I and I

So my life has been completely swallowed up by wedding planning, almost every minute of my day consists of getting something done for this wedding...even though its 5 months away.  Despite all my time being devoted to this, I have to say that I absolutely love love LOVE planning this wedding.

Actually, I love planning and coordinating events in general. I have also taken on planning a July baby shower for a friend. I enjoy the creative process that goes into getting everything together. I enjoy making the phone calls to vendors and to find out information. I love coming up with decor themes and ideas, I just really enjoy the stress. It's invigorating rather than unhealthy. It's the endorphin inducing kind of stress, not the chemical imbalance kind and it is really good for me to feel like this.

I was at quite a low point almost two months ago, but I have to say that I have been feeling better. I have started an exercise routine and have changed my eating habits quite a bit. I am also taking vitamin B12 and fish oil and they have made such a difference in my energy levels and moods. I am generally in good spirits, which is such an accomplishment for me. I have my low, dark moments but it is no longer a consistent feeling. I am working so hard at maintaining myself at this level. It's crazy how much of an effort I have to make to avoid numbness, but it has certainly been worth it. I have accepted that I might never be what some might call "balanced" but the result of the work I put in outweighs the dark, abysmal and gaping hole.




It may seem easy to live numbly but please, promise me, you wont ever forget how to feel