2012 A Year in Review

Well I definitely don't write here as often as I did in the past. I truly don't know why because I love to write and I'm sure I could find the time a few days a week. I guess I'll make that a New Year's Resolution then. It's not too early to start talking about the new year since we are exactly 18 days away from 2013.

It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.

2012: My Favorite Events

-The triplets turned one

-Made 7 years with Victor

-Saw The Black Keys in concert for the first time

-Visited my godsister in VA

-Started planning my wedding 

-Took Alyssa to get her first haircut

-Went apple picking

-Got a Keurig

-My little brother graduated from high school

-Helped my brother move into his dorm

-Victor got his Associates Degree

-Had the opportunity to spend some time in Argentina and Uruguay

- Got to vacation in Dominican Republic with all my best friends and family

-Got MARRIED in Dominican Republic

-Lost 20lbs and have kept them off 

-Went to a family reunion for a second year in a row

-Voted for the 3rd time in my life!

-Planned a baby shower :)

-Got to see the triplets begin to grow up

I'm sure there is much more but I cant remember it all. This gives me hope for 2013 because so many wonderful things happened in 2012 without me even making an effort. Come next year, I will make an effort and I think it will be a good year :)

Always Be My Baby

Yesterday was my little brother's prom. I still cannot get over how handsome he looked in his tux with his little bowtie. This past month has been so hard for me to go through because it is finally hitting home that my little brother is not little anymore. He is 18 years old and he is so intelligent, mature, responsible, trustworthy, humble, dependable, witty, wise, funny, handsome...and I could go on and on with nothing but positive adjectives to describe him. I cannot articulate how proud I am of my brother. I have no doubt in my mind he will become whatever he wants to be. He is exceptionally intelligent and motivated and I am confident in him and his abilities.

I've been in love with my little brother since he was born. He's been my little baby for years and now he's an adult with a car, a steady girlfriend, graduating high school and starting an excellent college (NYU) in the fall. It's hard to grasp that without feeling old and without feeling like I could lose him. I guess this is how parents feel when their kids start getting older.

I hope that when my brother looks back on his life, he can see how much I absolutely admire him and adore him unconditionally. I hope he can tell that I do and will support him in all his choices. I hope that he knows that I would give up my life for him without any doubt in my mind. I would do anything for him and I will applaud him like he deserves. I will give him the guidance, praise and assurance that I never got and that I needed at his age. I will encourage him to do what makes him happy and I will ensure he finds happiness.

I hope he notices that I tried to shield him from all the drama that comes with my family and I tried to ensure he had a normal childhood. I hope that he is able to look back on his childhood and have more happy memories than sad ones. I hope he knows that nothing will ever change the amount of love I have for him.

Most importantly, I hope he knows that no matter what happens, no matter how much time goes by, no matter how old we are, no matter the circumstances, he will always, always, always be my little brother.

Merry Christmas

So Im already drunk and its 6pm on Christmas Eve. This is how I handle the holidays. Ive been on vacation for a few days and have gotten many things done. Such as: painted my apartment and re-decorated my living room. Ill post pics soon

My uncle that I havent seen in a few years came over. He told me stories about my grandfather that I met once as a child. He died many years ago but I dont remember him at all. He also told me stories about my dad when they were younger and my mom too. I guess I dont really know a whole lot about my parents. Its hard to imagine them ever having fun but apparently, they did have fun before my siblings and I were born.

My uncle also told me about another uncle that claimed that I was the only niece he ever loved. Sadly, this uncle passed and I dont remember much about him either. I realized I know nothing about my family at all. They all live in the Dominican Republic, except for a cousin and an uncle that live in the states. Apparently, my mothers side of the family loves me beyond what I ever imagined. I never knew any of this and I feel so guilty for feeling so lonely when I have had a family that has loved me all along.

I dont know why my mother never made sure we were close with her family. She claimes she doesnt like them, but thats not a reason to exclude your children from knowing about them. I learned things about my grandmother and grandfather that I never knew from my uncle. My grandfather passed many years ago and it has been the only time I have seen my mother cry. My grandmother is too senile to know who I am. I also found out she and my mother never got along.

My dad's father died in February this year and although Ididnt know him that well, I knew he loved me. I just hope he knows I loved him too...eventhough I knew so little of him. I recently visited my grandparents house in Dominican Republic and the house felt so empty without him. He showed me that a person can love someone without knowing them. I loved him more than I admitted to myself and his death has affected me more than I have wanted to admit.

Some random updates:
-I got a haircut-I cut about 7 inches off the front to make layers. My hair looks healthier and fuller.

-I am falling in love with Delilah (as a friend of course). She is so awesome and makes me feel like Im not weird and insane. She doesnt judge and shes not embarrassed of me. I need someone like that around. She also drew a fuckawesome mural on my apartment wall in the hallway. I gotta post some pics. She is so talented, its not even funny.

-My godsister is in town. She is another person who I am in love with (like a sister of course). She also understands me and never judges me

-I am also in love with my boyfriend. He is just so awesome and so accepting and non-judgmental. He knows I am like nobody else and he still sticks around and I dont think he is going anywhere. I wish it was easier to tell him how much I love him but its so hard for me because emotions equal weakness in my eyes.

I swear I was meant to be born a man....



The year is about to end and I feel like I am in such a good place in my life. Most days, I have a reason to wake up and that makes all the difference in my life. I have been in a position where I could find no reason to get up in the morning and to be on the opposite side of the spectrum is so meaningful to me. I know that at this very moment, I am too drunk to be posting but I will do so anyway. Just like Caleb from Kings of Leon recorded "Cold Desert" from "Only By the Night" when he was drunk as hell and he pretty much improvised half the song. The truth came out and they kept the song just the way it was after the first recording. Here are some lyrics he improvised:

"Ive never ever cried when I was feeling down

Ive always been scared of the sound

Jesus dont love me, no one ever carried my load

Im too young to feel this old"

How fucking awesome is he?

So Im gonna do exactly what Caled did. I will leave it as is....maybe when I am sober, I will realize something about myself that will change my life just like Caleb did.

Confession aka drunken rant: I love my brother more than anything in this world. He is so fucking cool for his age. I could only wish I would be at his level. I would seriously give up my life for him, no questions asked. If he ever stumbles upon this confession I would want him to know that he has affected my life in ways that are not possible. I have done so many things just to make sure he has had the childhood that was taken away from me. I would give him anything in the world no matter the consequences and that most days, he is my reason for existing. It is so hard to tell him I love him but I would want him to know that he has been my first love since he was born and I wish I could be more just for him. *End of drunken rant*

I hope everyone has a great Christmas and enjoys the holidays.

UPDATED: I made Oreo Balls!!! They were great!!