2012 A Year in Review

Well I definitely don't write here as often as I did in the past. I truly don't know why because I love to write and I'm sure I could find the time a few days a week. I guess I'll make that a New Year's Resolution then. It's not too early to start talking about the new year since we are exactly 18 days away from 2013.

It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.

2012: My Favorite Events

-The triplets turned one

-Made 7 years with Victor

-Saw The Black Keys in concert for the first time

-Visited my godsister in VA

-Started planning my wedding 

-Took Alyssa to get her first haircut

-Went apple picking

-Got a Keurig

-My little brother graduated from high school

-Helped my brother move into his dorm

-Victor got his Associates Degree

-Had the opportunity to spend some time in Argentina and Uruguay

- Got to vacation in Dominican Republic with all my best friends and family

-Got MARRIED in Dominican Republic

-Lost 20lbs and have kept them off 

-Went to a family reunion for a second year in a row

-Voted for the 3rd time in my life!

-Planned a baby shower :)

-Got to see the triplets begin to grow up

I'm sure there is much more but I cant remember it all. This gives me hope for 2013 because so many wonderful things happened in 2012 without me even making an effort. Come next year, I will make an effort and I think it will be a good year :)

AAA

 On a positive note, I have to express how proud and happy I am to have my niece and nephews in my life. They have single handedly been the best thing that ever happened to me. They bring nothing but joy to my life and have truly been a blessing.

The love I feel for these babies can never be put into words. I am honored to be able to watch them grow and learn new things. They are the most perfect and beautiful babies I have ever seen and I will love them unconditionally for their entire lives.

Aaron, Alex and Alyssa have my heart in its entirety. I will always love them.



Alexander



Alyssa



Aaron









I'm Still Around

It seems like I have less and less time to myself nowadays. I literally have not been able to find 20 min to post on my blog. There are so many things going on right now. I have a very bad habit of always keeping myself super busy and working on some sort of project.

Here's an update of whats been going on so far:

1. Work-As much as I hate what I do, apparently I am good at it. I recently got a very unexpected promotion. I am now a balance sheet lead for global technological services at IBM. So I manage the companies technological assets and liabilties. This was truly unexpected as I had only been in my dept for less than a year, but I accepted the promotion for the challenge and the fact that it would look great on my resume. I hope I dont regret my decision

2. Family-The triplets turned one last week and I planned their birthday party. It was a small get together just for our families. I enjoyed planning it and everything turned out great. I spend a lot of my free time with the triplets and my sister. As crazy as those kids can get, I start to miss them if I dont see them every few days. I want to be a huge part of their life and I want to make sure they know and understand this. I never want them to miss me.

3. Relationship-So Victor and I just recently celebrated our seven year anniversary on the 9th of this month. I am absolutely certain that he is the one for me and after seven years together, and almost 2 years of being engaged, I finally decided to get these wedding plans started. We have decided on a destination wedding to Dominican Republic in October of this year. So I have been busy looking up wedding ideas and locations so I can finalize everything ASAP. I know that I'll blink and it will be Sept and I'll have nothing done, so I'm making sure to start early. I am enjoying planning this and it will definitely keep me busy for most of the year.

4. Health-I stepped off the exercize wagon  when I went to DR in December and I thought I would just climb back on but it has proven to be difficult. I am definitely gonna get myself back on, especially since I am going to have to go wedding dress shopping in a few months. I refuse to not look and feel my best on my wedding day.

5. Other-Along with the wedding planning, I am working on trying to finish decorating my apartment. I plan to stay here for quite some time while we save up to buy a house, so I want it to be comfortable and beautiful. So far, it feels large and empty so I have a few DIY projects I'm gonna start working on to fill up empty wall space.

I am also working on getting rid of all my debt by the end of this year. I am taking this so seriously, it's not even funny. I havent been going out at all and I have been so broke this whole year because I am sending ludicrous amounts of money to pay off my credit cards. I even set up this spreadsheet where I can cross off things as I pay them and I'll know how much credit I have available and where to move around my balances so that I could pay the least interest. This is no joke to me

I am excited about this year. I think I am gonna get a lot accomplished and I have a lot to look forward to.

The Holidays Are a Comin'!

Today is Halloween. I dont know about anyone else, but this is my least favorite holiday of the year. Actually, let me be completely honest. I HATE Halloween, I really do. Mostly, it's because everything on TV is about haunted this and haunted that. All the horror movies get played. Everything is about ghosts, vampires, witches, etc. I am the biggest wuss on the planet. I cannot deal with things that involve paranormal events. It is foolishly one of my biggest fears...I just cannot deal with things that I cant see or control.

The only good thing about this time of year is that Thanksgving is closer. I decided I wanted to have Thanksgiving dinner in my new apartment this year. It's big enough for my whole family to fit. This way, all drama can be avoided because I will kick people out of my apartment if they dont act right. My mom can cook the turkey in my place and I'll make all the side dishes if she wants. My focus is to make this holiday the least dramatic and the happiest as possible.

I am excited to provide a happy and safe environment for my niece and nephews this year and I want to make this a tradition for them, so they could love and look forward to this time of year. Hmm...maybe I'll make a good mom...isnt that a motherly to feel that way? I'm scaring myself

Day 21- A Picture of Something That Makes You Happy

Aaron, Alyssa, and Alex

Open Your Eyes and Let All the Light In

I am still alive

I haven't had much time for much of anything, but I am still here and still alive. I know I have hinted in the past that I have several things to sort out in my head before I share them with the super massive abyss that is the Internet. I have finally sorted out most of them...

My sister gave birth to triplets two months ago. Two boys and a little girl. When I first found out this news, I went through a series of emotions. I was angry because the person she chose to have children with is not someone who I think would make a good father. I was disappointed because she was only 21 and her life has not even begun yet. I was upset because I guess I was not ready for my little sister to grow up and be a parent. I was exasperated because how on earth is she going to handle three children at once? I was indifferent because at the end of the day, it is not my life that will be eternally affected. I have never been more wrong...

I have to admit that I did not agree with her pregnancy at any point during her pregnancy. I did not ask her how she felt, how the babies were doing, didn't want to see sonograms, I didn't even touch her stomach to feel the babies kick or anything. I willingly detached myself from the whole thing. I pretended that the huge object protruding from my sister's stomach did not exist. Because I did not agree with her decision, I told myself that I wanted nothing to do with it or the children. I maintained my distance and my heart was cold.

I continued with this attitude even when the children were born and I went to see them for the first time in the NICU at the hospital. They were born premature because they are triplets and they usually do not go the full 40 week term. I hate to admit that my heart felt nothing for them. I cared because they were my family but that was as far as it went.

One day, about two weeks after they were born, I went to visit them at the NICU with my mother. It was feeding time and my sister tells the nurse to show me how to feed the little girl. I admit, my first reaction was "Hell no! I don't know what I'm doing!" but the nurse assured me I would do fine and she would be there in case I did something wrong.

When I held that little girl in my arms for the first time while I fed her, the world shifted for me.

I cannot explain what the hell happened to me but everything changed. I was overwhelmed with a need to protect this innocent little creature. I held her for a while and I was filled with an immense feeling of unconditional love for this little girl. How could I love someone so much and all she had to do was exist? She literally made me want to be a better person just for her. I guess at this point, I understood what the big deal is about having kids. It is an indescribable feeling and I will never judge people who are affected by babies again.

This does not mean that I have changed my mind about having children. My feelings still stand. I don't really like them very much. I am not ready for kids and at in this moment, I still do not want kids of my own. The difference is that I understand why people want children and how children change people's lives. Although, I am not ready to give things up and make sacrifices yet, I now know I will be capable of wanting to be a better person for the sole purpose of someone else's existence. I will be capable of forming an unrequited bond with another person. I will be capable of being patient, loving, kind, helpful, wise, etc. I will be capable of being a good mother and this is something that I have never thought I could be.

My sister always asks me why out of the triplets, I am partial to the girl. I always tell her that it's because she is the only girl or because she is so well behaved, but the truth is that this little girl changed something in me. She changed the way a huge part of my future could have played out. I could have lived the rest of my life staying away from my niece and nephews but because of her, not only will I get the opportunity to be in their life, but I also know that I am capable of loving fully, truly and unconditionally.

Here is a pic of the triplets when they were about 6 weeks old:

Alyssa Marie, Alexander James & Aaron Christopher

Title of post is from "Collapse" by Saosin