Your Love Is Gonna Drown

Normally the holidays would be a time of joy for most people, but then there are a group of people that hate the holidays and it only brings sadness to them. This year, I think I am a part of the sad holiday crew.

The holidays are reminding me of all the things that no longer exist. Things I had and things that were and could never be again. There is an emptiness and a void stemming from the fact that nothing is that way it was and nothing is the way it should be. The way I want it to be...the way it could be. I feel empty and I feel lonely.

So fucking lonely.


Title of post is from "Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab for Cutie

I'm So Tired, I Can't Even Cry

It is amazing what the human body is capable of. I never thought that I could do so many things with my body without it snapping or breaking in half. I have been working with a personal trainer up to three times a week for the past 4 weeks and every workout session, I surprise myself with what I am capable of doing. Every time I think I cant lift another pound or move another inch, I push through it and end up doing way more than I mentally thought I would be able to.

It is hard to understand how incredibly simple it is to just do it. Even if you think you cant, you literally just push the weight and do it. If you think your arms are gonna fall off, keep going. If your legs are jelly, just run a little more and you will be stunned at how much more you can do.Your body really does stay together and recover. If only life were this simple too...

In other news, I've been listening to this song non-stop. I can really relate right now...plus I still miss Amy. Her label and family are releasing a new album with some demos and unfinished songs she was working on before she passed. Definitely looking forward to it.

Here is "What It Is" by Amy Winehouse