...And Be Reminded That, For Me, It Isn't Over

I have an obsession with British music. I think there are some really great artists that hail from the UK. That being said, I have been patiently and anxiously waiting for Adele to come out with a new album. I absolutely adored her first album "19." It was excellent, truly excellent. I adore this girls voice. It is powerful yet sweet, rough yet smooth, all the while being silky and melodic.

While reading my most recent edition of Rolling Stone magazine (LOVE this magazine), I see that Adele will be realeasing a new album called "21" in early 2011. She also has a new single out!!!! It's called "Rolling in the Deep" and it is awesome!! Click on the link to listen. It has a great old school, upbeat southern feel to it. She also lost some weight and she looks even more beautiful than before.

I also found that she has been performing another new song off her new album. It's called "Someone Like You" and holy shit is this song beautiful. It is amazingly poignant and touching. I cannot stop listening to it and every time I hear it, I feel the need to hold back tears. I am a true sucker for ballads and this is a perfect one. PERFECT. The piano melody is beautifully sad. The lyrics are heart wrenching and her voice is laced with the perfect amount of pain for the song.

You best believe I will be purchasing this album as soon as it comes out.

And Take A Little Walk, When the Worst Is To Come

Still on my Band of Horses streak. This is my song of the moment: "Detlef Schrempf"

Something that has been a constant in my life for years, might be coming to end. While there is some relief, I feel massive amounts of sorrow. I am drowning in it.

"And say you're at a loss or forgot that words can do more than harm"

This lyric from this song resonates deep within me in a way I cant even explain. It says so much without saying anything at all and no truer words have ever been said.

Words...

They can do so much damage and yet sometimes all you need is a few words to make everything better. I'm Sorry...I love you...so small and so simple and yet they have the power to reverse the irrevocable.

One word can be interpreted so many different ways. One word can come out wrong or absolutely right. Interpretations of these words is just as important as the words themselves. My interpretations have broken me. His interpretations have broken him.

I say things I dont mean. So does he....and though words are fleeting and intangible, the damage they cause is worse than physical pain. You cannot measure how to heal from the pain of words. It is not visible to the eye like a physical scar is. Sometimes you never heal and sometimes the damage cannot be undone.

If this enormous part of life does come to an end, it will not be because of what was said, it will be because of interpretations that were misread and because we did not read between the lines. It will be because of words left unsaid...

By the way, if anyone gets a chance, please listen to Band of Horses "Infinite Arms" performed live. It is breathtaking and evokes emotions that lay dormant. There is something about this song that tugs at my very being. I can physically feel it affecting me. This song is an experience...it is almost supernatural. I hope whoever listens to it can feel what I feel when I hear it.

Emotion Is Energy In Motion

Ok so I noticed I never follow up when I say Im gonna post pics or updates or whatever. Ill get to it eventually...Lately, I have been very busy at work. I am mentally exhausted and dont really want to think much about anything when I get home.

I have also been dealing with some family drama (as usual.) I feel I was betrayed by someone close to me and it has been painful to accept. It is just so disappointing when you put expectations on somebody and they completely do the opposite. The expectations were'nt even unrealistic, they were logical. From this betrayal I have learned two VERY important lessons that I want to share:

1) You cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped. More importantly, the more you help this person, the less appreciative they are of your help. Sometimes people need to find themselves deep in their own shit in order to realize that someone is/was offering them help. Sometimes when you give people too much help, they expect it and think that its a way of life, when in reality help is rare.

2) You can never get something back that was not yours to begin with. I was under the impression that something was given back to me and it was hard to realize that it was never mine to begin with. Sometimes people have impressions of others based on a memory or a shared experience, but those impressions dont always remain the same. I am beginning to accept that people change and the way you remember someone is not necessarily the way they are. Sometimes you think you know someone, then something happens and you realize that you dont know them anymore, you just knew them.

I will always remember these lessons because they represent a tremendous change in my life. I am at a point where I got smacked with the reality of life. And let me tell you that it has hurt me so badly. My icicle of a heart is not used to rational emotion and I've prevented it from being hurt for so many years, that I have become unfamiliar with the feeling of true, rational and unfabricated pain.

Suprisingly, I am not angry or bitter and I have not shed a tear because of this betrayal, I am just broken.

Completely broken....

I've Become So Numb

I havent been doing too good lately. I've been feeling down. I mostly just want to disappear in my slumber. I'm not sure why I am in this downward spiral. All I want to do is sleep and hope that I will feel different once I awake. As Three Days Grace says: "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all" and thats exactly what I feel, nothing at all.

Which is worse?