You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important

I am growing up. 

A part of me hates this, but a bigger part of me loves it. 

The hate part stems from the fact that responsibilities are never ending and  no one does things for you. You have to take care of yourself, provide for yourself, feed and clothe yourself, etc. And while these things might sound ideal for those teenagers I follow on tumblr, the reality is that it's not always fun. It's scary as fuck and it causes constant worry and stress. The good news is that you get used to it and become independent, but its still scary to think about sometimes. 

The part of me that loves what is happening is the one that is growing into who I am. We go through such a long and painful journey growing up. Our teenage years are filled with so much drama and so much worrying about fitting in and what other people think about us. There is constant insecurity and we are always trying to live up to other people's expectations. The best thing about growing up is that those things no longer matter. You don't have time to worry about what anyone thinks about you. There is a certain confidence that comes with age. That is why the elderly don't give a shit about what people think of them and go about doing what they want. 

It's hard thing to describe, but there comes a point in your life where you notice that it is okay to not be okay. It's okay to not agree with everyone, to not wear the latest trends or give into the latest obsessions or watch the most popular shows or movies. It's okay to like shitty music and read shitty books and eat shitty food.  There is something special about those people who just live their lives they way they want to, not the way society says they should. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following the crowd, if that is who you really are. There is no right or wrong answer on how to be yourself, as long as you are your true self. 

The title of this post is from one of my favorite movies, called "The Help," where one of the black maids raising a little, chubby white girl who didnt get her mother's attention because she was not what society would describe as perfect, would say this to the little girl every day. Then she would make the little girl repeat it back to her and I cant even begin to tell you the significance of that. Thinking, saying, or  feeling that you are smart, kind and important is the difference between a strong, confident person and a weak, insecure one. 

If only we all had that one person in our lives that told us this constantly and made us believe it. Sadly, most of us don't and most of us figure this out on our own, though it may take years upon years. It may take tragedy, a breakdown, and a disaster but at some point when we are able to rise up from the ashes, we rise up not only knowing those things, but actually believing them.

That is what growing up is.

That is what growing up has been for me. 

And that has been the most liberating and most rewarding feeling I have ever experienced. 

Blue Valentine

I saw the movie "Blue Valentine" yesterday. I had been wanting to see it since I heard rave reviews when it premiered a few weeks ago. I, being an avid supporter and watcher of all independent films, am very interested in indie movies with great reviews.

Ryan Gosling, which is one of my favorite actors, is the star of the film along with Michelle Williams. This movie was the most beautiful, tragically realistic movie I have ever seen. It is about a relationship between two people that love each other but somehow grew apart. They switch back and forth between the current state of their relationship and how it begun. This movie depicts ordinary family life, an ordinary relationship, ordinary people...there is not really a plot to this movie, no climax, it is just the lives of two people who fell in love and who are struggling to stay there.

Their love story is not one that has not been seen or heard of before. Their relationship is nothing new but it is so refreshing to watch a true love story, not some fairy tale Disney movie. And that is the crazy thing about this movie, although everything in normal, it is depicted so realistically that its like you are seeing things for the first time...really seeing things. It sucks you in and makes you relate because it might not have happened to you, but you know someone who has gone through what you are watching. I think that makes this movie absolutely brilliant.

This movie made me laugh and it made me cry...and I do NOT cry when watching movies EVER because I know that it is a movie. It is not really happening. But I had big, fat tears rolling down my cheeks. It hit so close to home in so many aspects and in so many little scenes. It got me thinking about so many things, like is falling out of love is inevitable? If that is the case, then do we really fall in love? How do I know I wont end up like them in the future? Does love really last or do people just end up faking it? Why does time end up destroying love?

Does love exist at all?

I Watch Too Many Movies

The past few days I have been waking up precisely around 3:45am. I have no idea why I wake up and I have no recollection of how I end up going back to sleep. I just know that I always open my eyes and look at the clock right around this time and it has happened for 3 days.

Me, being the paranoid wuss that I am, thinks that this is some sort of message. Like maybe I'm supposed to realize something when I wake up or maybe some spirit/entity is trying to make me see something. I know it sounds stupid but I cant help thinking this. I watch too many movies...

Speaking of movies, I saw "Legion" the other day and I have to say that I was highly disappointed. The movie is about the apocolypse, where God gets mad at humans for being suck pricks and he wants to wipe out humanity. One of his angels, Michael, tries to stop the apocolypse and the fate of the world all depends on the baby of a pregnant white trash waitress. To me, the movie was a bit predictable. This topic has been beat to death and can get a bit corny. It had some good parts to it, but not enough to save the movie.

On the other hand, I saw "Inception" in the theaters and it was an excellent movie. Great cinematography, great acting, great directing, great theme and message. Its complicated and it makes you think from beginning to end. It gets your attention from the first minute til the last second and you go through a journey to try and follow whats going on and even after the movie ends, you are still not sure what happened. But its a good confusion, not a frustrating I-dont-wanna-watch-this-movie-anymore type confusion. I loved it and I would go see it again if I had the chance.

Im thinking about re-activating my Netflix account. I love Indie films and have a few that I am dying to watch (500 Days of Summer, Sunshine Cleaning, The Cake Eaters, etc) and I hope I get to watch soon. Any Indie film recommendations?

Day 2- Your Favorite Movie

Another difficult one that must be narrowed down. I watch so many movies all the time and there are certain movies that I can watch over and over again (Superbad, Mean Girls, 40 Year Old Virgin). I guess if I had to choose one, it would have to be "The Notebook." I've watched this movie over and over and never seem to get tired of it.

Yeah, so unlike me but there is something about this movie that I just love. I love the way it begins and how they tell the story, I love the journey they go through and I particularly like the fact that the happily ever after involves death. I also love both the actors in the movie ( I have a girl crush on Rachel McAddams). Also, the book is even better than the movie.

Noah and Allie are forever in my heart <3