the smell of sugary sweetness all day. I would wake up early and bake batches of dozens of cupcakes and I would top them all with cool frosting colors and little decorations. I would make cupcake cakes for people who order them and I would test out different cupcake/frosting combinations daily.

The venue where I would run this cupcake shop will be this little rundown place that I gut and remodel from scratch. It would be cool and funky, yet elegant and modern all at once. I would want to do be located in a small town where they have never heard of such a thing as a cupcake shop. I would know all my customer by name and they would stop in on Sunday afternoons for a treat. I would make cupcake cakes for every occassion in town and then I would eventually add other features to my shop, like cakes, cookies, and drinks such as hot chocolate with cinnamon sticks and whipped cream and peach sweet tea with mint leaves.

And then reality smacks me in the face and I realize how pathetically unrealistic I am being. All these dreams are, were, and always will be just that: DREAMS. But would it be wrong of me to hope?

I Watch Too Many Movies

The past few days I have been waking up precisely around 3:45am. I have no idea why I wake up and I have no recollection of how I end up going back to sleep. I just know that I always open my eyes and look at the clock right around this time and it has happened for 3 days.

Me, being the paranoid wuss that I am, thinks that this is some sort of message. Like maybe I'm supposed to realize something when I wake up or maybe some spirit/entity is trying to make me see something. I know it sounds stupid but I cant help thinking this. I watch too many movies...

Speaking of movies, I saw "Legion" the other day and I have to say that I was highly disappointed. The movie is about the apocolypse, where God gets mad at humans for being suck pricks and he wants to wipe out humanity. One of his angels, Michael, tries to stop the apocolypse and the fate of the world all depends on the baby of a pregnant white trash waitress. To me, the movie was a bit predictable. This topic has been beat to death and can get a bit corny. It had some good parts to it, but not enough to save the movie.

On the other hand, I saw "Inception" in the theaters and it was an excellent movie. Great cinematography, great acting, great directing, great theme and message. Its complicated and it makes you think from beginning to end. It gets your attention from the first minute til the last second and you go through a journey to try and follow whats going on and even after the movie ends, you are still not sure what happened. But its a good confusion, not a frustrating I-dont-wanna-watch-this-movie-anymore type confusion. I loved it and I would go see it again if I had the chance.

Im thinking about re-activating my Netflix account. I love Indie films and have a few that I am dying to watch (500 Days of Summer, Sunshine Cleaning, The Cake Eaters, etc) and I hope I get to watch soon. Any Indie film recommendations?

I'm Too Young To Feel This Old

Its official, my job is aging me.

I have been feeling so unsatisfied with work. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you dread waking up because you know you have to go to work. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately. I dont know what is going on but my job is not making me happy. I am aware that many people's jobs dont make them happy, but I would like to beleive that that is not the case for everyone.

I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the people I work with, but lately I have been feeling like this is not what my life is cut out for. I have felt this before but this time it is much stronger and constant. Its like a nagging feeling that keeps telling me that I am destined for more in this life than tracking revenue for multi-million dollar customers.

I think I recently had an epiphany when I went on a mini vacation to Virginia a few days ago. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt my age while I was there. I did things normal 23 soon to be 24 year olds do all the time. I wasnt worried about how I was gonna pay my rent and credit cards and how I was going to afford gas for the month. I wasnt worried about reconciling accounts and preparing finacial statements for the insurance subsidiary. I just felt so carefree, young, and so....myself.

I come back to New York and reality slapped me in the face. It was the 1st of the month and my rent is due and its my busy week at work and I realize that I just dont know how to find a balance between being young and carefree and being responsible. I cant find a grey area. And again, I realize that this is NOT how my life is supposed to be. I feel like my soul is slowly dying everytime I have to balance a revenue account or defer costs to amortize.

Looking back on this blog, I see that many times I have vouched to change my life, to enjoy myself more often, to try to really live my life and though I feel like I have made changes, it seems I always end up where I started. Reminds me of a Radiohead lyric from the song "15 Steps." (**Click on the link, its an excellent song**) It goes:

"How come I end up where I started

How come I end up where I went wrong"

I always end up back at the beginning and back at the wrong place. Its a vicious cycle but now I am more determined to end it because I have never felt so lost and unsatisfied in my life. I need an answer and I need one fast because I'm slowly disintegrating and blending into the monotony of life that many fall into. And honestly, Im too damn young to feel this old and to feel so trapped.

What is my purpose in life? I refuse to believe my purpose is to simply exist and use up oxygen. I refuse to look back on life and feel like I did nothing worth reminiscing about. There has to be more to life out there. Maybe I just have to reach out and grab it.

Maybe I just have to....let go.

Day 29- Hopes, Dreams, and Plans for the Rest of the Year

This is a very good question. I never know what to say when people ask what my hopes and dreams are. Especially when people ask where I see myself in 5 years. I dont know why, but that question is so difficult for me.

I have no clue what I want to accomplish the rest of the year. I havent planned this out, but I guess now would be the time. I guess I'll make a list again...that seems to work for me

Hopes and Dreams for 2010

-actually learn to play the piano...maybe take piano lessons

-purchase my apartment and remodel the kitchen and bathroom

-finish paying off my credit cards

-save some money

-do something cool to my boring ass hair

-lose weight and get healthy

-learn to love salad just as much as I love chocolate cake

-continue to find great music that inspires and makes me feel good

-go to Vegas and to a caribbean island that is NOT Dominican Republic

-go back to school and get my masters (this might have to be for 2011..or 2012...or 2013 lol)

-go to more live shows (so far I wanna go see Kings of Leon again, Lady Gaga, and Muse!!)

-maybe get married....MAYBE

-figure out what I was meant to do with my life

-find what it is that will make me happy

-start to actually live my life

There Will Be An Answer, Let It Be

The sun always makes its way back into my life, no matter how dark it may seem.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what keeps me going.

Maybe one day, my world will not seem so gray.

Maybe one day, it will be bright.

Permanently....

Title of post is"Let It Be" by The Beatles

Ikea Trip

Heading to Ikea today and Im so excited. I love that place. I just love how everything is modern and clean line. Im looking for a desk because the one I have now (which happens to be from Ikea) does not match my living room furniture at all. I have dark espresso furniture and the desk is light pine. Thats a interior decor faux paus.

Something like this would be good. It doesnt really take up much room and could be folded up into the wall. And the color matches the decor in the living room, so its something to think about.

We'll see what I can afford. Everytime I go there I want to redecorate my entire house. I spend hours in the showrooms and just imagine my dream home. I swear, I wish I had money to decorate the way I really want to. Instead, I settle for Walmart and Target furniture and whatever I could inherit or find cheaply. The nice things are the most expensive...but thats life for ya.

I have some pics to post of what I've been doing the past 3 months. I had them in my camera for a while. Ill be making posting this weekend, if Lifetime has disappointing movies.

Are Your Thoughts Results of Static Cling?

I barely ever dream...ever. But sometimes I'll wake up and I'll have the most ridiculous thoughts in my head,which leads me to beleive that I did dream but I just dont remember anything. Well this morning on the verge of regaining consciousness I had a very long and detailed dream. It involved some people I havent seen in a very long time. I was very close to these people but because I am a terrible friend, I havent kept in touch with them. Was this a sign? Maybe I'll give them a call

On another note, I have been obsessed with "Details in the Fabric" by Jason Mraz featuring James Morrison. God, what a beautiful song! Seriously.

I love this line:

"Hold your own

Know your name

And go your own way

And everything,

Everything will be fine

Everything"

To me this is such a strong message in few and simple words. I feel like its saying to stay strong and keep your head up, continue on your path no matter what happens and eventually you will see that everything will be fine. I strongly beleive this is true. Although, it is very difficult to get past certain things, eventually everything ends up fine. You might not ever get over something but after some time, you continue to live and life always goes on.

I highly suggest people listen to Jason Mraz's album "We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things." Im pretty sure EVERYONE and their mother knows "I'm Yours" since people (mostly the radio) played the song to death, revived it and then killed it again several times. Yet I still love the song :)

Oh and James Morrison has such a distinct and utterly, beautifully gut wrenching voice that makes my heart flutter. This man has soul. Listen to "If You Dont Wanna Love Me," it is fuckawesome. There was a contestant on American Idol (current season) named Alex Lambert who has a voice very similar to James Morrison's. Would you beleive that America voted him off? I was so shocked and so disappointed. Are all Americans deaf? They would rather hear bullshit bubble gum pop songs by untalented idiots like Britney Spears? Big mistake America, BIG mistake.

Title is lyric from "Details in the Fabric"