Live On and Be Yourself

I am not a fan of hip hop music, but every once in a while a hip hop artist I find worthy comes around. I heard the song "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis for the first time a few days ago and I was struck by how incredible it was. It almost brought me to tears. It discusses gay rights and same sex equality in such an intelligent way that it is almost like a lecture and I havent been able to stop listening to it.

Personally, I have always been an LGBT supporter. I truly and honestly do not see anything wrong with being gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, bi-curious, and whatever else is out there. Everyone is different and nobody has the right to judge people for being who they are.

NOBODY. 

The song has a great lyric, among many, that says:

 "A preconceived idea of what it all meant/For those that liked the same sex/Had the characteristics/The right wing conservatives think it's a decision/And you can be cured with some treatment and religion/Man-made rewiring of a predisposition/Playing God." 

 To me this means that gay people are just being who they were born to be, they arent choosing to be gay and they cannot be fixed with treatment. It's just like race, you are born into it, you cant choose to be Black or White or Asian or American, you just are who you are. It really is that simple and I'm not sure where it all went wrong. I'm not sure what gave people the right to judge others for just being themselves. What makes any of us straight people any better than gay people? So what if they don't like people of the opposite sex? I dont like red meat, does that make me any less of a human being? 

NO.

Recently, one of my nephews was caught putting on lipstick and my sister yelled at him and snatched the lipstick away from him. She told him that lipstick is for girls and he shouldnt be wearing it. My nephew got upset and I told my sister that she shouldnt have done that. She shouldnt have yelled at him for experimenting with lipstick. He is 2 1/2, what does he know about makeup? He is curious and had probably seen her wearing lipstick and wanted to try it too.

Aside from yelling, the mistake she made was upsetting him for being curious. What if he turns out to be gay? That incident might be something that sticks in his head and he might feel like it's not okay to be himself. I advised her to make sure that her children feel like they can be who they want. She needs to make sure they know that they will be loved and supported no matter what. I told her not to mold them into preconceived notions of boys only wearing blue and playing with cars and girls wearing pink and playing with dolls. If my nephews want to play with dolls, let them. If my niece wants to play with cars, so be it. I tried to make it a point to her that her children fitting into the roles of society is not important. What is important is them feeling that they have the freedom to express themselves any way they want to and that if society does not accept them, then the people who matter and who love them always will.

And I urge everyone to do this. You never know the difference you can make in someones life by just telling them "I support you" or by making them feel like them being different from you doesnt change anything. I think the saddest thing in the world is when you dont have the freedom to be who you want to be, love who you want to love and just live how you want to live because others arent comfortable enough with themselves to accept that you are different. Here is another lyric from "Same Love" that resonates with me:

 "When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are"

All these homophobes ,who use the Bible to defend their unjust and ridiculous excuses, have is issues with themselves. If you are comfortable with your sexuality and who you are, then what does another persons sexuality have to do with you? Why should it matter to you? How sad is it that there are people who are taking their own lives because they feel like death is better than living? 

As a society, it is imperative that we change. The world is constantly evolving and we dont know what's in store for us ahead. I do believe acceptance is happening slowly. There are certain laws that have recently been approved and little by little, the states are making same sex marriage legal. It is important that this change continues because in the long run, there are more important things to worry about. Same sex equality doesnt make the world a terrible place, but the hate and ignorance that comes from people does. 

I commend Macklemore for writing "Same Love" and for challenging society. I commend him for using his celebrity status to get a positive message across and for encouraging people to take a step back and reconsider their way of thinking. I commend him for putting something out there that will bring comfort to those that are struggling to come to terms with themselves and I hope and truly believe that this song will help many.

If I could send a message to all the people who are facing internal battles, I would tell them to just live your life the way you want to live it. Dont ever change yourself to comfort others, dont ever deny yourself the right and the opportunity to do what you want to do and be who you want to be. It is an opportunity that is inherent and cannot be taken away from you by anybody. You have a right to pursue happiness and if it makes others uncomfortable, that is their problem, not yours. As "Same Love" states: "Live on and be yourself."

You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important

I am growing up. 

A part of me hates this, but a bigger part of me loves it. 

The hate part stems from the fact that responsibilities are never ending and  no one does things for you. You have to take care of yourself, provide for yourself, feed and clothe yourself, etc. And while these things might sound ideal for those teenagers I follow on tumblr, the reality is that it's not always fun. It's scary as fuck and it causes constant worry and stress. The good news is that you get used to it and become independent, but its still scary to think about sometimes. 

The part of me that loves what is happening is the one that is growing into who I am. We go through such a long and painful journey growing up. Our teenage years are filled with so much drama and so much worrying about fitting in and what other people think about us. There is constant insecurity and we are always trying to live up to other people's expectations. The best thing about growing up is that those things no longer matter. You don't have time to worry about what anyone thinks about you. There is a certain confidence that comes with age. That is why the elderly don't give a shit about what people think of them and go about doing what they want. 

It's hard thing to describe, but there comes a point in your life where you notice that it is okay to not be okay. It's okay to not agree with everyone, to not wear the latest trends or give into the latest obsessions or watch the most popular shows or movies. It's okay to like shitty music and read shitty books and eat shitty food.  There is something special about those people who just live their lives they way they want to, not the way society says they should. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following the crowd, if that is who you really are. There is no right or wrong answer on how to be yourself, as long as you are your true self. 

The title of this post is from one of my favorite movies, called "The Help," where one of the black maids raising a little, chubby white girl who didnt get her mother's attention because she was not what society would describe as perfect, would say this to the little girl every day. Then she would make the little girl repeat it back to her and I cant even begin to tell you the significance of that. Thinking, saying, or  feeling that you are smart, kind and important is the difference between a strong, confident person and a weak, insecure one. 

If only we all had that one person in our lives that told us this constantly and made us believe it. Sadly, most of us don't and most of us figure this out on our own, though it may take years upon years. It may take tragedy, a breakdown, and a disaster but at some point when we are able to rise up from the ashes, we rise up not only knowing those things, but actually believing them.

That is what growing up is.

That is what growing up has been for me. 

And that has been the most liberating and most rewarding feeling I have ever experienced. 

It's Harder to Recall the Many Bad Times

Have you ever found a song that makes you sit back and think about your life? A song that makes you nostalgic, but the kind of nostalgia that you relish and want to hold on to? A song that elicits a flutter in the pit of your stomach and although you don't know what the feeling is, you want to keep it for as long as possible.

I think that moments like that are the reason music exists. Those artists that are truly talented and love what they do, chase those feelings and want to live and bask in them, which is why they make music for a living. And those same feelings are the criteria I use when I'm listening to new music. If it doesn't stir something up in me, it isn't worth my time.

Band of Horses has managed to blow me away with a few songs in each of their albums. To this day, I still claim "Infinite Arms" as my favorite song ever. We even chose it for our first dance at our wedding next month because when I first heard it, I thought of Victor and I thought of our relationship. The song made me catch my breath and it reminded me of the way Victor makes me feel and the way I feel about him. I never wanted to let go of those feelings and I still get them no matter how much I listen to this song. When I played it for him, he loved it too!

 I recently experienced something grand while listening to the new Band of Horses album, Mirage Rock, for the first time. I let the whole album play on Shuffle and when the song "Long Vows" came on, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down. Its a ballad with a sort of woodsy, bluesy country rock vibe and it made me feel a level of nostalgia I have never experienced before.

I put the song on repeat and I kept getting such a strong level of longing for happier times that it bought tears to my eyes and before I knew it, I broke down and I cried for a while. It was a very necessary cry, one that was cleansing, one that bought relief, one that was long overdue because I hadn't had a good cry in so long. I have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to just sit down and think. I didn't know that I needed to let it all out and I didn't know that I needed encouragement or assurance, but I got all these things from simply listening to this song.

I heard "All that you seek/All that you set out to find/Don't let anything change your mind," and got encouragement. I heard "But blankets fall, they don't stay in place just as they were made," and realized that things change and that I have to accept it. Lastly, I heard "And no one's gonna show you the way/When it gets cold you can find yourself made/Back in the hole from which you came/And everything will fall into place." I just needed to know that when all this mayhem going on my life is done, everything will eventually fall into place and everything is gonna be okay.

At the risk of sounding cliche, this is why some people say that music changes their lives...because it does. It really, really does...

Lesson Learned

I wanted to share a small, yet very important lesson that I learned this morning while making breakfast.

First, do NOT ever, EVER forget that you put an egg to boil and then let it sit in boiling water for over 40 minutes. The water eventually evaporates and the egg will be sitting in nothing but a dry and very, very hot pan.

Second, do NOT take said boiling hot pan with incredibly hot egg and run freezing cold water over it. The egg will explode like a bomb...literally and you will get egg chunks all over yourself (after you have gotten dressed for work) and your entire kitchen.

Third, the smell of a burnt/exploded boiled egg is very hard to get rid of. In fact, the smell haunts you and it's like it's stuck in your nose hair or something. Also, the image of the egg exploding is one that gets forever burned (pun intended) into your memory. It is quite disturbing actually...especially if you were starving and just saw your breakfast explode.

And last but certainly not least, say goodbye to the trusty pan you were using to boil the egg in. No matter how many times you wash it, the taste of burnt is forever embedded in the coating of the pan. Everything you cook in it will taste like shit.

Guilt

Guilt has to be one of the worst emotions to feel, along with regret. Guilt is responsible for keeping me up half the night last night. How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? How do you know if you are giving someone the right advice? I gave someone advice and led them to make a big decision in their life. Now I dont know if this person made the decision against their will and I will never be sure.

Guilt turns my stomach to knots and makes me feel like I'm in a whirlwind of anguish. Does feeling guilty actually make me guilty? Does it make something wrong because you feel guilty about it? I want to seek assurance and releif but I dont know that I ever will. The thing is that I know that I led this person to do the right thing, so the action is not what makes me feel guilty. I feel this way because I would hate to be the cause of someone elses regret. And I HATE to feel regret because regret means you can never go back.

I wish I could do what the Death Cab song "Soul Meets Body" says in this part:

"Cause in my head there is a greyhound station

Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations

So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they're far more suited than here"

Why cant I just send the thoughts that are constantly swirling in my head away? My constant thinking about everything is maddening. They are not welcome here to drive me insane and keep me up at night. It reminds me of another Death Cab lyric (yes I am obsessed) from "Marching Bands of Manhattan" that says "I live like a hermit in my own head." Sometimes my thoughts suffocate me and smother me and I have to struggle to break free from them. They always creep up on me just when I think I have tamed them.

But my thoughts are something I have to live with for the time being. I just hope that they will not be coupled with guilt and regret.....