A Moment Like This

I urge anyone who comes accross this blog to check out another blog called: Collect 365 Moments. (Linked) A friend of mine (Delilah) just started this project where she will capture one random moment every day for the next year and will post the picture on the blog. I think its a pretty cool idea. It would be interesting to see what kinds of pictures we will see everyday and the whole collection at year end. She just started this two days ago, so there are currently only two pics. Both awesome pics...I might add.

We take so many things for granted these days. We never stop to just enjoy something like a random moment because we are so used to them that they no longer have value to us. Yet its these little moments that we dont even think about that make life meaningful. I know this sounds like the whole "stop and smell the roses" speech that is so overused and so corny, but the reality is: when was the last time you literally just stopped to smell the roses? When was the last time that you were so much in tune with your reality that it felt like a fantasy? When was the last time you stopped something you were doing and actually thought about what it was you were doing?

It is so easy to beleive that the world is simply you and your sorroundings, but there is so much out there that we have yet to see. And there are so many things that we have seen so many times that we are desensitized. I think that project Collect 365 Moments will be a great way to see every day things from a perspective that is not your own and because of that, I beleive, that eventually all moments will mean something again.

The Road Turned Into A Snake...

Envy on the Coast had their last performance as a band today, Sunday 8.29.10. The show was pretty incredible. They were so energetic and I am sitting here at 3:45am unable to sleep because I still have adrenaline coursing through my body. It was an amazing farewell show and I will only have good memories of this band. I have seen them perform 3 times and they never disappointed so I am really sad that they no longer exist.

The band has decided to break up because 2 of the members are "not happy" in the band. I am not sure what that means but I guess its serious enough that they were willing to break up a union. At first, I felt that those members were selfish and inconsiderate. They did not consider how their decision would affect the other members or how it would affect their future.

Then, I realized that they are not selfish at all. These guys are brave. They did something that many, many people fail to ever do. They were unhappy and they did something about it. They risked everything they worked for and risked their musical careers, as well as the band's career, because they would rather have real, genuine happiness. They know what makes them happy and they were able to identify that music was not it.

I have to respect them for this decision. Many people would have just kept going and been miserable for God knows how long. They would never have the courage to make a decision that causes major, major changes in their lives. I would be one of those people that just goes on living and dealing with my misery. I have done this my whole life. I cant help but wonder how they got to the point in their lives when they were comfortable enough to put themselves and their happiness first. I wonder when they realized what it takes to truly make them happy.

I, on the other hand, am so clueless. I have no idea what makes me happy. I have no idea what I want to gain out of life. I have no idea what my purpose for existing is. I have my shit altogether, but I have never been so lost and I dont even know where to begin to find my way on this road to "happiness..."

The Rising Tide Will Not Let You Forget Me

This post is strictly dedicated to me fangirling over Andrew McMahon. You have been warned....

Friday night, I went to the Something Corporate reunion concert. The band broke up several years ago and got back together for a few concert dates that ended up turning into a small tour. I have to say that this concert was one of the most mature and most incredible concerts I have ever been to. There were no tweens or immature teenagers wreaking havoc so I didnt have to endure their stupidity the whole night. Everyone there was just having a great time and we were all so excited for the show.

I had seen Something Corporate (SoCo) live earlier this year but it was a different atmosphere since it was at Bamboozle and not everyone was there for SoCo. Friday's concert just had such a great vibe. The band was excellent live and you could just tell that after so many years they were so thankful that they still have such a large fan base. And their lead singer, Andrew McMahon, was so sweet the whole time and he looked so happy :) He did not disappoint last night, but then again, when does he?

Andrew is incredibly talented and gifted. He writes beautiful lyrics and creates beautiful melodies with his piano. And to top it off, he's oh so sexy! (Fangirling at all time high here!) He also has another band, Jack's Mannequin, that he started on the side and performed with full time after SoCo broke up. They have the song "Bruised" that I absolutely love and where I got my tattoo lyrics from ("Sometimes perfection can be perfect hell.")

Not only is Andrew talented but he is also a cancer survivor. He was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia when he was just 22 and he was able to treat it because it was caught early. He started the Dear Jack Foundation that raises money for cancer research. Is your heart melting yet? Mine is....And I'm not the only Andrew McMahon fangirl out there. A lot of people look up to him because of what he's been through and what he had done personally and musically.

So, in brief, I had a wonderful night Friday. I can only hope that I can experience another concert like that in my lifetime. So thank you Andrew McMahon for being so damn charming, talented, sexy and cool. I've got a school girl crush on you ;)

Title post is from SoCo song "Ruthless"

Sweet Dreams

I have been in such a hormonal and self deprecating mood this past week. It's utterly pathetic and I hate myself for hating myself. Its a vicious cycle that traps me every month when its almost time for my "monthly visitor." What is the point of menstruating if one has no desire to procreate?

Anyways, I have also been hating my job more and more each day. I dream of other things I could be doing. All things that involve courage and money...and I dont seem to have either of these things. One of the things I dream about, while at my boring job, is to run a cupcake shop. I would be immersed in the smell of sugary sweetness all day. I would wake up early and bake batches of dozens of cupcakes and I would top them all with cool frosting colors and little decorations. I would make cupcake cakes for people who order them and I would test out different cupcake/frosting combinations daily.

The venue where I would run this cupcake shop will be this little rundown place that I gut and remodel from scratch. It would be cool and funky, yet elegant and modern all at once. I would want to do be located in a small town where they have never heard of such a thing as a cupcake shop. I would know all my customer by name and they would stop in on Sunday afternoons for a treat. I would make cupcake cakes for every occassion in town and then I would eventually add other features to my shop, like cakes, cookies, and drinks such as hot chocolate with cinnamon sticks and whipped cream and peach sweet tea with mint leaves.

And then reality smacks me in the face and I realize how pathetically unrealistic I am being. All these dreams are, were, and always will be just that: DREAMS. But would it be wrong of me to hope?

Do The Hustle!

In wake of my epiphany about enjoying life and having fun, I signed up for unlimited dance lessons for a month in the city at a place called Dance Paradise. They offer classes for Salsa, Merengue, Bachata, Cha Cha and Hustle. My first time going was yesterday. I made it to the 8:30pm Beginners Hustle class.

Now, its not the hustle that everyone is thinking about. Its more of an old school salsa....well, its the dance that salsa originated from. Its a very graceful dance that consists of simple steps that get repeated. Its definitely not the hustle from the 70's that first comes to mind.

Anyway, I went with two of my co-workers and Victor. Yes, he agreed to come and that made me so happy! There were only two guys there and he was one of them. The rest were women of all ages. Since the dance steps are different for the men, the two guys got private lessons from the female instructor while all the girls learned together with the male instructor.

I had such a blast trying to learn how to turn and fall back into step. It was so much fun!! I had such an awesome time. Nobody there was judging you, the instructor didnt make you feel stupid, and it was just all fun. Even Victor had a good time, and told me he wanted to go to the Beginners Salsa. I will definitely be taking advantage and going a few times a week. I wanna go to the Bachata/Cha Cha class.

Going to dance lessons is something I would NEVER agree to do and thats the exact reason why I did it. And so far, I think it's gonna be a great decision. It's amazing how this one simple deviation can make such a difference in me. This little step has made me so happy and it has made me want to keep trying new things that I would never do. It felt great to throw caution and insecurities to the wind and just....dance. I just wonder, what else have I been missing out on?

Its Looking Like A Limb Torn Off

Double post today :)

A few weeks ago I posted a video of "No One's Gonna Love You" by Band of Horses. Im still literally obessesed with the song and I just found out that Cee Lo Green, the lead singer of Gnarles Barkley, covered the song....and its AWESOME!!! I just had to share it. I love cover songs! Especially really, really good ones. Enjoy :)

Another cover song to check out: 30 Seconds to Mars- "Bad Romance (Lady Gaga Cover)"

And These Foolish Games....

In keeping up with the throwback to the 90's, that I begun a few weeks ago, I wanted to share Jewel "Foolish Games."(Click for video). I woke up with this song in my head today. I had forgotten how much I loved this song back then. I especially love the following lines:

"Well, excuse me,

Guess I've mistaken you for somebody else,
Somebody who gave a damn,
Somebody more like myself "

Its hard to pick out specific lyrics because, honestly, the whole song is lyrically excellent. Its hard not to be affected by the pain in her voice. I mean, I have no doubt in my mind that her heart is breaking. I can actually feel her pain and the confusion caused by the foolish games people play when in relationships.

I think this is song is a great example of how pop music has gone downhill. Its so difficult to find songs this well written and composed and this touching. Maybe its just me...I dont know, but in any case, I still absolutely love this song after so many years ;)

This Is Who I Really Am Inside

I'll be turning 24 in exactly 24 days. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm getting old. Next year, I will be 25 years old. That is a whole quarter of a century. I feel like I havent lived yet.

Lately, Victor has been putting pressure on me to agree that in a few years, we will start a family...meaning have a baby. I havent answered him because my answer will break his heart. I dont want kids. I never have and its starting to feel like I never will. I know this is wrong but to me children = the end of my youth and that is something that I am NOT ready to give up yet.

I have been an adult most of my life. I have been responsible and mature since I was about 7 years old. Now is the time that I am starting to feel young. Most days I wake up and I feel like a 16 yr old posing as an almost 24 yr old adult. I feel like this is the time for me to do the things that I didnt get a chance to do before because I was too busy being responsible. I need time to be young and carefree. A baby will take all of this away from me and all I'll do is end up resenting it and living vicariously through others.

My biggest concern, as I have mentioned numerous times before, is living with regret. I dont want to be an old lady who wonders what could have been or who regrets not doing enough. I already feel that way. The difference is that right now I have time to change this feeling, but if I wait any longer, I will not get the chance I have right now. Everyday that goes by, I get older and my opportunity diminishes. Everyday, I hate the fact that it feels like my time is running out. Everyday, it feels like I get closer to the end.

I know that I probably sound like the most selfish, self absorbed, heartless bitch in the world because I would rather live my life than bear a child. But the thing is that this is how I feel. I am being honest with myself and I am more comfortable with the truth than I am with lying about what I feel just so that society doesnt view me as a heartless bitch. People say that this changes with time and maybe it will but right now, I dont have any semblance of a biological clock ticking and telling me its time. I dont have any semblance of motherly instinct. I am not touched by the sight of a newborn nor is my heart fulfilled when I hear child's laughter.

I need to focus on myself and on being happy and living my life. I dont want to think about starting a family or having a baby. Right now, the only thing I need the most of is the thing I feel I am running out of: TIME