There is a new year coming and I am feeling optimistic. I feel like this is going to be the year where I make the changes in my life that will lead me to being happy. This is the year where I hope to start the rest of my life.
I plan on paying off all my debt and starting fresh for 2014. I plan on traveling, finally losing those last 20lbs, cooking more, eating healthier, getting a new job, saving money, having fun, and just living. I want this to be the year where I look back and pinpoint it as the start of when things got good. I want to work on having a good and healthy marriage. I want to have fun.
I will try to stay this positive throughout and we will see where this positivity will take me.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Thursday, December 13, 2012
2012 A Year in Review
Well I definitely don't write here as often as I did in the past. I truly don't know why because I love to write and I'm sure I could find the time a few days a week. I guess I'll make that a New Year's Resolution then. It's not too early to start talking about the new year since we are exactly 18 days away from 2013.
It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.
It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.
2012: My Favorite Events
-The triplets turned one
-Made 7 years with Victor
-Saw The Black Keys in concert for the first time
-Visited my godsister in VA
-Started planning my wedding
-Took Alyssa to get her first haircut
-Went apple picking
-Got a Keurig
-My little brother graduated from high school
-Helped my brother move into his dorm
-Victor got his Associates Degree
-Had the opportunity to spend some time in Argentina and Uruguay
- Got to vacation in Dominican Republic with all my best friends and family
-Got MARRIED in Dominican Republic
-Lost 20lbs and have kept them off
-Went to a family reunion for a second year in a row
-Voted for the 3rd time in my life!
-Planned a baby shower :)
-Got to see the triplets begin to grow up
I'm sure there is much more but I cant remember it all. This gives me hope for 2013 because so many wonderful things happened in 2012 without me even making an effort. Come next year, I will make an effort and I think it will be a good year :)
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
This is the Start of Something Beautiful, This is the Start of Something New
So it happened, I am officially married now! All the planning and details and phone calls and emails all paid off. The wedding was beautiful and I had such a great time. It was truly an unforgettable experience and I am so glad that we went through with it. No regrets...
 | |
| Maurylyne & Victor 10.19.12 |
Title of post "This" by Ed Sheeran
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
After My Blood Turns Into Alcohol
The mood to write strikes when I feel down and out. At this point, I don't think it matters because I don't think anybody reads this blog anymore anyway.
There are so many exciting and life changing things that will be happening in the next few weeks and while I do feel excited and happy, I am also sad and depressed. I'm scared of change, I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing, that I wont be ready for these changes, that I'll fail in my new role. There is so much uncertainty about everything that's gonna happen and I cant find a source of comfort or an anchor to root me in this chaos. I have never thought it possible to feel so lonely amidst so much loving and caring people that surround me. I continue to seek the support and approval of the one person who will not give it to me.
At this point, I am doubting things and it's all stacking up. I wish I could just find some stability, some relief, something familiar, something that will let me know it will all be okay. I search and search and have no clue what I'm looking for. All I know is I have yet to find it. When will I feel like I will be okay?
I feel like I have lost so much in the past year and I'm still grieving what I thought my life was gonna be like. What I wanted my life to be like, what I EXPECTED my life to be like. At what point will I accept that nothing is like it was? At what point will I be okay with the fact that things wont ever be the same? Do I have to lose myself in the process of accepting change and adapting? Or do I become a different person? Or do I simply live in a perpetual state of nostalgia? I have so many questions and don't know where to begin to find the answers I need.
Title of post is from "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran
There are so many exciting and life changing things that will be happening in the next few weeks and while I do feel excited and happy, I am also sad and depressed. I'm scared of change, I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing, that I wont be ready for these changes, that I'll fail in my new role. There is so much uncertainty about everything that's gonna happen and I cant find a source of comfort or an anchor to root me in this chaos. I have never thought it possible to feel so lonely amidst so much loving and caring people that surround me. I continue to seek the support and approval of the one person who will not give it to me.
At this point, I am doubting things and it's all stacking up. I wish I could just find some stability, some relief, something familiar, something that will let me know it will all be okay. I search and search and have no clue what I'm looking for. All I know is I have yet to find it. When will I feel like I will be okay?
I feel like I have lost so much in the past year and I'm still grieving what I thought my life was gonna be like. What I wanted my life to be like, what I EXPECTED my life to be like. At what point will I accept that nothing is like it was? At what point will I be okay with the fact that things wont ever be the same? Do I have to lose myself in the process of accepting change and adapting? Or do I become a different person? Or do I simply live in a perpetual state of nostalgia? I have so many questions and don't know where to begin to find the answers I need.
Title of post is from "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran
Friday, September 21, 2012
It's Harder to Recall the Many Bad Times
Have you ever found a song that makes you sit back and think about your life? A song that makes you nostalgic, but the kind of nostalgia that you relish and want to hold on to? A song that elicits a flutter in the pit of your stomach and although you don't know what the feeling is, you want to keep it for as long as possible.
I think that moments like that are the reason music exists. Those artists that are truly talented and love what they do, chase those feelings and want to live and bask in them, which is why they make music for a living. And those same feelings are the criteria I use when I'm listening to new music. If it doesn't stir something up in me, it isn't worth my time.
Band of Horses has managed to blow me away with a few songs in each of their albums. To this day, I still claim "Infinite Arms" as my favorite song ever. We even chose it for our first dance at our wedding next month because when I first heard it, I thought of Victor and I thought of our relationship. The song made me catch my breath and it reminded me of the way Victor makes me feel and the way I feel about him. I never wanted to let go of those feelings and I still get them no matter how much I listen to this song. When I played it for him, he loved it too!
I recently experienced something grand while listening to the new Band of Horses album, Mirage Rock, for the first time. I let the whole album play on Shuffle and when the song "Long Vows" came on, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down. Its a ballad with a sort of woodsy, bluesy country rock vibe and it made me feel a level of nostalgia I have never experienced before.
I put the song on repeat and I kept getting such a strong level of longing for happier times that it bought tears to my eyes and before I knew it, I broke down and I cried for a while. It was a very necessary cry, one that was cleansing, one that bought relief, one that was long overdue because I hadn't had a good cry in so long. I have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to just sit down and think. I didn't know that I needed to let it all out and I didn't know that I needed encouragement or assurance, but I got all these things from simply listening to this song.
I heard "All that you seek/All that you set out to find/Don't let anything change your mind," and got encouragement. I heard "But blankets fall, they don't stay in place just as they were made," and realized that things change and that I have to accept it. Lastly, I heard "And no one's gonna show you the way/When it gets cold you can find yourself made/Back in the hole from which you came/And everything will fall into place." I just needed to know that when all this mayhem going on my life is done, everything will eventually fall into place and everything is gonna be okay.
At the risk of sounding cliche, this is why some people say that music changes their lives...because it does. It really, really does...
I think that moments like that are the reason music exists. Those artists that are truly talented and love what they do, chase those feelings and want to live and bask in them, which is why they make music for a living. And those same feelings are the criteria I use when I'm listening to new music. If it doesn't stir something up in me, it isn't worth my time.
Band of Horses has managed to blow me away with a few songs in each of their albums. To this day, I still claim "Infinite Arms" as my favorite song ever. We even chose it for our first dance at our wedding next month because when I first heard it, I thought of Victor and I thought of our relationship. The song made me catch my breath and it reminded me of the way Victor makes me feel and the way I feel about him. I never wanted to let go of those feelings and I still get them no matter how much I listen to this song. When I played it for him, he loved it too! I recently experienced something grand while listening to the new Band of Horses album, Mirage Rock, for the first time. I let the whole album play on Shuffle and when the song "Long Vows" came on, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down. Its a ballad with a sort of woodsy, bluesy country rock vibe and it made me feel a level of nostalgia I have never experienced before.
I put the song on repeat and I kept getting such a strong level of longing for happier times that it bought tears to my eyes and before I knew it, I broke down and I cried for a while. It was a very necessary cry, one that was cleansing, one that bought relief, one that was long overdue because I hadn't had a good cry in so long. I have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to just sit down and think. I didn't know that I needed to let it all out and I didn't know that I needed encouragement or assurance, but I got all these things from simply listening to this song.
I heard "All that you seek/All that you set out to find/Don't let anything change your mind," and got encouragement. I heard "But blankets fall, they don't stay in place just as they were made," and realized that things change and that I have to accept it. Lastly, I heard "And no one's gonna show you the way/When it gets cold you can find yourself made/Back in the hole from which you came/And everything will fall into place." I just needed to know that when all this mayhem going on my life is done, everything will eventually fall into place and everything is gonna be okay.
At the risk of sounding cliche, this is why some people say that music changes their lives...because it does. It really, really does...
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Seasons Come and Seasons Go
Wow, I have truly neglected this blog. I don't write nearly as much as I did when I first started this thing. I guess life has gotten way busier since then and also, I don't really have followers so there isnt anybody waiting for a post from me. I write for myself really
I really don't have much to update since my life has been pretty consistent the past several months. I swim in the stress of work, planning my wedding, family time, new obsessions and just the everyday things in life. I am still continuing my healthier lifestyle and couldn't be happier about it. I am seeing results and I feel good everyday, despite my lack of sleep.
Also, fall is upon is. This is my most favorite, favorite time of year. I absolutely love everything about the fall..the colors, scents, food, fashion, weather, everything. I remember I used to make lists on things to accomplish/do with every season. I think I'm gonna start doing that again, with my fall list being the first one. So here is the list I came up with of things to do this season:
Is it sad that I am most excited about #3 and #10?
I really don't have much to update since my life has been pretty consistent the past several months. I swim in the stress of work, planning my wedding, family time, new obsessions and just the everyday things in life. I am still continuing my healthier lifestyle and couldn't be happier about it. I am seeing results and I feel good everyday, despite my lack of sleep.
Also, fall is upon is. This is my most favorite, favorite time of year. I absolutely love everything about the fall..the colors, scents, food, fashion, weather, everything. I remember I used to make lists on things to accomplish/do with every season. I think I'm gonna start doing that again, with my fall list being the first one. So here is the list I came up with of things to do this season:
1. Apple picking
2. Infuse fall scents into my home (pumpkin, apple, cinnamon)
3. Pumpkin coffee/lattes
4. Take more walks
5. Museum visits
6. Get fall fashion items (boots, jackets, sweaters,etc)
7. Try a new fall inspired recipe (pumpkin, apples, etc)
8. Fall cleaning/apartment makeover
9. Crochet a new hat/scarf for the coming winter
10. Watch new seasons of The Vampire Diaries, The Walking Dead and Dexter!
Is it sad that I am most excited about #3 and #10?
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Alterations
About 5 weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers. I realized that my wedding date was approaching fast and I was not finding the motivation I needed to get into the shape I would be happy in for my wedding. I needed some sort of guidance, schedule, a checkpoint or something so I decided to try Weight Watchers.
It has been the best decision I have made as far as healthy living/weight loss goes. It's so easy, a first grader could do it. You just put in your current weight, your goal weight and the amount of time you want to lose the weight in. Then they calculate how many "points" you can eat per day in order to achieve your weight loss goal.
The point system is really so simple and effective. Virtually anything you eat can be found in the points database and instead of counting calories, fat grams, sodium, etc, you simply count points. So for example, I am allowed 30 points per day (points vary on the amount of weight you want to lose and the amount of time you have.) All fruits and vegetables have no points, so you could eat them all day and they don't count towards your daily count.
Now, I will admit that 30 points per day is NOT a lot of points at all. I could easily eat 12 points in just one meal (medium french fries are 11 points, Chinese food is easily 25 points, 4 chicken nuggets is 6 points, medium Hagen daze sorbet is 12 points, see where I'm going?) On a healthier note, a 6 oz container of Chobani Greek Yogurt is 4 points alone, so I have to plan out what I eat well and I have to incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies in my day so that I stay satisfied and full.
In addition to your daily points, you get a number of plus points to spread out during the week. So basically they are like cheat points in case you go out that week and eat a little extra or something like that. I have an additional 49 points per week, so basically 7 extra points per day. I am proud to say that I have never used my entire 49 points in the weeks I have been doing this. Some days I go over my 30 by a few points, and on the weekends I use up a few as well, but I try not to use the plus points at all.
Let me tell you that it has been a lot easier than it sounds. At first, I struggled to stay within my 30 daily points and I felt like nothing satisfied me. I was frustrated because I wanted to eat fries like everyone else was but I knew that if I did, I would have to eat fruits the rest of the day. I was not happy at all, but at some point between week 1 and now currently week 5, something changed. I subconsciously started making healthier food choices, even when I was going out to eat.
I no longer crave or desire greasy fast food anymore. I find myself looking forward to eating that peach or my spinach salad. Once in a while, I want something sweet or fatty and I'll take one or two spoonfuls of ice cream or cake. If I really, really crave something, I'll just eat it and adjust the rest of my day accordingly. I dont feel deprived, I NEVER feel hungry and even when I just have the munchies, I still make healthy food choices. It's crazy because it's like I dont even know who I am anymore lol. I have been able to sit with a group of people eating salad or drinking water, while they all eat a hot fudge brownie or a slice of pizza and I have been okay. Once you get over those initial 2 weeks, things get so much easier. Your cravings are controlled and eating healthy becomes a habit, not a chore.
Weight Watchers works, I have watched my body change in just 5 weeks. I have lost a total of about 15lbs in 5 weeks, without doing intensive workouts (actually I barely work out at all to be honest.) I have consistently lost 2-3lbs every week, so I know it's healthy weight loss that I will not allow to come back. I am going to start a workout routine since I only have 2 months left til the wedding and I'm sure this will tone me up and help with even more weight loss.
A few days ago, I tried on my wedding dress. When I purchased it in May, it was very tight, especially in the hip area. My stomach was permanently sucked in while wearing the dress and I never dared to try and sit down while wearing it because it was just so tight. When I tried on the same dress a few days ago, it wouldn't even stay on! I had to hold the dress up on me so it wouldn't slip and I have so much more room in my hips. The dress is so much more flattering on me now and I cant wait to see how much better it will look when I finish losing these 30 lbs!!
It has been the best decision I have made as far as healthy living/weight loss goes. It's so easy, a first grader could do it. You just put in your current weight, your goal weight and the amount of time you want to lose the weight in. Then they calculate how many "points" you can eat per day in order to achieve your weight loss goal.
The point system is really so simple and effective. Virtually anything you eat can be found in the points database and instead of counting calories, fat grams, sodium, etc, you simply count points. So for example, I am allowed 30 points per day (points vary on the amount of weight you want to lose and the amount of time you have.) All fruits and vegetables have no points, so you could eat them all day and they don't count towards your daily count.
Now, I will admit that 30 points per day is NOT a lot of points at all. I could easily eat 12 points in just one meal (medium french fries are 11 points, Chinese food is easily 25 points, 4 chicken nuggets is 6 points, medium Hagen daze sorbet is 12 points, see where I'm going?) On a healthier note, a 6 oz container of Chobani Greek Yogurt is 4 points alone, so I have to plan out what I eat well and I have to incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies in my day so that I stay satisfied and full.
In addition to your daily points, you get a number of plus points to spread out during the week. So basically they are like cheat points in case you go out that week and eat a little extra or something like that. I have an additional 49 points per week, so basically 7 extra points per day. I am proud to say that I have never used my entire 49 points in the weeks I have been doing this. Some days I go over my 30 by a few points, and on the weekends I use up a few as well, but I try not to use the plus points at all.
Let me tell you that it has been a lot easier than it sounds. At first, I struggled to stay within my 30 daily points and I felt like nothing satisfied me. I was frustrated because I wanted to eat fries like everyone else was but I knew that if I did, I would have to eat fruits the rest of the day. I was not happy at all, but at some point between week 1 and now currently week 5, something changed. I subconsciously started making healthier food choices, even when I was going out to eat.
I no longer crave or desire greasy fast food anymore. I find myself looking forward to eating that peach or my spinach salad. Once in a while, I want something sweet or fatty and I'll take one or two spoonfuls of ice cream or cake. If I really, really crave something, I'll just eat it and adjust the rest of my day accordingly. I dont feel deprived, I NEVER feel hungry and even when I just have the munchies, I still make healthy food choices. It's crazy because it's like I dont even know who I am anymore lol. I have been able to sit with a group of people eating salad or drinking water, while they all eat a hot fudge brownie or a slice of pizza and I have been okay. Once you get over those initial 2 weeks, things get so much easier. Your cravings are controlled and eating healthy becomes a habit, not a chore.
Weight Watchers works, I have watched my body change in just 5 weeks. I have lost a total of about 15lbs in 5 weeks, without doing intensive workouts (actually I barely work out at all to be honest.) I have consistently lost 2-3lbs every week, so I know it's healthy weight loss that I will not allow to come back. I am going to start a workout routine since I only have 2 months left til the wedding and I'm sure this will tone me up and help with even more weight loss.
A few days ago, I tried on my wedding dress. When I purchased it in May, it was very tight, especially in the hip area. My stomach was permanently sucked in while wearing the dress and I never dared to try and sit down while wearing it because it was just so tight. When I tried on the same dress a few days ago, it wouldn't even stay on! I had to hold the dress up on me so it wouldn't slip and I have so much more room in my hips. The dress is so much more flattering on me now and I cant wait to see how much better it will look when I finish losing these 30 lbs!!
Friday, August 10, 2012
AAA
On a positive note, I have to express how proud and happy I am to have my niece and nephews in my life. They have single handedly been the best thing that ever happened to me. They bring nothing but joy to my life and have truly been a blessing.
The love I feel for these babies can never be put into words. I am honored to be able to watch them grow and learn new things. They are the most perfect and beautiful babies I have ever seen and I will love them unconditionally for their entire lives.
Aaron, Alex and Alyssa have my heart in its entirety. I will always love them.
 |
| Alexander |
 |
| Alyssa |
 |
| Aaron |
I'm Half Alive But Feel Mostly Dead
Today I feel so sad that I have to write about it in order to let some of this sadness go.
I've been watching a lot of wedding shows on TLC and WEtv. Not only are they entertaining but I like to see what other people are doing in their weddings or what kind of wedding dresses people are buying, etc. After several marathons the past few weeks, I noticed a trend: every single person chosen for all these shows (Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, My Fair Wedding with David Tuttera, etc) has so much love and support in their lives. I mean these women bring a crowd of people with them just to select a wedding dress. Every single person cries when she chooses the right dress. The mom is so proud of the daughter and the father is so happy, etc. They have nothing but nice things to say about the bride and how deserving she is of everything she is getting.
What the fuck? Is this real life? I've come to the conclusion that either people like me dont get married or these television networks dont select people like me or with similar stories to go on TV. I have never seen a bride on any of these shows that I could relate to and it makes me sad because I start to realize that my wedding experience has been far from fairy tale worthy so far. As a matter of fact, nothing in my life has ever been fairy tale worthy and it just makes me wonder why?
My wedding is planned on the tightest and lowest of budgets. I am getting no financial help or support for this from anyone. It is all coming out of the money I have saved for years and once that is used up, the rest will be paid by credit cards. My mom didnt go with me to pick out my wedding dress and when I tried it on for her, she didnt cry with joy at all. She hates my dress and tried to convince me to get a different one. Now I question my dress and wonder if it's even right for me. I feel like I'm settling because the price was affordable and so far I've had to settle for so many things simply because I cant afford what I really want.
Perhaps the saddest part of this all, is that my father will not be attending my wedding. Not because he cant, but because he doesnt want to. He gave me every excuse in the book and when I refuted each excuse with a valid point, he flat out told me he refused to come. I've held on to that news for a little while now and had to release it before it consumed me. So I will not have my father give me away at my wedding and I will not have a father/daughter dance. My father will not tear up as I say my vows, he will not beam with pride and he will not think I am the most beautiful bride.
This all just makes me wonder what all those other girls have that I dont? Why do they get unconditional love and support? Why do they get unlimited budgets to select their dresses and to prepare their wedding? Why do they get to live out their dreams and I dont? It all makes me feel so inadequate and miserable.
I dont want to seem like I dont appreciate the support I have gotten so far, because I really and truly do. There have been many, many people that have been there for me thus far and my gratitude cannot be expressed in words. They have kept me going so far. I guess the problem is that I still have not gotten the support I need the most, the support I have seeked for years, the support that will sustain me,
What the fuck? Is this real life? I've come to the conclusion that either people like me dont get married or these television networks dont select people like me or with similar stories to go on TV. I have never seen a bride on any of these shows that I could relate to and it makes me sad because I start to realize that my wedding experience has been far from fairy tale worthy so far. As a matter of fact, nothing in my life has ever been fairy tale worthy and it just makes me wonder why?
My wedding is planned on the tightest and lowest of budgets. I am getting no financial help or support for this from anyone. It is all coming out of the money I have saved for years and once that is used up, the rest will be paid by credit cards. My mom didnt go with me to pick out my wedding dress and when I tried it on for her, she didnt cry with joy at all. She hates my dress and tried to convince me to get a different one. Now I question my dress and wonder if it's even right for me. I feel like I'm settling because the price was affordable and so far I've had to settle for so many things simply because I cant afford what I really want.
Perhaps the saddest part of this all, is that my father will not be attending my wedding. Not because he cant, but because he doesnt want to. He gave me every excuse in the book and when I refuted each excuse with a valid point, he flat out told me he refused to come. I've held on to that news for a little while now and had to release it before it consumed me. So I will not have my father give me away at my wedding and I will not have a father/daughter dance. My father will not tear up as I say my vows, he will not beam with pride and he will not think I am the most beautiful bride.
I will walk myself down the aisle. I will give myself away.
This all just makes me wonder what all those other girls have that I dont? Why do they get unconditional love and support? Why do they get unlimited budgets to select their dresses and to prepare their wedding? Why do they get to live out their dreams and I dont? It all makes me feel so inadequate and miserable.
I dont want to seem like I dont appreciate the support I have gotten so far, because I really and truly do. There have been many, many people that have been there for me thus far and my gratitude cannot be expressed in words. They have kept me going so far. I guess the problem is that I still have not gotten the support I need the most, the support I have seeked for years, the support that will sustain me,
the support from my father.
Title of post from "You Were Meant For Me" by Jewel
Monday, July 23, 2012
Close My Eyes
Has anyone ever gone back and listened to music they used to love many years back? Back in 1997 or 1998, my favorite album was Butterfly by Mariah Carey. I used to listen to it non-stop in my little portable CD player and, at the time, thought I fully understood each song and had a connection with them. Looking back, it was impossible for a 12 year old to be able to relate to the musings of a then 28 year old Mariah Carey.
I recently went back and re-listened to that entire album and I gotta say that it is truly and incredible album. My reaction to it is completely different from what it was 14 years back. I love this album more than I did before because now I completely understand it. I can truly relate to it, I can picture myself in it, I can envision it, I can include myself in the lyrics. I was not able to do these things back then and being able to do it now, makes all the difference.
While I love the fact that I am able to compare how much I have grown mentally and emotionally through music, I am also saddened at the fact that the amount of music that will withstand the test of time like this album has, is almost non existant. Maybe it's because of the memories listening to this album stirs up or maybe it's because I slowly realizing I am aging and this all makes me nostalgic, but 15 years from now, there will only be a small handful of albums that will be able to evoke the feelings Butterfly has for me. I only hope that the youth now is able to look back years from now and listen to an album and fall in love with it again, like I have.
Going through all the tracks in Butterfly, the one that hit me hardest was "Close My Eyes." If this song had been released in present day, I would swear it was written about me. It completely describes what I feel and think and my reflections of self. I am thoroughly impressed with the fact that whoever wrote this was able to put those kind of feelings into words, since I have tried and have not succeeded.
Below are the lyrics, hopefully others can relate as well:
I recently went back and re-listened to that entire album and I gotta say that it is truly and incredible album. My reaction to it is completely different from what it was 14 years back. I love this album more than I did before because now I completely understand it. I can truly relate to it, I can picture myself in it, I can envision it, I can include myself in the lyrics. I was not able to do these things back then and being able to do it now, makes all the difference.
While I love the fact that I am able to compare how much I have grown mentally and emotionally through music, I am also saddened at the fact that the amount of music that will withstand the test of time like this album has, is almost non existant. Maybe it's because of the memories listening to this album stirs up or maybe it's because I slowly realizing I am aging and this all makes me nostalgic, but 15 years from now, there will only be a small handful of albums that will be able to evoke the feelings Butterfly has for me. I only hope that the youth now is able to look back years from now and listen to an album and fall in love with it again, like I have.
Going through all the tracks in Butterfly, the one that hit me hardest was "Close My Eyes." If this song had been released in present day, I would swear it was written about me. It completely describes what I feel and think and my reflections of self. I am thoroughly impressed with the fact that whoever wrote this was able to put those kind of feelings into words, since I have tried and have not succeeded.
Below are the lyrics, hopefully others can relate as well:
Close My Eyes
I was wayward child
With the weight of the world
That I held deep inside
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things
Little ones shouldn't know
That I held deep inside
Life was a winding road
And I learned many things
Little ones shouldn't know
[Chorus:]
But I closed my eyes
Steadied my feet on the ground
Raised my head to the sky
And though time's rolled by
Still feel like a child
As I look at the moon
Maybe I grew up
A little too soon
Funny how one can learn
To grow numb to the madness
And block it away
I left the worst unsaid
Let it all dissipate
And I try to forget
Nearing the edge
Oblivious I almost
Fell right over
A part of me
Will never be quite able
To feel stable
That woman-child falling inside
Was on the verge of fading
Thankfully I
Woke up in time
Guardian angel I
Sail away on an ocean
With you by my side
Orange clouds roll by
They burn into your image
And you're still alive
(You're always alive)
Friday, May 25, 2012
Always Be My Baby
Yesterday was my little brother's prom. I still cannot get over how handsome he looked in his tux with his little bowtie. This past month has been so hard for me to go through because it is finally hitting home that my little brother is not little anymore. He is 18 years old and he is so intelligent, mature, responsible, trustworthy, humble, dependable, witty, wise, funny, handsome...and I could go on and on with nothing but positive adjectives to describe him. I cannot articulate how proud I am of my brother. I have no doubt in my mind he will become whatever he wants to be. He is exceptionally intelligent and motivated and I am confident in him and his abilities.
I've been in love with my little brother since he was born. He's been my little baby for years and now he's an adult with a car, a steady girlfriend, graduating high school and starting an excellent college (NYU) in the fall. It's hard to grasp that without feeling old and without feeling like I could lose him. I guess this is how parents feel when their kids start getting older.
I hope that when my brother looks back on his life, he can see how much I absolutely admire him and adore him unconditionally. I hope he can tell that I do and will support him in all his choices. I hope that he knows that I would give up my life for him without any doubt in my mind. I would do anything for him and I will applaud him like he deserves. I will give him the guidance, praise and assurance that I never got and that I needed at his age. I will encourage him to do what makes him happy and I will ensure he finds happiness.
I hope he notices that I tried to shield him from all the drama that comes with my family and I tried to ensure he had a normal childhood. I hope that he is able to look back on his childhood and have more happy memories than sad ones. I hope he knows that nothing will ever change the amount of love I have for him.
Most importantly, I hope he knows that no matter what happens, no matter how much time goes by, no matter how old we are, no matter the circumstances, he will always, always, always be my little brother.
Friday, May 18, 2012
A Song For You
Am I the only one who tears up every time I hear an Amy Winehouse song? I literally tear up every time.
 |
| RIP Amy Jade Winehouse |
You can definitely hear and feel her emotions while listening to the song. Ultimately, this cover is gut wrenchingly beautiful. In it's own rustic way, it is truly touching and emotionally charged. It brings me to tears every time I hear it. There is one particular part that really hits me hard. She says:
"And when my life is over
Remember, remember, remember
When we were together
And I was singing this song for you"
This song has been deemed her unofficial suicide note and many people think this is why she was so emotional while recording it. It definitely feels like a goodbye to her fans and loved ones and it brings a sense of closure to her posthumous album.
At the end of the song, she talks about Donnie Hathaway, who recorded the most popular cover of this song and who was her all time favorist artist. She says: "Donnie Hathaway...it was like he couldnt contain himself. He had something in him you know." If only she knew that many of us fans felt and still feel that way about her...
Thursday, May 17, 2012
I and I
So my life has been completely swallowed up by wedding planning, almost every minute of my day consists of getting something done for this wedding...even though its 5 months away. Despite all my time being devoted to this, I have to say that I absolutely love love LOVE planning this wedding.
Actually, I love planning and coordinating events in general. I have also taken on planning a July baby shower for a friend. I enjoy the creative process that goes into getting everything together. I enjoy making the phone calls to vendors and to find out information. I love coming up with decor themes and ideas, I just really enjoy the stress. It's invigorating rather than unhealthy. It's the endorphin inducing kind of stress, not the chemical imbalance kind and it is really good for me to feel like this.
I was at quite a low point almost two months ago, but I have to say that I have been feeling better. I have started an exercise routine and have changed my eating habits quite a bit. I am also taking vitamin B12 and fish oil and they have made such a difference in my energy levels and moods. I am generally in good spirits, which is such an accomplishment for me. I have my low, dark moments but it is no longer a consistent feeling. I am working so hard at maintaining myself at this level. It's crazy how much of an effort I have to make to avoid numbness, but it has certainly been worth it. I have accepted that I might never be what some might call "balanced" but the result of the work I put in outweighs the dark, abysmal and gaping hole.
Actually, I love planning and coordinating events in general. I have also taken on planning a July baby shower for a friend. I enjoy the creative process that goes into getting everything together. I enjoy making the phone calls to vendors and to find out information. I love coming up with decor themes and ideas, I just really enjoy the stress. It's invigorating rather than unhealthy. It's the endorphin inducing kind of stress, not the chemical imbalance kind and it is really good for me to feel like this.
I was at quite a low point almost two months ago, but I have to say that I have been feeling better. I have started an exercise routine and have changed my eating habits quite a bit. I am also taking vitamin B12 and fish oil and they have made such a difference in my energy levels and moods. I am generally in good spirits, which is such an accomplishment for me. I have my low, dark moments but it is no longer a consistent feeling. I am working so hard at maintaining myself at this level. It's crazy how much of an effort I have to make to avoid numbness, but it has certainly been worth it. I have accepted that I might never be what some might call "balanced" but the result of the work I put in outweighs the dark, abysmal and gaping hole.
 |
| It may seem easy to live numbly but please, promise me, you wont ever forget how to feel |
Sunday, April 8, 2012
I Still Dont Know What I Stand For
I've been in a funk lately. Let's just say that I have not been very pleasant to be around. After much analysis, and a laundry list of factors that contribute to my mood, I have come to the realization that I make no effort whatsoever to be happy.
I dont know what has given me the impression that happiness just walks in through my front door with no invitation needed. I never seemed to notice that happy people actually work at being happy. To me, it seemed like it was something they were born with and just came naturally to them. And while I do think there are naturally happy people out there, being consistently happy requires work.
I do NOTHING to make myself happy. In fact, I realize I do things that intentionally sabotage my happiness. For example, I have never regretted spending time with friends and yet I find myself constantly turning down invitations to meet up for lunch or to go watch a movie. Why? So I can wallow in loneliness at home? So I can complain about how I never seem to do anything fun? So I can give myself more time to think and analyze myself to death?
I dont really know why I do it. I could argue that being miserable does not require any effort on my part and therefore it is easier to be unhappy, but I would be wrong. Being unhappy requires just as much effort as its counterpart does. Just like you would chose to do things that make you happy, you choose to do things that make you unhappy.
I beleive that, innately, I am an unhappy person. My life has not been filled with things that make the average person innately happy. I did not have a conventional childhood, I did not have loving, supporting, normal parents, I did not do the average things children do in their youth. I didnt get to experience being carefree, or traveling, or playing or even doing the things I wanted to do without worry. I have been responsible my whole life. I have done "the right thing" my whole life... even when the right thing isnt what I really want to do. Responsibility is all I know. It is what I am comfortable and familiar with. Responsibility doesnt have risks or consequences...there is no fear related to it. And that is the root of my problems.
I dont ever do what I want. I dont ever do what I think is gonna make me happy. I always do what is expected of me. I was expected to be a good student, so I was. I was expected to go college, get a job, be an adult, so I did all those things. Did I really want to do them? I'm not sure. At some point in my life I thought I did. Maybe at some point in my life, I did want to do these things but I am certain that I no longer feel that way. I no longer beleive that any of the things I have accomplished with my life were what I really wanted.
Thinking back, the things I have always really wanted to do have risks attached to them. I've always wanted to write a book, to travel the world, to open up a little coffee shop, but all these things have risks and risk is something I am not comfortable with. In fact, I was taught to avoid them at all costs. Now I see why I feel so little reward from my accomplishments. I have taken no risks. Just like they say the higher the risks, the higher the rewards, I am living proof that the lower the risks, the lower the rewards. At this point in my life, am I too old to start taking risks? How do I walk away from almost 26 years of responsibility? How do I make myself comfortable with doing things that might not be "right" or "responsible?"
I realize my life is not a movie where things always work out in the end. I know this is reality and that the risks I take wont always be rewarding, they will also have consequences. So it comes down to whether I choose to continue living safely or choose to live wildly. If I chose safety, I know things will turn out fine because they are fine now, but I also know I will lose the opportunity that have really lived my life and I could end up regretting it since I will never get it back. If I chose wild, I face the possibility of losing everything I have worked hard for but in my journey to "live" I might stumble upon what truly makes me happy.
Is the mere possibility of finding happiness worth facing the risk of losing the stability I have built? Is being stable worth more than living vs merely existing?
I dont know what has given me the impression that happiness just walks in through my front door with no invitation needed. I never seemed to notice that happy people actually work at being happy. To me, it seemed like it was something they were born with and just came naturally to them. And while I do think there are naturally happy people out there, being consistently happy requires work.
I do NOTHING to make myself happy. In fact, I realize I do things that intentionally sabotage my happiness. For example, I have never regretted spending time with friends and yet I find myself constantly turning down invitations to meet up for lunch or to go watch a movie. Why? So I can wallow in loneliness at home? So I can complain about how I never seem to do anything fun? So I can give myself more time to think and analyze myself to death?
I dont really know why I do it. I could argue that being miserable does not require any effort on my part and therefore it is easier to be unhappy, but I would be wrong. Being unhappy requires just as much effort as its counterpart does. Just like you would chose to do things that make you happy, you choose to do things that make you unhappy.
I beleive that, innately, I am an unhappy person. My life has not been filled with things that make the average person innately happy. I did not have a conventional childhood, I did not have loving, supporting, normal parents, I did not do the average things children do in their youth. I didnt get to experience being carefree, or traveling, or playing or even doing the things I wanted to do without worry. I have been responsible my whole life. I have done "the right thing" my whole life... even when the right thing isnt what I really want to do. Responsibility is all I know. It is what I am comfortable and familiar with. Responsibility doesnt have risks or consequences...there is no fear related to it. And that is the root of my problems.
I dont ever do what I want. I dont ever do what I think is gonna make me happy. I always do what is expected of me. I was expected to be a good student, so I was. I was expected to go college, get a job, be an adult, so I did all those things. Did I really want to do them? I'm not sure. At some point in my life I thought I did. Maybe at some point in my life, I did want to do these things but I am certain that I no longer feel that way. I no longer beleive that any of the things I have accomplished with my life were what I really wanted.
Thinking back, the things I have always really wanted to do have risks attached to them. I've always wanted to write a book, to travel the world, to open up a little coffee shop, but all these things have risks and risk is something I am not comfortable with. In fact, I was taught to avoid them at all costs. Now I see why I feel so little reward from my accomplishments. I have taken no risks. Just like they say the higher the risks, the higher the rewards, I am living proof that the lower the risks, the lower the rewards. At this point in my life, am I too old to start taking risks? How do I walk away from almost 26 years of responsibility? How do I make myself comfortable with doing things that might not be "right" or "responsible?"
I realize my life is not a movie where things always work out in the end. I know this is reality and that the risks I take wont always be rewarding, they will also have consequences. So it comes down to whether I choose to continue living safely or choose to live wildly. If I chose safety, I know things will turn out fine because they are fine now, but I also know I will lose the opportunity that have really lived my life and I could end up regretting it since I will never get it back. If I chose wild, I face the possibility of losing everything I have worked hard for but in my journey to "live" I might stumble upon what truly makes me happy.
Is the mere possibility of finding happiness worth facing the risk of losing the stability I have built? Is being stable worth more than living vs merely existing?
I do not know...I truly do not know.
Title of post is "Some Nights" by fun. Pretty fitting huh?
Friday, March 9, 2012
I'll Carry You Home Tonight
I've been sick as a dog the past 3 weeks. Just when I start to feel better, my throat gets itchy or my nose gets stuffy. Overall, I am feeling 100 times better now than I did 2 weeks ago..I mean it was so bad, I didnt go to work for a full week.
In more interesting news, I've been looking for new music. I have a process I go through whenever I just get an itch to discover a new band or artist. What I do is keep a running lists of musicians that are mentioned in either magazine articles or randomly on the internet or facebook or if they are on the up and coming artist lists, or on the radio, etc. Then when the mood for a change strikes, I look up their music. I discovered one of my favorite bands, The Black Keys, this way.
I have recently discovered a new band called fun and I think I am going to be LOVING them for a while. They have released 2 albums, one a few years back and one Feb 2012 called Some Nights. Currently, their song "We Are Young" featuring Janelle Monae is being played on the radio non stop and I have to say that I absolutely adore it.
Their album is quite refreshing. There is such an eclectic mix of sounds and styles all mixed together but it flows beautifully. Sometimes they sound like Queen, sometimes they sound like Blink 182, sometimes they sound like Phoenix. Their songs are loud, with harsh beats and undertones in the background. It almost seems noisy but it works so well. The lyrics are clever, insighful and heartfelt. Listening to some songs, I imagine some of the lyrics are literally random thoughts that pop up in the writers mind. They are thoughts we all have and things we all feel but dont express them.
This band doesnt fit any mold and this album is unlike anything I have heard. I went through an array of emotions while listening to Some Nights. It makes you want to dance, to cry, to think, to feel, to sing out loud at the top of your lungs. "We Are Young" makes me want to be free, have fun, live wild...I imagine myself in a crowd of people shouting the chorus at the top of lungs and just feeling like I could live forever.
In more interesting news, I've been looking for new music. I have a process I go through whenever I just get an itch to discover a new band or artist. What I do is keep a running lists of musicians that are mentioned in either magazine articles or randomly on the internet or facebook or if they are on the up and coming artist lists, or on the radio, etc. Then when the mood for a change strikes, I look up their music. I discovered one of my favorite bands, The Black Keys, this way.
I have recently discovered a new band called fun and I think I am going to be LOVING them for a while. They have released 2 albums, one a few years back and one Feb 2012 called Some Nights. Currently, their song "We Are Young" featuring Janelle Monae is being played on the radio non stop and I have to say that I absolutely adore it.
Their album is quite refreshing. There is such an eclectic mix of sounds and styles all mixed together but it flows beautifully. Sometimes they sound like Queen, sometimes they sound like Blink 182, sometimes they sound like Phoenix. Their songs are loud, with harsh beats and undertones in the background. It almost seems noisy but it works so well. The lyrics are clever, insighful and heartfelt. Listening to some songs, I imagine some of the lyrics are literally random thoughts that pop up in the writers mind. They are thoughts we all have and things we all feel but dont express them.
This band doesnt fit any mold and this album is unlike anything I have heard. I went through an array of emotions while listening to Some Nights. It makes you want to dance, to cry, to think, to feel, to sing out loud at the top of your lungs. "We Are Young" makes me want to be free, have fun, live wild...I imagine myself in a crowd of people shouting the chorus at the top of lungs and just feeling like I could live forever.
Like I'm infinite...
Friday, February 24, 2012
The Most Beautiful Song of All Time
When I was a little girl, my parents listened to a very famous and very talented singer/poet named Juan Luis Guerra. If you mention him to any Dominican person, they know exactly who he is. He is like the Bob Dylan/Bruce Springsteen of Dominican Republic.
Basically, Juan Luis Guerra turns his poems into music. So his songs are not only pleasant to the ear but they are also lyrically beautiful. I am in constant search of artists that are exceptional writers. To me, lyrics are more important that the sound of the artist. There are a lot of people out there that sing fantastically but to be able to both write and sing well is rare.
With that said, I was listening to some old Spanish songs I grew up with. One of them is a Juan Luis Guerra song called "Burbujas de Amor." I have to say that this has to be the most beautiful love song ever written. The imagery expressed in this song is out of this world. The meaning get lost in the translation into English but basically he discusses how he wishes he was a fish that would forever be wet with this love he feels for a woman. He would touch his nose to his fish tank and make love bubbles all over the tank. He would make silhouettes of love under the moonlight and he talks about how just the sound of her voice makes him weak. It all sounds so strange in English, but I guarantee you ask any Spanish person and they will understand.
In any case, I have never heard a more beautiful metaphor for love. It stirred up a lot of memories and I was overcome with nostalgia about the past and my childhood. I dont often think about my childhood, but this song took me right back and man did I break down. I had such a strong connection to my past through this song that I could have sworn I was 8 years old again. I remembered my parents listening to this song, I remembered when I first heard it. I remembered how simple life was during that time.
Mostly, I remember my dad and I cried like a baby because I realized how much I miss him. I would do anything to have my dad back. Remembering how he used to be really opened my eyes to how much he has changed and this realization has left me helplessly broken.
Basically, Juan Luis Guerra turns his poems into music. So his songs are not only pleasant to the ear but they are also lyrically beautiful. I am in constant search of artists that are exceptional writers. To me, lyrics are more important that the sound of the artist. There are a lot of people out there that sing fantastically but to be able to both write and sing well is rare.
With that said, I was listening to some old Spanish songs I grew up with. One of them is a Juan Luis Guerra song called "Burbujas de Amor." I have to say that this has to be the most beautiful love song ever written. The imagery expressed in this song is out of this world. The meaning get lost in the translation into English but basically he discusses how he wishes he was a fish that would forever be wet with this love he feels for a woman. He would touch his nose to his fish tank and make love bubbles all over the tank. He would make silhouettes of love under the moonlight and he talks about how just the sound of her voice makes him weak. It all sounds so strange in English, but I guarantee you ask any Spanish person and they will understand.
In any case, I have never heard a more beautiful metaphor for love. It stirred up a lot of memories and I was overcome with nostalgia about the past and my childhood. I dont often think about my childhood, but this song took me right back and man did I break down. I had such a strong connection to my past through this song that I could have sworn I was 8 years old again. I remembered my parents listening to this song, I remembered when I first heard it. I remembered how simple life was during that time.
Mostly, I remember my dad and I cried like a baby because I realized how much I miss him. I would do anything to have my dad back. Remembering how he used to be really opened my eyes to how much he has changed and this realization has left me helplessly broken.
To Sacrifice But Knowing to Survive
I made a huge decision a few minutes ago...I have decided that I am going back to school to get my Master's degree.
I have been out of school for almost 5 years now. I've always wanted to get my Master's but I have kept putting it off for years now. The best time would have been right after I got my Bachelor's since I was still in school mode but instead I needed a break. It was initially supposed to be a short break, like a year or so, but it has turned into a 5 year break.
I dont know how to get into the flow of school again. My last year in college, I worked 32 hours a week at a hotel and I was a Resident Assistant at school. The stress of work and school contributed to my mental downfall. I am scared that I might be overexerting myself again since I work so many hours at IBM. I dont even know how I will find time to take classes or much less study.
I could keep putting it off but when I make up my mind about something, there is no turning back for me. Something clicked this morning and this is an official decision. I am going to apply for Fordham Grad School since I got my Bachelor of Science there, but I think I'll aim a bit higher and perhaps try NYU or Columbia Grad schools. I mean, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna go all out and aim for the best. I also have to think about the financial aspect of this decision, so I might have to choose cheaper schools but I'll figure the details out as I go.
I'm terrified that this wont work out or that I'll fail, but I never want to look back and regret not doing this. If my mind is made up, I cannot and will not let fear stand in my way. I've always known sacrifices result in rewards and I have always survived all my sacrifices.
Title post is "Walk" by the Foo Fighters
And I'm scared....quite shitless
I have been out of school for almost 5 years now. I've always wanted to get my Master's but I have kept putting it off for years now. The best time would have been right after I got my Bachelor's since I was still in school mode but instead I needed a break. It was initially supposed to be a short break, like a year or so, but it has turned into a 5 year break.
I dont know how to get into the flow of school again. My last year in college, I worked 32 hours a week at a hotel and I was a Resident Assistant at school. The stress of work and school contributed to my mental downfall. I am scared that I might be overexerting myself again since I work so many hours at IBM. I dont even know how I will find time to take classes or much less study.
I could keep putting it off but when I make up my mind about something, there is no turning back for me. Something clicked this morning and this is an official decision. I am going to apply for Fordham Grad School since I got my Bachelor of Science there, but I think I'll aim a bit higher and perhaps try NYU or Columbia Grad schools. I mean, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna go all out and aim for the best. I also have to think about the financial aspect of this decision, so I might have to choose cheaper schools but I'll figure the details out as I go.
I'm terrified that this wont work out or that I'll fail, but I never want to look back and regret not doing this. If my mind is made up, I cannot and will not let fear stand in my way. I've always known sacrifices result in rewards and I have always survived all my sacrifices.
This one will not be any different
Title post is "Walk" by the Foo Fighters
Thursday, February 23, 2012
And I'll Love You Always
I've been planning my wedding and so far it is really not as simple as I thought it would be. I really don't want this whole big event with 200 people and a catering hall. Truly I want the most minimal type wedding. I am not the Cinderella kind...I wouldn't have minded eloping in Vegas to be honest.
However, we decided to have an actual ceremony. When I picture myself getting married, I see myself on a beach so we have decided to do a destination wedding in Dominican Republic. I love the appeal of waves in the background and pictures with the sunset and my feet dipped in the ocean.
I want something simple, minimal, and elegant with a touch of vintage. The more minimal and simple things are, the better. I want everything to be white, including flowers and decor and have a pop of an accent color. I'm thinking yellow. I would also want the bridal party to all wear white too and I think it would be beautiful if all guests were dressed in white as well.
With the simplicity of my requests, I thought this would be an easy thing to plan. It really, really isn't. There are so many little things involved...invitations, music, decor, menu, etc. Decisions, decisions, decisions!
However, we decided to have an actual ceremony. When I picture myself getting married, I see myself on a beach so we have decided to do a destination wedding in Dominican Republic. I love the appeal of waves in the background and pictures with the sunset and my feet dipped in the ocean.
I want something simple, minimal, and elegant with a touch of vintage. The more minimal and simple things are, the better. I want everything to be white, including flowers and decor and have a pop of an accent color. I'm thinking yellow. I would also want the bridal party to all wear white too and I think it would be beautiful if all guests were dressed in white as well.
With the simplicity of my requests, I thought this would be an easy thing to plan. It really, really isn't. There are so many little things involved...invitations, music, decor, menu, etc. Decisions, decisions, decisions!
Title of post is "Part One" by Band of Horses
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
My Worst Addictions
Has anyone noticed that Netflix has a shit ton of TV shows available for instant viewing now? At first, there were only a few ones there but now, they have EVERYTHING. Even National Geographic shows and How It's Made, Wicked Attraction, The Wonder Years, etc.
I have been on a TV show rampage lately. All I do is watch TV shows on Netflix. Mostly I'm stuck on How I Met Your Mother and Vampire Diaries. I'm obsessed really...it's pretty sad. How I Met Your Mother is HILARIOUS!! Like roll on the floor, slap your leg, wiggle around, laugh like I've never laughed before hilarious. I swear there have been many a times where I have had to catch my breath from how funny this show is. I just love the relationships between all the characters on the show and I think it's so corny in the most hilarious way possible. I absolutely love this show!
I'm also obsessed with The Walking Dead and Dexter :) I see a pattern..I seem to like dark, disturbing shows lol (with the exception of How I Met Your Mother) There's a bunch of other shows on my Netflix queue that I cant wait to start watching (United States of Tara mostly lol). This works out well for me since I'm trying not to go out and spend money all year
I have been on a TV show rampage lately. All I do is watch TV shows on Netflix. Mostly I'm stuck on How I Met Your Mother and Vampire Diaries. I'm obsessed really...it's pretty sad. How I Met Your Mother is HILARIOUS!! Like roll on the floor, slap your leg, wiggle around, laugh like I've never laughed before hilarious. I swear there have been many a times where I have had to catch my breath from how funny this show is. I just love the relationships between all the characters on the show and I think it's so corny in the most hilarious way possible. I absolutely love this show!
Vampire Diaries is so entertaining. The show has so many twists and turns. There is always a surprise in each episode that keeps you on your toes. There is enough action and enough talk that you don't get bored either way. The story line is thrilling and exciting and everyone hooks up with each other. Overall, the show is hot and sexy. The three main actors are all so good looking. I just love the mystery behind the characters and the show in general. Plus, I'm a sucker for vampire romances. Trust me, this is no Twilight though. There is violence, blood, guts and sex here.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I'm Still Around
It seems like I have less and less time to myself nowadays. I literally have not been able to find 20 min to post on my blog. There are so many things going on right now. I have a very bad habit of always keeping myself super busy and working on some sort of project.
Here's an update of whats been going on so far:
1. Work-As much as I hate what I do, apparently I am good at it. I recently got a very unexpected promotion. I am now a balance sheet lead for global technological services at IBM. So I manage the companies technological assets and liabilties. This was truly unexpected as I had only been in my dept for less than a year, but I accepted the promotion for the challenge and the fact that it would look great on my resume. I hope I dont regret my decision
2. Family-The triplets turned one last week and I planned their birthday party. It was a small get together just for our families. I enjoyed planning it and everything turned out great. I spend a lot of my free time with the triplets and my sister. As crazy as those kids can get, I start to miss them if I dont see them every few days. I want to be a huge part of their life and I want to make sure they know and understand this. I never want them to miss me.
3. Relationship-So Victor and I just recently celebrated our seven year anniversary on the 9th of this month. I am absolutely certain that he is the one for me and after seven years together, and almost 2 years of being engaged, I finally decided to get these wedding plans started. We have decided on a destination wedding to Dominican Republic in October of this year. So I have been busy looking up wedding ideas and locations so I can finalize everything ASAP. I know that I'll blink and it will be Sept and I'll have nothing done, so I'm making sure to start early. I am enjoying planning this and it will definitely keep me busy for most of the year.
4. Health-I stepped off the exercize wagon when I went to DR in December and I thought I would just climb back on but it has proven to be difficult. I am definitely gonna get myself back on, especially since I am going to have to go wedding dress shopping in a few months. I refuse to not look and feel my best on my wedding day.
5. Other-Along with the wedding planning, I am working on trying to finish decorating my apartment. I plan to stay here for quite some time while we save up to buy a house, so I want it to be comfortable and beautiful. So far, it feels large and empty so I have a few DIY projects I'm gonna start working on to fill up empty wall space.
I am also working on getting rid of all my debt by the end of this year. I am taking this so seriously, it's not even funny. I havent been going out at all and I have been so broke this whole year because I am sending ludicrous amounts of money to pay off my credit cards. I even set up this spreadsheet where I can cross off things as I pay them and I'll know how much credit I have available and where to move around my balances so that I could pay the least interest. This is no joke to me
I am excited about this year. I think I am gonna get a lot accomplished and I have a lot to look forward to.
Here's an update of whats been going on so far:
1. Work-As much as I hate what I do, apparently I am good at it. I recently got a very unexpected promotion. I am now a balance sheet lead for global technological services at IBM. So I manage the companies technological assets and liabilties. This was truly unexpected as I had only been in my dept for less than a year, but I accepted the promotion for the challenge and the fact that it would look great on my resume. I hope I dont regret my decision
2. Family-The triplets turned one last week and I planned their birthday party. It was a small get together just for our families. I enjoyed planning it and everything turned out great. I spend a lot of my free time with the triplets and my sister. As crazy as those kids can get, I start to miss them if I dont see them every few days. I want to be a huge part of their life and I want to make sure they know and understand this. I never want them to miss me.
3. Relationship-So Victor and I just recently celebrated our seven year anniversary on the 9th of this month. I am absolutely certain that he is the one for me and after seven years together, and almost 2 years of being engaged, I finally decided to get these wedding plans started. We have decided on a destination wedding to Dominican Republic in October of this year. So I have been busy looking up wedding ideas and locations so I can finalize everything ASAP. I know that I'll blink and it will be Sept and I'll have nothing done, so I'm making sure to start early. I am enjoying planning this and it will definitely keep me busy for most of the year.
4. Health-I stepped off the exercize wagon when I went to DR in December and I thought I would just climb back on but it has proven to be difficult. I am definitely gonna get myself back on, especially since I am going to have to go wedding dress shopping in a few months. I refuse to not look and feel my best on my wedding day.
5. Other-Along with the wedding planning, I am working on trying to finish decorating my apartment. I plan to stay here for quite some time while we save up to buy a house, so I want it to be comfortable and beautiful. So far, it feels large and empty so I have a few DIY projects I'm gonna start working on to fill up empty wall space.
I am also working on getting rid of all my debt by the end of this year. I am taking this so seriously, it's not even funny. I havent been going out at all and I have been so broke this whole year because I am sending ludicrous amounts of money to pay off my credit cards. I even set up this spreadsheet where I can cross off things as I pay them and I'll know how much credit I have available and where to move around my balances so that I could pay the least interest. This is no joke to me
I am excited about this year. I think I am gonna get a lot accomplished and I have a lot to look forward to.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Questionnaire Extraordinnaire
In an effort to get myself back into the flow of blogging, I am posting a few times today. I saw a questionaire that a good friend of mine filled out and thought it would be interesting to do the same..simply cuz I can and because work is slow ;)
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
-Dont have my iPod right now but I put my Spotify app on shuffle and here are the first 6 songs:
1. Fantasy-The xx
2.The Kids Dont Stand a Chance-Vampire Weekend
3.Tears Dry-Original Version-Amy Winehouse
4.He Can Only Hold Her-Amy Winehouse
5.Laredo-Band of Horses
6.The Only One-The Black Keys
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
-Ryan Gosling ;)
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
-You can cancel the slide show at any time by pressing Escape (I'm at work, the only book around was Quick Course in Microsoft Powerpoint 2000)
4) What do you think about most?
-Losing weight
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
-Ok, cool. Thanks
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
-With clothes on
7) What's your strangest talent?
-Hmmm...dont think I have one. maybe..I'm really good at remembering numbers? I dont know
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
-Girls have more power than they realize; Boys hardly ever grow up
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
-Yes
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
-Hmm, I am more of an air drummer myself so I can remember the last time I played air guitar..maybe a few months back?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
-Do I? Yes, many. I hate body fluids, especially spit. I am scared of ghosts, demons anything related to the paranormal. I cant go into tunnels or tight spaces, I fear of being raped and murdered, I fear of not being able to find an exit if being chased or if there is a fire, I could go on and on but I guess these are the wierdest.
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
-Um, does a Q-tip count?
13) What's your religion?
-Good question. I am not sure about this at the moment. I was raised Catholic but I dont think that is the right religion for me. I believe in God whole heartedly and I give praise in any way I could but I dont want to tie myself down to any religion, so I guess you could say I am just spiritual.
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
-Running errands, going to someones house, shopping or eating
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
-Definitely behind it
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
-Oh boy, impossible to choose..The Black Keys maybe?
17) What was the last lie you told?
-I try hard not to lie so I cant remember when was the last time I blatantly lied about something
18) Do you believe in karma?
-Yes definitely
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
-My organization/OCD/need for structure is both my strenght and my weakness
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
-Ryan Gosling
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
-Nope-I'm scared something will crawl up a hole lol
23) How do you vent your anger?
-Crying behind closed doors or putting it to the back of my mind and moving on
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
-Empty glass jars (one day I'll make something out of them)
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
-Phone..or texting
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
-I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I know I dont want to be anybody else
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
-Hate: burping/farting; Love: my niece and nephews' laughter
28) What's your biggest "what if"?
-What if I would have majored in something I love rather than Accounting? Where would I be?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
-Hell yeah. I cant watch any movies about ghosts or aliens because otherwise I cant sleep at night
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
-Right Arm: my printer at work; Left Arm: my phone at work
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
- Soy sauce-I'm having sushi for lunch
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
-some hick town in North Carolina
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
-West coast-better weather
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
-Hmm..Adam Levine from Maroon 5 maybe
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
-To experience, to enjoy, to make mistakes, to find yourself, to lose yourself, to be sad, happy, to be alone, to be accompanied, to learn, to make a difference, to strive, to yearn, to seek, to never find yourself with nothing to do, to be passionate, to love and to be loved.
36) Define Art.
-Visual representations of what goes on in extremely creative and talented people's heads
37) Do you believe in luck?
-Sometimes
38) What's the weather like right now?
-Rainy, slushy, but not too cold for this time of year.
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
-Yes and yes. I had someone crash into me and I crashed into a rail pretty recently
41) What was the last book you read?
-I Wrote This For You
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
-Kind of
43) Do you have any nicknames?
-Maure
44) What was the last movie you saw?
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
-Thankfully, I have never seriously injured myself. I guess the worst injury has been scraping my knee when I was a little girl to the point where I couldnt wear pants for like a month. It's actually the only scar I have
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
-No, while I love butterflies and think they are beautiful, I am kind of creeped out by them. They are still insects after all
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
-I always have an obessesion..it's how I get by. My current obsessionsare my Kindle Fire, getting my hair to grow, Naked Eye Makeup, How I Met Your Mother, and pinterest.com
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
-Not that I know of
50) Do you believe in magic?
-Meh..not really
1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
-Dont have my iPod right now but I put my Spotify app on shuffle and here are the first 6 songs:
1. Fantasy-The xx
2.The Kids Dont Stand a Chance-Vampire Weekend
3.Tears Dry-Original Version-Amy Winehouse
4.He Can Only Hold Her-Amy Winehouse
5.Laredo-Band of Horses
6.The Only One-The Black Keys
2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
-Ryan Gosling ;)
3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
-You can cancel the slide show at any time by pressing Escape (I'm at work, the only book around was Quick Course in Microsoft Powerpoint 2000)
4) What do you think about most?
-Losing weight
5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
-Ok, cool. Thanks
6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
-With clothes on
7) What's your strangest talent?
-Hmmm...dont think I have one. maybe..I'm really good at remembering numbers? I dont know
8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
-Girls have more power than they realize; Boys hardly ever grow up
9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
-Yes
10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
-Hmm, I am more of an air drummer myself so I can remember the last time I played air guitar..maybe a few months back?
11) Do you have any strange phobias?
-Do I? Yes, many. I hate body fluids, especially spit. I am scared of ghosts, demons anything related to the paranormal. I cant go into tunnels or tight spaces, I fear of being raped and murdered, I fear of not being able to find an exit if being chased or if there is a fire, I could go on and on but I guess these are the wierdest.
12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
-Um, does a Q-tip count?
13) What's your religion?
-Good question. I am not sure about this at the moment. I was raised Catholic but I dont think that is the right religion for me. I believe in God whole heartedly and I give praise in any way I could but I dont want to tie myself down to any religion, so I guess you could say I am just spiritual.
14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
-Running errands, going to someones house, shopping or eating
15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
-Definitely behind it
16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
-Oh boy, impossible to choose..The Black Keys maybe?
17) What was the last lie you told?
-I try hard not to lie so I cant remember when was the last time I blatantly lied about something
18) Do you believe in karma?
-Yes definitely
20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
-My organization/OCD/need for structure is both my strenght and my weakness
21) Who is your celebrity crush?
-Ryan Gosling
22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
-Nope-I'm scared something will crawl up a hole lol
23) How do you vent your anger?
-Crying behind closed doors or putting it to the back of my mind and moving on
24) Do you have a collection of anything?
-Empty glass jars (one day I'll make something out of them)
25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
-Phone..or texting
26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
-I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I know I dont want to be anybody else
27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
-Hate: burping/farting; Love: my niece and nephews' laughter
28) What's your biggest "what if"?
-What if I would have majored in something I love rather than Accounting? Where would I be?
29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
-Hell yeah. I cant watch any movies about ghosts or aliens because otherwise I cant sleep at night
30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
-Right Arm: my printer at work; Left Arm: my phone at work
31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
- Soy sauce-I'm having sushi for lunch
32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
-some hick town in North Carolina
33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
-West coast-better weather
34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
-Hmm..Adam Levine from Maroon 5 maybe
35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
-To experience, to enjoy, to make mistakes, to find yourself, to lose yourself, to be sad, happy, to be alone, to be accompanied, to learn, to make a difference, to strive, to yearn, to seek, to never find yourself with nothing to do, to be passionate, to love and to be loved.
36) Define Art.
-Visual representations of what goes on in extremely creative and talented people's heads
37) Do you believe in luck?
-Sometimes
38) What's the weather like right now?
-Rainy, slushy, but not too cold for this time of year.
40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
-Yes and yes. I had someone crash into me and I crashed into a rail pretty recently
41) What was the last book you read?
-I Wrote This For You
42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
-Kind of
43) Do you have any nicknames?
-Maure
44) What was the last movie you saw?
-The Rocky Horror Picture Show
45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
-Thankfully, I have never seriously injured myself. I guess the worst injury has been scraping my knee when I was a little girl to the point where I couldnt wear pants for like a month. It's actually the only scar I have
46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
-No, while I love butterflies and think they are beautiful, I am kind of creeped out by them. They are still insects after all
47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
-I always have an obessesion..it's how I get by. My current obsessionsare my Kindle Fire, getting my hair to grow, Naked Eye Makeup, How I Met Your Mother, and pinterest.com
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
-Not that I know of
50) Do you believe in magic?
-Meh..not really
New Year, New Beginnings
Here is my first post in 2012. I have been meaning to write but I havent been able to find the time since work was overwhelming for the first 2 weeks of January.
In any case, I have decided to make 2012 the year where I cross as much things as possible off my To Do list in life. I have an ongoing To Do list where I basically add more to do's than I take off, but I want that to change. For starters, here is my list. I have kept many of the same things but have also made a few additions and removed some things as well. I want to keep this list as realistic as possible.
In any case, I have decided to make 2012 the year where I cross as much things as possible off my To Do list in life. I have an ongoing To Do list where I basically add more to do's than I take off, but I want that to change. For starters, here is my list. I have kept many of the same things but have also made a few additions and removed some things as well. I want to keep this list as realistic as possible.
Ongoing To Do's
1. Physical and mental health and well being
2. Dedicate more time to pampering myself
3. Grow my hair long enough to donate
4. Get married
5. Finish decorating my apt
6. Eat healthier and greener
7. Take more pictures
8. Pay off credit card debt
9. Save more money
10. Learn new recipes, cook more/bake more
11. Find a career that makes me happy
12. Travel more (Paris?)
13. Find out info about going back to school for my Master's degree
14.Get new glasses
15. Figure out how to stay happy
I am really going to focus on getting these done this year, but I'll be ok if not all of them get crossed off. Some are more important than others (number 1, 6, 8, and 9 are examples) so I will have to prioritize and just see where life takes me this year.
The Importance of Being Earnest
I started this post on the 28th of December but never finished it. So here is what I wrote..it's basically some updates for the month of December.
First, my car was fixed...all $6,452 worth of damage. It runs well but I can tell that its not the same as it was before. The auto repair shop did a pretty good job fixing everything but as we speak, my car is in the shop again because I felt like my trunk wasnt closing all the way and my passenger side lights didnt work. So I didnt have signal lights or brake lights on the right side of the car. I could get a ticket or get into another accident, so I took the car back for the final repairs.
Second, on Dec 13th, my mother and I left to Dominican Republic for a family reunion that week. I came back the 19th and my mother came back the 23rd. We were flying using a buddy pass that I got from Victor's job so the tickets were pretty cheap but we have to fly stand by. Turns out everyone and their mother goes to Dominican Republic in December, so I didnt end up leaving on the flight I wanted to. In fact, we ended up going to Puerto Rico and stayed there for 2 days at my aunts house, then took a flight to Dominican Republic Thursday morning, the 15th.
While in DR, we took the opportunity to visit as much family as possible the few days I was there. I spent a lot of time amongst my cousins that took care of me when I was just months old and with cousins that are close to my age and I never get to see because of the distance. On the 18th, we had the family reunion and I got to meet uncles and cousins that I only knew by name. There were people that I never even knew existed and there were people that I had only met once in my life and didnt even recognize them. The experience was unforgettable. I have to say it was one of the best in my entire life. The way I felt amongst my family was surreal. Everyone was accepting and everyone embraced the other as if we knew each other our whole lives. I was comfortable, I didnt feel judged, I felt loved, content and I felt so happy.
I am glad I got to realize how important family really is and how necessary it is to ones health. I will definitely be making more of an effort to stay in contact and to visit family as often as I can.
First, my car was fixed...all $6,452 worth of damage. It runs well but I can tell that its not the same as it was before. The auto repair shop did a pretty good job fixing everything but as we speak, my car is in the shop again because I felt like my trunk wasnt closing all the way and my passenger side lights didnt work. So I didnt have signal lights or brake lights on the right side of the car. I could get a ticket or get into another accident, so I took the car back for the final repairs.
Second, on Dec 13th, my mother and I left to Dominican Republic for a family reunion that week. I came back the 19th and my mother came back the 23rd. We were flying using a buddy pass that I got from Victor's job so the tickets were pretty cheap but we have to fly stand by. Turns out everyone and their mother goes to Dominican Republic in December, so I didnt end up leaving on the flight I wanted to. In fact, we ended up going to Puerto Rico and stayed there for 2 days at my aunts house, then took a flight to Dominican Republic Thursday morning, the 15th.
While in DR, we took the opportunity to visit as much family as possible the few days I was there. I spent a lot of time amongst my cousins that took care of me when I was just months old and with cousins that are close to my age and I never get to see because of the distance. On the 18th, we had the family reunion and I got to meet uncles and cousins that I only knew by name. There were people that I never even knew existed and there were people that I had only met once in my life and didnt even recognize them. The experience was unforgettable. I have to say it was one of the best in my entire life. The way I felt amongst my family was surreal. Everyone was accepting and everyone embraced the other as if we knew each other our whole lives. I was comfortable, I didnt feel judged, I felt loved, content and I felt so happy.
I am glad I got to realize how important family really is and how necessary it is to ones health. I will definitely be making more of an effort to stay in contact and to visit family as often as I can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)