Heading Out...

Heading to Vegas on Sunday. I'll be back in NY by Saturday. Im hoping to take lots of pics and try my luck at gambling. I swear, if I win a heap of money, Im not coming back to New York. Mark my words lol

Its Just My Humble Opinion

Yesterday I saw this message as a bumper sticker on someone's car. This has to be the most shocking bumper sticker I have ever seen. My mouth literally hung open when I read this. This was my first time ever seeing something like this and I feel like this is a really awkward and brash way to make a point. Personally, I dont think its something that should be on your car, but who am I to judge?

Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions but there is a right place and a right time to discuss abortion. To me, bumper sticker on your car is not the way. Thats just my humble opinion. However, although I disagree with this person, I have to hand it to them because it takes a fuckton of balls to put this bumper sticker up on your car. And they sure did make a statement alright.


Title Post is from "Playing God" by Paramore

Why Wont You Live For Me?

I've been listening to some, what would now be considered old school, 90's music and I think I'll start sharing some good songs in hopes that it will bring back memories or I could introduce people to what I listened to back in the day. I noticed that I liked a very wide variety of music back then, just like I do now.

So, does anyone remember The Fugees and their big hit Killing Me Softly? I've been obsessively listening to some of their lead singer's, Lauryn Hill, songs off her "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" album. Back in the day, this album was revered. It was like a 90's masterpiece, and I have to agree. There are some excellent, EXCELLENT songs on this album. Lauryn Hill is the motherf*cking shit in this album.

I'm not sure what happened to her but I believe she peaked with this album because her new stuff does not compare. One song that I truly love is The Ex-Factor. I think everyone can relate to these lyrics. Its about that one person that you know you need to walk away from but at the same time you need them in your life. Its about truly loving someone to the point where they are the only one that can hurt you. Its about falling into a cycle of love and pain. At the end, she asks "why wont you live for me?" and the way she says this brings tears to my eyes. Its just brilliant...

I Wish You Would Step Back From That Ledge, My Friend

I had my iPod on shuffle the other day and all of a sudden the song "Jumper" comes on. This song is by a band called Third Eye Blind. Does anyone remember them and their really popular song "Semi Charmed Life" back in like 1998? I do!

I used to LOVE this band. I listened to their first album "Third Eye Blind" non stop back when I was like in middle school. They were one of the great 90's bands (along with Nirvana, Sublime, Blind Melon, The Verve Pipe) that we took for granted back in the day. Anyway, I've been listening to that album again (I still have it somewhere) and it is just a great album. The lyrics in each song are so touching, clever and heartfelt. I actually remember most of the lyrics even after 12 years!

I think my favorite song is "Motorcycle Drive By" I feel like the lead singer, Stephen Jenkins, had a realization that this girl he was after will never love him and he has to just get over this relationship. He feels lonely but at the same time he is so in tune with his loneliness that he feels alive. I cannot express how beautiful this song is to me. It reminds me of a period in my life that feels like it was so long ago.

I am ecstatic to reconnect with this album and to check out some of their new music.

I Want Your Love and I Want Your Revenge...

Wanted to share this pretty cool cover of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance" by Hayley Williams from Paramore.

I like it!

Lady Gaga and Hayley are both awesome :)

I Wanna Be A Billionaire So Freakin' Bad

Ive been loving this song "Billionaire" by Travie McCoy featuring Bruce Mars (when did he become Travi, I dont know? I remember when he was Travis McCoy but I digress..)

Anyway, I love this song because he wants to be a billionaire, not only to buy the things he's never had but also to give it away and make other people's lives better. He says he would adopt a kid that never had anything, give away gifts like Oprah does on her show, grant someone's last dying wish, and help out Katrina victims. Then when he's done spending, he would make sure that everyone that he loves is set for life and wont ever have to be hungry.

I am so impressed with the way this guy would spend his billions. I dont know if I could ever be that selfless but, if I ever win any large amount of money, I think this song would be a great way to spend it.

See my heart isnt so black after all...

PostSecrets

I have always wanted to submit something to PostSecrets, but I have absolutely nothing that is worth sending. I love reading people's secrets though. It makes me feel like maybe things arent so bad. People are going through way worse things than I am and it makes me grateful for everything I have in my life.

I guess my secret would be:

"Whenever I start to cry, I make myself think of all the other people in the world that have it a lot harder than I do and have every reason to cry, and the tears usually stop after that"

True story...

I'm Too Young To Feel This Old

Its official, my job is aging me.

I have been feeling so unsatisfied with work. One of the worst feelings in the world is when you dread waking up because you know you have to go to work. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately. I dont know what is going on but my job is not making me happy. I am aware that many people's jobs dont make them happy, but I would like to beleive that that is not the case for everyone.

I enjoy what I do and I enjoy the people I work with, but lately I have been feeling like this is not what my life is cut out for. I have felt this before but this time it is much stronger and constant. Its like a nagging feeling that keeps telling me that I am destined for more in this life than tracking revenue for multi-million dollar customers.

I think I recently had an epiphany when I went on a mini vacation to Virginia a few days ago. For the first time, in a very long time, I felt my age while I was there. I did things normal 23 soon to be 24 year olds do all the time. I wasnt worried about how I was gonna pay my rent and credit cards and how I was going to afford gas for the month. I wasnt worried about reconciling accounts and preparing finacial statements for the insurance subsidiary. I just felt so carefree, young, and so....myself.

I come back to New York and reality slapped me in the face. It was the 1st of the month and my rent is due and its my busy week at work and I realize that I just dont know how to find a balance between being young and carefree and being responsible. I cant find a grey area. And again, I realize that this is NOT how my life is supposed to be. I feel like my soul is slowly dying everytime I have to balance a revenue account or defer costs to amortize.

Looking back on this blog, I see that many times I have vouched to change my life, to enjoy myself more often, to try to really live my life and though I feel like I have made changes, it seems I always end up where I started. Reminds me of a Radiohead lyric from the song "15 Steps." (**Click on the link, its an excellent song**) It goes:

"How come I end up where I started

How come I end up where I went wrong"

I always end up back at the beginning and back at the wrong place. Its a vicious cycle but now I am more determined to end it because I have never felt so lost and unsatisfied in my life. I need an answer and I need one fast because I'm slowly disintegrating and blending into the monotony of life that many fall into. And honestly, Im too damn young to feel this old and to feel so trapped.

What is my purpose in life? I refuse to believe my purpose is to simply exist and use up oxygen. I refuse to look back on life and feel like I did nothing worth reminiscing about. There has to be more to life out there. Maybe I just have to reach out and grab it.

Maybe I just have to....let go.