..And At Once I Knew I Was Not Magnificent

This blog is pretty plain, not much decor or anything going on here huh? I'll have to change that soon. It's a goal of mine for the new year.

Speaking of the new year, I am still feeling quite hopeful. I have many ideas and I've been inspired to accomplish many recurring items on my Lifetime TO Do List (I'm definitely a list person if you cant tell by now.) I have also been thinking about where I want to take this blog. It started out as a public diary, a way of tracking life events, or fleeting emotions and feelings. I often look back at posts and reminisce about what I wrote. I appreciate the fact that I can go back to a certain point in time and recall exactly what I felt because I wrote about it in such detail. Therefore, I know that I want to keep this blog going, even if its just for myself. What I will change is the frequency of my posts. I definitely want to make sure I capture this year because I feel so optimistic about it (so optimistic that I even inserted the quintessential cheesy quote pic in this post), so with that being said, I will make every effort possible to write a post every Friday starting today. I'll make it a habit so it becomes second nature.

I will also continue to post, not only about my feelings at the moment, but my discoveries in myself, in music, in art, in life, and just in general. I want to be able to look back and remind myself of the time where I made a change in my life, whether its a different way of thinking or a new band.  This blog has never been about sharing with the world, it has always been for me and my future selves. So I am making an effort to stop disappointing myself and living up to the things I imagine in my head.

Title post is "Holocene" by Bon Iver

This Year

There is a new year coming and I am feeling optimistic. I feel like this is going to be the year where I make the changes in my life that will lead me to being happy. This is the year where I hope to start the rest of my life.

I plan on paying off all my debt and starting fresh for 2014. I plan on traveling, finally losing those last 20lbs, cooking more, eating healthier, getting a new job, saving money, having fun, and just living. I want this to be the year where I look back and pinpoint it as the start of when things got good. I want to work on having a good and healthy marriage. I want to have fun.

I will try to stay this positive throughout and we will see where this positivity will take me.

2012 A Year in Review

Well I definitely don't write here as often as I did in the past. I truly don't know why because I love to write and I'm sure I could find the time a few days a week. I guess I'll make that a New Year's Resolution then. It's not too early to start talking about the new year since we are exactly 18 days away from 2013.

It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.

2012: My Favorite Events

-The triplets turned one

-Made 7 years with Victor

-Saw The Black Keys in concert for the first time

-Visited my godsister in VA

-Started planning my wedding 

-Took Alyssa to get her first haircut

-Went apple picking

-Got a Keurig

-My little brother graduated from high school

-Helped my brother move into his dorm

-Victor got his Associates Degree

-Had the opportunity to spend some time in Argentina and Uruguay

- Got to vacation in Dominican Republic with all my best friends and family

-Got MARRIED in Dominican Republic

-Lost 20lbs and have kept them off 

-Went to a family reunion for a second year in a row

-Voted for the 3rd time in my life!

-Planned a baby shower :)

-Got to see the triplets begin to grow up

I'm sure there is much more but I cant remember it all. This gives me hope for 2013 because so many wonderful things happened in 2012 without me even making an effort. Come next year, I will make an effort and I think it will be a good year :)

This is the Start of Something Beautiful, This is the Start of Something New



Maurylyne & Victor
10.19.12

So it happened, I am officially married now! All the planning and details and phone calls and emails all paid off. The wedding was beautiful and I had such a great time. It was truly an unforgettable experience and I am so glad that we went through with it. No regrets... 

Title of post "This" by Ed Sheeran

After My Blood Turns Into Alcohol

The mood to write strikes when I feel down and out. At this point, I don't think it matters because I don't think anybody reads this blog anymore anyway.

There are so many exciting and life changing things that will be happening in the next few weeks and while I do feel excited and happy, I am also sad and depressed. I'm scared of change, I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing, that I wont be ready for these changes, that I'll fail in my new role. There is so much uncertainty about everything that's gonna happen  and I cant find a source of comfort or an anchor to root me in this chaos. I have never thought it possible to feel so lonely amidst so much loving and caring people that surround me. I continue to seek the support and approval of the one person who will not give it to me.

At this point, I am doubting things and it's all stacking up. I wish I could just find some stability, some relief, something familiar, something that will let me know it will all be okay. I search and search and have no clue what I'm looking for. All I know is I have yet to find it. When will I feel like I will be okay?

I feel like I have lost so much in the past year and I'm still grieving what I thought my life was gonna be like. What I wanted my life to be like, what I EXPECTED my life to be like. At what point will I accept that nothing is like it was? At what point will I be okay with the fact that things wont ever be the same? Do I have to lose myself in the process of accepting change and adapting? Or do I become a different person? Or do I simply live in a perpetual state of nostalgia? I have so many questions and don't know where to begin to find the answers I need.



Title of post is from "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran

It's Harder to Recall the Many Bad Times

Have you ever found a song that makes you sit back and think about your life? A song that makes you nostalgic, but the kind of nostalgia that you relish and want to hold on to? A song that elicits a flutter in the pit of your stomach and although you don't know what the feeling is, you want to keep it for as long as possible.

I think that moments like that are the reason music exists. Those artists that are truly talented and love what they do, chase those feelings and want to live and bask in them, which is why they make music for a living. And those same feelings are the criteria I use when I'm listening to new music. If it doesn't stir something up in me, it isn't worth my time.

Band of Horses has managed to blow me away with a few songs in each of their albums. To this day, I still claim "Infinite Arms" as my favorite song ever. We even chose it for our first dance at our wedding next month because when I first heard it, I thought of Victor and I thought of our relationship. The song made me catch my breath and it reminded me of the way Victor makes me feel and the way I feel about him. I never wanted to let go of those feelings and I still get them no matter how much I listen to this song. When I played it for him, he loved it too!

 I recently experienced something grand while listening to the new Band of Horses album, Mirage Rock, for the first time. I let the whole album play on Shuffle and when the song "Long Vows" came on, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down. Its a ballad with a sort of woodsy, bluesy country rock vibe and it made me feel a level of nostalgia I have never experienced before.

I put the song on repeat and I kept getting such a strong level of longing for happier times that it bought tears to my eyes and before I knew it, I broke down and I cried for a while. It was a very necessary cry, one that was cleansing, one that bought relief, one that was long overdue because I hadn't had a good cry in so long. I have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to just sit down and think. I didn't know that I needed to let it all out and I didn't know that I needed encouragement or assurance, but I got all these things from simply listening to this song.

I heard "All that you seek/All that you set out to find/Don't let anything change your mind," and got encouragement. I heard "But blankets fall, they don't stay in place just as they were made," and realized that things change and that I have to accept it. Lastly, I heard "And no one's gonna show you the way/When it gets cold you can find yourself made/Back in the hole from which you came/And everything will fall into place." I just needed to know that when all this mayhem going on my life is done, everything will eventually fall into place and everything is gonna be okay.

At the risk of sounding cliche, this is why some people say that music changes their lives...because it does. It really, really does...

Seasons Come and Seasons Go

Wow, I have truly neglected this blog. I don't write nearly as much as I did when I first started this thing. I guess life has gotten way busier since then and also, I don't really have followers so there isnt anybody waiting for a post from me. I write for myself really

I really don't have much to update since my life has been pretty consistent the past several months. I swim in the stress of work, planning my wedding, family time, new obsessions and just the everyday things in life. I am still continuing my healthier lifestyle and couldn't be happier about it. I am seeing results and I feel good everyday, despite my lack of sleep.

Also, fall is upon is. This is my most favorite, favorite time of year. I absolutely love everything about the fall..the colors, scents, food, fashion, weather, everything. I remember I used to make lists on things to accomplish/do with every season. I think I'm gonna start doing that again, with my fall list being the first one. So here is the list I came up with of things to do this season:

1. Apple picking

2. Infuse fall scents into my home (pumpkin, apple, cinnamon)

3. Pumpkin coffee/lattes

4. Take more walks

5. Museum visits

6. Get fall fashion items (boots, jackets, sweaters,etc)

7. Try a new fall inspired recipe (pumpkin, apples, etc)

8. Fall cleaning/apartment makeover

9. Crochet a new hat/scarf for the coming winter

10. Watch new seasons of The Vampire Diaries, The Walking Dead and Dexter!

Is it sad that I am most excited about #3 and #10?