Can We Get Much Higher?

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Mine was full of drama as usual. I was caught off guard though because I really thought that there would be none this year, but what's a holiday without drama? I am resigned to accept that this is what is to be expected every year. Sadly, its not even boyfriend/fiance drama, it's even worse....FAMILY drama. I say worse because I can't really get rid of them the way I could get rid of a man that brings me problems. I am stuck with these people for life.

Despite my darkness, I made an effort to make my home look Christmas-y. I put up a tree and lights everywhere. I really LOVE the lights I put on my best post and I think I am gonna keep them there all year round. They look so beautiful at night. It gives the room a nice glow.

In other happier news, I got some really awesome gifts this Christmas. One was my Amazon Kindle. This bad boy has not left my side for the last 4 days. I have downloaded a few books and have already completed one of them. I decided to read the Vampire Diaries series because I think that I am a teenager and so that is what I read. Don't you dare judge me! I always find that books are better than movies or, in this case, TV shows, but I have to say that I like the TV show better than the books so far. I am currently on Volume II so maybe it gets better.

Most importantly, Mr. Magic has been replaced. My mom got me a new Chi flat iron!!! I will call him Mr. Magic II. Boy did I miss this flat iron. A few days ago I washed my hair but didn't have my blow drier so I just left it curly. The next day, when it was all dry and frizzy, I remembered that I had a new Mr. Magic so I tested it out and let me tell you that this flat iron is magical. It made my very curly hair straight and silky smooth without blow drying first! Also, I didn't put anything in my hair at all. I wish I would have taken before and after pics but I was in such awe that I didn't even think about it.

Lastly, I got some other things like a Snuggie (I love it! Don't judge!), some nice lotion and other beauty products, a purse, and some really cool coffee mugs. I got the new Kanye West CD, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, for Victor and I have been listening to it non stop so far. I like all types of music, as long as the music is talented. I will be honest, there are not much "talented" rappers out there but Kanye West is definitely one of them. The CD is really, really good and I love that he worked with Justin Vernon from Bon Iver (one of my fav Indie bands). I definitely recommend for everyone to listen to it. I know Kanye is a cocky little shit but keep the artist separated from the music and you will see that he really is talented. I can't pick a favorite song yet, so far I think its "Monster," but "Power" and "Runaway" are close second.

New Blog

I have set up my Weight loss blog. It will be called The Pursuit of Healthiness. It is not final yet, but I do have two posts up. I will be making changes and updates because I am not certain about the background and template designs yet. I am also still working on how I want the blog to work and what I want to gain from it.

You can check it out if you want for now, but there will probably be changes coming soon. I want it to be up and running by Jan 1st, 2011. That is when I will start to post weekly with pics and progress. I will still continue this blog though. My new blog is only for lifestyle change related things, but this one will be for me to post the usual crap that goes through my head. Below is the link to The Pursuit of Healthiness:

http://pursuitofhealthy.blogspot.com/

Let me know what you think

I Need You So Much Closer

Sometimes we feel that nobody has ever been through what we have been through and that nobody has ever felt the way we have felt. The truth is that, somewhere in this vast world, there is a person going through the same thing you are. Or there is someone who has already been through it.

One of the things that amazes me the most is when I find music that feels like it was written for me. Sometimes the lyrics in a song say exactly what I cannot say or don't know how to say. It is comforting to know that other people who have no idea who I am, have felt what I am currently feeling.

This is the case with the song "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie. As many of you know, I love, love, love Death Cab. There is something about their music that really hits home with me. At this moment, this song is saying everything that I have not been able to say to an important person in my life. I need him so much closer...I need him.

I Should Have Known, I Should Have Known

I have a guilty pleasure that I am going to confess. I have come to terms with it and I am no longer ashamed of it. Here it goes:

I ABSOLUTELY ADORE TAYLOR SWIFT!!

There! I said it and I wont take it back because it's true. I love Taylor Swift. I think she is amazing. She is an excellent role model to young girls and she seems so genuine and authentic. She writes all her songs and you can tell they are personal to her by the way she sings them. Not only that, but the lyrics are pretty damn good for someone so young. Even though she is considered a country singer, I really enjoy her songs. She still has innocence and has not been jaded completely by the world yet, but at the same time, she knows a thing or two about life.


Right now her song "White Horse" is stuck in my head. The chorus of this song really hit me:

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around"

I don't think she will ever know how deeply those lyrics affected me. One of my biggest flaws is that deep down, I am a dreamer. I used to believe in fairy tales, I used to think that movies were based off real life but damn Taylor said it so well with this chorus. Life is not a fairy tale and we are not in Hollywood. I was once dreamer but I've been let down so many times already that I refuse to do it anymore. Dreaming has only gotten me hurt.

This was a much needed wake up call and sadly enough, I am resigned to be bitter the rest of my life.

Then I Guess I'll Just Begin Again

I m super duper exhausted today. I only slept about 3 hrs last night and cant keep my eyes open. Work is a little slow right now so I have no motivation to do anything, on top of the fact that I have a massive migraine.

I have so much going through my head right now but I find it very hard to articulate, so I wont. There are things going on in my family that I have been struggling with for months. Once I sort my feelings out and come to terms with them, I will share. Though it is personal, my blog is a way for me to track what I go through from time to time. I have looked back on several posts and realize many things that I would never remember had I not posted it.

In other news, I am really excited about a big change that I am making in my life. I have decided to start a "lifestyle" change and eliminate all unhealthy, processed, fattening foods from my life. I have also decided to start a workout regimen and found a work out buddy who is just as serious as I am.

This change will be very difficult and I know that I will have minimal support. For some reason, when people find out that I am only eating healthy, they delibaretly try to sabotage my plan. They think that because I am not "obese" that I should eat what I want. They dont understand that I am unhappy with the way I look, and although I am not obese, I certainly am not thin. Eating what I want is what has made me unhappy and I am trying to do something about it.

I am more determined than ever to do this for good. I have already started making changes and I have also decided to start a "Weight Loss Blog" as well. At first, I was going to make it private but I decided not to anymore. I think that there are many people in my exact same predicament who might just need to see someone just like them making a big change. Also, it will motivate me more because I know that people might come across the blog and would like to see results.

I'll post more information when I get everything set up. It feels good to have something to look forward to. A goal to attain. A reason to wake up in the morning. Every so often, I wake up happy to be alive. I really should cherish those moments more often.

Happy Holidays

Title of post is from "Ready to Start" by Arcade Fire

...And Be Reminded That, For Me, It Isn't Over

I have an obsession with British music. I think there are some really great artists that hail from the UK. That being said, I have been patiently and anxiously waiting for Adele to come out with a new album. I absolutely adored her first album "19." It was excellent, truly excellent. I adore this girls voice. It is powerful yet sweet, rough yet smooth, all the while being silky and melodic.

While reading my most recent edition of Rolling Stone magazine (LOVE this magazine), I see that Adele will be realeasing a new album called "21" in early 2011. She also has a new single out!!!! It's called "Rolling in the Deep" and it is awesome!! Click on the link to listen. It has a great old school, upbeat southern feel to it. She also lost some weight and she looks even more beautiful than before.

I also found that she has been performing another new song off her new album. It's called "Someone Like You" and holy shit is this song beautiful. It is amazingly poignant and touching. I cannot stop listening to it and every time I hear it, I feel the need to hold back tears. I am a true sucker for ballads and this is a perfect one. PERFECT. The piano melody is beautifully sad. The lyrics are heart wrenching and her voice is laced with the perfect amount of pain for the song.

You best believe I will be purchasing this album as soon as it comes out.