Live On and Be Yourself

I am not a fan of hip hop music, but every once in a while a hip hop artist I find worthy comes around. I heard the song "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis for the first time a few days ago and I was struck by how incredible it was. It almost brought me to tears. It discusses gay rights and same sex equality in such an intelligent way that it is almost like a lecture and I havent been able to stop listening to it.

Personally, I have always been an LGBT supporter. I truly and honestly do not see anything wrong with being gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, bi-curious, and whatever else is out there. Everyone is different and nobody has the right to judge people for being who they are.

NOBODY. 

The song has a great lyric, among many, that says:

 "A preconceived idea of what it all meant/For those that liked the same sex/Had the characteristics/The right wing conservatives think it's a decision/And you can be cured with some treatment and religion/Man-made rewiring of a predisposition/Playing God." 

 To me this means that gay people are just being who they were born to be, they arent choosing to be gay and they cannot be fixed with treatment. It's just like race, you are born into it, you cant choose to be Black or White or Asian or American, you just are who you are. It really is that simple and I'm not sure where it all went wrong. I'm not sure what gave people the right to judge others for just being themselves. What makes any of us straight people any better than gay people? So what if they don't like people of the opposite sex? I dont like red meat, does that make me any less of a human being? 

NO.

Recently, one of my nephews was caught putting on lipstick and my sister yelled at him and snatched the lipstick away from him. She told him that lipstick is for girls and he shouldnt be wearing it. My nephew got upset and I told my sister that she shouldnt have done that. She shouldnt have yelled at him for experimenting with lipstick. He is 2 1/2, what does he know about makeup? He is curious and had probably seen her wearing lipstick and wanted to try it too.

Aside from yelling, the mistake she made was upsetting him for being curious. What if he turns out to be gay? That incident might be something that sticks in his head and he might feel like it's not okay to be himself. I advised her to make sure that her children feel like they can be who they want. She needs to make sure they know that they will be loved and supported no matter what. I told her not to mold them into preconceived notions of boys only wearing blue and playing with cars and girls wearing pink and playing with dolls. If my nephews want to play with dolls, let them. If my niece wants to play with cars, so be it. I tried to make it a point to her that her children fitting into the roles of society is not important. What is important is them feeling that they have the freedom to express themselves any way they want to and that if society does not accept them, then the people who matter and who love them always will.

And I urge everyone to do this. You never know the difference you can make in someones life by just telling them "I support you" or by making them feel like them being different from you doesnt change anything. I think the saddest thing in the world is when you dont have the freedom to be who you want to be, love who you want to love and just live how you want to live because others arent comfortable enough with themselves to accept that you are different. Here is another lyric from "Same Love" that resonates with me:

 "When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are"

All these homophobes ,who use the Bible to defend their unjust and ridiculous excuses, have is issues with themselves. If you are comfortable with your sexuality and who you are, then what does another persons sexuality have to do with you? Why should it matter to you? How sad is it that there are people who are taking their own lives because they feel like death is better than living? 

As a society, it is imperative that we change. The world is constantly evolving and we dont know what's in store for us ahead. I do believe acceptance is happening slowly. There are certain laws that have recently been approved and little by little, the states are making same sex marriage legal. It is important that this change continues because in the long run, there are more important things to worry about. Same sex equality doesnt make the world a terrible place, but the hate and ignorance that comes from people does. 

I commend Macklemore for writing "Same Love" and for challenging society. I commend him for using his celebrity status to get a positive message across and for encouraging people to take a step back and reconsider their way of thinking. I commend him for putting something out there that will bring comfort to those that are struggling to come to terms with themselves and I hope and truly believe that this song will help many.

If I could send a message to all the people who are facing internal battles, I would tell them to just live your life the way you want to live it. Dont ever change yourself to comfort others, dont ever deny yourself the right and the opportunity to do what you want to do and be who you want to be. It is an opportunity that is inherent and cannot be taken away from you by anybody. You have a right to pursue happiness and if it makes others uncomfortable, that is their problem, not yours. As "Same Love" states: "Live on and be yourself."

Your Only Flaw, You Are Flawless

Can we talk about how flawless Demi Lovato is? Yes, I know she is a Disney star. Yes, I am fan girling. Yes, I am aware that I am inching my way to 30 years old and probably shouldn't engage in this type of behavior, but I am who I am. I am also not ashamed to admit that I just spent my whole morning watching YouTube videos of Demi performing nor am I ashamed to admit that if she goes on tour, I AM BUYING TICKETS!

Out of all the Disney stars, this girl is actually really talented. She has one of the strongest voices I have heard in quite some time. I mean there is so much power in her voice that it's almost hard to believe. Her vocal range is out of this world and when she opens her mouth to sing, I get goosebumps. I mean, she really blows all these other young artists out of the water. It;s like there is a mature edge to her voice, a hoarseness, that can only be developed from experience. At her ripe age of 20, she has been through quite a ride. 

Demi, like typical childhood stars, was on a downward spiral. She was abusing drugs and alcohol, was self medicating and was basically just out of control.  She hit rock bottom when she physically assaulted one of her backup dancers  and her family stepped in and had an intervention. The admirable thing about her is that she was able to catch herself and pull it together. She ended up going to rehab where she worked through so many issues including self mutilation, eating disorders, and depression. She took full responsibility for all her actions and made an extraordinary recovery. 

After rehab, she was open about her struggles and shared them with the world through a documentary. She wanted  teens going through similar issues to be encouraged to seek help and treatment. She wanted them to know that they were not alone and that they could get through anything. She is also a strong advocate of self love and is one the few celebrities who is absolutely beautiful, curvy and weighs more than 100lbs.  In a world where there are very few role models, I think Demi shines as one of the best and most positive role models teens have nowadays. Personally, I think she is pretty awesome and I admire her for making such a huge change in her life at such a young age. 

 So this amazing and talented girl has recently released a self titled album that I have been listening to relentlessly. I also recently discovered that Demi has covered "How To Love" by Lil' Wayne and "Stay" by Rihanna. Now, everyone knows that I am a sucker for cover songs and I happen to love both those songs, so of course I had to YouTube her performances. Let me tell you that Demi puts both Lil' Wayne and Rihanna to shame. She changed up some of the words to "How To Love" and when she sings the bridge and says "I just want you to know that I deserve the best, I'm beautiful. I'm beautiful...And I just want you to know, I'm far from the usual, far from the usual" I swear a tear streamed down my face because she sings those particular words with such conviction that nobody would doubt she believes them. The same goes for when she sings the bridge in "Stay," she sings it with the same pain Rihanna does but is able to hit a note that drives it home, unlike Rihanna. I swear, both these covers are top quality and they are flawless, just like Demi ;)

*Title of Post is from "Flawless" by The Neighbourhood* 

"Stay" Cover

"How To Love" Cover

What's New?

My previous post was my 200th post on this blog. I decided to make another post just to take the pressure off and bring it to 201 ;)

I just wanted to let people know that there is a lot of good music out there at the moment. I mean seriously good stuff:

Demi Lovato released a new album, "Demi," that is great in a young, adult poppy sense but I really like it. Judge me all you want, I know she is a Disney start but she has an amazing story and voice to go along with it. I mean, this girl can sing! Check out "In Case," "Nightingale," and "Warrior" off her new album so you can hear the pipes she's packing.

My new favorite band, The Neighbourhood, released their album, "I Love You," and it was nothing less than the excellence I expected. Who doesn't love a band that does everything in black and white? They have a great pop sound, meaningful lyrics and a mysterious aura that just lures you in and capture you. Listen to "Sweater Weather" and "Female Robbery" to get a taste of what they are about.

Paramore has a new album, "Paramore," out with a more grown up sound. Hayley Williams' voice has matured as well as their lyrics. You can tell the band is in a different and better place. They tried out a few different sounds so they have some very rock like songs, some pop songs and even have ukeleili's! I like it and to quote one of their own lyrics after all this time, I'm still into them. Listen to "Part II" and "Hate to See Your Heart Break" to hear a new sounds.

Lastly, Fall Out Boy, is not a band that I adamantly listened to in the past because I always felt they were too mainstream and geared towards teenagers (but when has that stopped me?.) However, their new album, "Save Rock and Roll," is awesome. I love their sound, which is really edgy and different from their past music. They've got good beats and it's an album that you can listen to continuously without skipping songs. Try "Phoenix" and "Death Valley" for some upbeat tunes.

And I should officially become a music reviewer for a magazine

You is Smart, You is Kind, You is Important

I am growing up. 

A part of me hates this, but a bigger part of me loves it. 

The hate part stems from the fact that responsibilities are never ending and  no one does things for you. You have to take care of yourself, provide for yourself, feed and clothe yourself, etc. And while these things might sound ideal for those teenagers I follow on tumblr, the reality is that it's not always fun. It's scary as fuck and it causes constant worry and stress. The good news is that you get used to it and become independent, but its still scary to think about sometimes. 

The part of me that loves what is happening is the one that is growing into who I am. We go through such a long and painful journey growing up. Our teenage years are filled with so much drama and so much worrying about fitting in and what other people think about us. There is constant insecurity and we are always trying to live up to other people's expectations. The best thing about growing up is that those things no longer matter. You don't have time to worry about what anyone thinks about you. There is a certain confidence that comes with age. That is why the elderly don't give a shit about what people think of them and go about doing what they want. 

It's hard thing to describe, but there comes a point in your life where you notice that it is okay to not be okay. It's okay to not agree with everyone, to not wear the latest trends or give into the latest obsessions or watch the most popular shows or movies. It's okay to like shitty music and read shitty books and eat shitty food.  There is something special about those people who just live their lives they way they want to, not the way society says they should. Of course, there is nothing wrong with following the crowd, if that is who you really are. There is no right or wrong answer on how to be yourself, as long as you are your true self. 

The title of this post is from one of my favorite movies, called "The Help," where one of the black maids raising a little, chubby white girl who didnt get her mother's attention because she was not what society would describe as perfect, would say this to the little girl every day. Then she would make the little girl repeat it back to her and I cant even begin to tell you the significance of that. Thinking, saying, or  feeling that you are smart, kind and important is the difference between a strong, confident person and a weak, insecure one. 

If only we all had that one person in our lives that told us this constantly and made us believe it. Sadly, most of us don't and most of us figure this out on our own, though it may take years upon years. It may take tragedy, a breakdown, and a disaster but at some point when we are able to rise up from the ashes, we rise up not only knowing those things, but actually believing them.

That is what growing up is.

That is what growing up has been for me. 

And that has been the most liberating and most rewarding feeling I have ever experienced. 

Still Into You

Every once in a while I get the urge to be mushy and loving, this is one of those times.

Does anyone ever have a moment where they are overpowered by the feelings they have for someone else? Like you are just sitting there and then all of a sudden you get hit with a wave of emotion. You realize things, good or bad, that perhaps you have never noticed before and you are left with a life changing feeling once this moment passes.

This happened to me recently. I started thinking about my husband (still not used to calling him that) and I was overwhelmed by what I felt for him. I realized that we have been together for 8 years and my feelings for him are still as strong as the day I fell in love. If we were to ever part, I would compare every man to him and I know that nobody would ever live up to him.

I still get butterflies before I see him sometimes, I miss him when I dont get to spend time with him even though we live together, and the greatest feeling in the world is falling asleep next to him. Now I know that I am dangerously close to being corny as fuck, but these things are all true and I want to put them out there. I really and truly love my husband, he is one of a kind. He is so sweet, genuine, funny and has the best heart. He had the worst upbringing and had nobody to guide him and yet he managed to authentically be a good person. He kept himself together and went against the odds to make something of himself. That kind of achievement deserves respect and honor.

Everyday I realize how lucky I am to have married someone like him. He lets me be myself and never judges me. He lets me have my freedom and supports all my antics, even when they dont make sense and this lets me know that he wants me to be happy. And because we are a real couple, things are not always rainbows and unicorns, but even at our worst moments, I never have any regrets about him and I have never, ever questioned how I feel about him. In fact, when everything is out of control in my life, the one thing I am sure about is how I feel about him. It's my connection to reality, it keeps me grounded and it brings me back.

And now that I have crossed the corny/pathetic line, I can wrap this up. My husband is not perfect and has many flaws, but so do I. I never believed in marriage but now that I am married, I get it. It is different from just being in a relationship because you take a vow and you are bonded both spiritually and legally. You become family despite not sharing blood and there is nothing more important in life than family. Life is not a fairy tale, he is not Prince Charming, I am not Cinderella. He didnt sweep me up on his white horse or release me from a tower. My life is no Disney movie, but it's still pretty damn perfect.



Title of Song is "Still Into You" by Paramore which describes everything I'm feeling perfectly. 

We Remember Moments

Life has been...well, life. I have been feeling good. I have been okay. I'm slowly getting there. The weather is getting better and that has helped me dramatically because the amount of sunlight and warmth there is outside is directly related to the amount of sunlight and warmth I feel inside myself.

I've been enjoying myself. Going to happy hour with co-workers, having lunch with friends, spending time with the triplets, having conversations with my husband (still not used to calling him that,) shopping for random things, playing with my new iPhone, discovering new music, going to concerts (Andrew McMahon, I worship the ground you walk on,) watching less TV, reading more, spending countless hours on tumblr,  searching for a new TV show to obsess over, eating peaches and plums, discovering new uses for coconut oil, decorating a friends new apartment, training for the Color Run,  and just generally taking it easy. I cant wait for summer because this is gonna be one that I'll remember...I just know it.

If I May Just Take Your Breath Away

The older I get, the more I accept myself as I am and for who I am. I dont know if times are changing or if I am just really becoming an adult, but I am really starting to not care about what other people think of me. I actually like myself...sometimes. I have many, many flaws and I am by no means perfect in any way, but I am not ashamed to be me. I am proud to be me, I accept me and I dont care if nobody else does.

It's crazy because I feel that I have always been me no matter what, but in the past I have worried about how I was being perceived. Now, I really cant even stress it. I know who I am: I am obsessive, quite selfish, contradicting, confusing, reserved, young minded, uptight and sometimes dramatic. But at the same time I am also loyal, strong, independent, responsible, creative, amicable, open and sometimes fun. I see both sides of myself and I dont need anybody to point out my flaws or my good qualities.

As I sit here sipping coffee out of my Vampire Diaries (Team Stefan) mug and listening to the Taylor Swift "Red" album, while wearing polka dot pajamas and looking forward to reading the next John Greene novel, I don't feel ashamed about anything. I have a pretty damn awesome life and I plan on enjoying it.



Title of post is from "Sweater Weather" by The Neighbourhood, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE

I'll Stay Awake-Twenty One Pilots

I just very recently discovered these guys (like 2 months ago) and I have been obsessed to an almost unhealthy degree. Why? Because I have NEVER EVER EVER heard a sound like Twenty One Pilots. Yes, I know that I don't know anywhere near enough about music and I know that I haven't listened to even 5% of the world's available music, but in my years and in my own short life, I have yet to come across a sound as unique as Twenty One Pilots.

They are made up of two guys, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun, who I assume are in their mid 20's. There is currently not much information about them because they are a fairly new band (they formed in 2009) and they seem to be very private. They are described as an American pop duo but I dont think their sound has a label it would fit under completely. They have some pop aspects, there is a little rock, and a little hip-hop and rap. Tyler Joseph is the group's vocalist and also plays the piano while Josh Dun is the drummer.

 

I stumbled upon these guys while looking for something new and boy did I get what I was looking for. Their lyrics are unique, clever, different, inspiring, and just plain good. Their songs switch between different genres of music from one second to the other. It can start off with rapping, then it goes into a pop song but has a rock inspired bridge or drum solo. I love that you don't know what to expect and that their songs sound like a few different songs combined into one.

Here is "Ode to Sleep," a perfect example of the combination of different sounds. Enjoy!

Kissing in the Blue Dark-Lana del Rey

 Lana del Rey, whose real name is Elizabeth Grant, is a saucy, little vixen with a soulful, 50's and 60's inspired sound. Her obvious talent is in her song writing with controversial and almost inappropriate lyrics. For the most part, she is pretty underground (being a YouTube sensation and all) but is starting to make a name for herself, especially after her highly criticized SNL performance last year.

What I love about Lana del Rey is that she says what she wants in her lyrics and doesn't really care what people think. She is one of those troubled, free spirits that lives in her own world, much like Amy Winehouse. Although her voice doesn't compare to Amy Winehouse's, there is a sad undertone in her voice that just draws you in. Her range is pretty unique, which in turn makes her whole sound different and refreshing. She sort of emulates what you would expect to see and hear in jazz clubs/lounges back in the 50's and I absolutely love that

She has released 2 albums under the name Lana del Rey and they have both had much success. Her first album, "Born to Die," is one of those albums that you can listen to in its entirety. I could say that I love pretty much every track on there, with my favorites being "Blue Jeans," "Video Games," and "Million Dollar Man."  I pretty much obsessed with this album for months upon months and while I dont think that Lana del Rey will be a household name, I actually really love the fact that she will be a beautiful gem in the world of underground music.

 Listen below to one of her singles and probably my favorite song "Blue Jeans."

The Best Things in Life-Ed Sheeran

Seriously, everyone needs to give this British Ginger Angel a chance. He is a true talent, sings like an angel and writes like a genius. I feel like I am listening to excerpts from his personal diary when listening to some songs. All his songs have such beautiful melodies and his voice is like silk against these melodies. The guy is also really into hip-hop, which is such a change from his music but makes me like him all the more. To top it off, he comes off as down to earth and humble, which makes you root for him because you know he is in it for the music and nothing else.

His album "+" (yes, a plus sign) was recently nominated for several Grammy awards this year, but did not win any. I've had + on repeat for months with "Give Me Love," "This," and "Sunburn" being my favorites. With lyrics like "after my blood is drowning in alcohol" in "Give Me Love" and "I could do without a tan on my left hand, where my forefinger meets my knuckle" in "Wake Me Up," the album was definitely Grammy worthy.

 I've also heard his songs on several TV shows (The Vampire Diaries being a big Ed Sheeran supporter-which makes me love the show more) and movies. I myself have used his lyrics for titles of several posts.


This guy has not yet gotten the recognition he deserves just yet, but I feel like he will soon. Talent like that does not go ignored. I am anticipating his second album and I really think the potential for his success will be comparable to Adele's. Just wait and see...

Here is "Give Me Love," one of the most powerful ballads on his album.

Let Me Show You a Few Things

So I'm really liking the fact that Justin Timberlake decided to put out new music. I really enjoyed his last album "FutureSex/LoveSounds" but this was years ago. I remember I was in college and living in the dorms in the Bronx and I worked in Yonkers so I would take 2 buses to get to work 4 times a week. I would start this album at the beginning and it would be done by the time I got to work (always late by the way.)

His new song "Suit and Tie" has a nice old school vibe to it and I haven't gotten tired of it yet, so I'm excited for any new songs that will be released. I always look forward to new music from old favorite artists.

Speaking of new music, there are a few artists that I have been completely obsessed with lately and  I LOVE to share my obsessions and get other people to obsess too. So in order to get myself to post more often and to share wonderful music with everyone, I am gonna make separate posts for each artist that I have had on repeat the past few months/weeks. Here is a list of what to expect:

1. Ed Sheeran

2. Lana Del Rey

3.Twenty One Pilots

4.Imagine Dragons

5. Various Cruelties

6. Lights

7. Jessie Ware

I Haven't Found a Drop of Life

I have to say that I don't particularly enjoy this time of year very much. The weather is cold and dreary and it gets dark out at 5pm. Things to do are pretty limited because its freezing out..and I mean freezing literally. The highest temperatures the past few weeks have been in the teens. Also, it is the beginning of an entire year and while that year goes by quickly, I don't feel the speed of time passing by until a few months in.

So right now, I've been feeling anxious. Like I'm waiting for something to happen but not enough time has gone by yet. I don't know if I'm waiting for warmer weather or for motivation or what, but I feel like I'm at a stand still. When I picture this year in my head, I see myself having so much fun but we are already 2 months in and nothing has happened. For some reason, I just feel lost and like something is missing.

Someone once said "the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why." I guess I have yet to experience the second most important day of my life...

Title post is from "Addict with a Pen" by Twenty One Pilots

..And At Once I Knew I Was Not Magnificent

This blog is pretty plain, not much decor or anything going on here huh? I'll have to change that soon. It's a goal of mine for the new year.

Speaking of the new year, I am still feeling quite hopeful. I have many ideas and I've been inspired to accomplish many recurring items on my Lifetime TO Do List (I'm definitely a list person if you cant tell by now.) I have also been thinking about where I want to take this blog. It started out as a public diary, a way of tracking life events, or fleeting emotions and feelings. I often look back at posts and reminisce about what I wrote. I appreciate the fact that I can go back to a certain point in time and recall exactly what I felt because I wrote about it in such detail. Therefore, I know that I want to keep this blog going, even if its just for myself. What I will change is the frequency of my posts. I definitely want to make sure I capture this year because I feel so optimistic about it (so optimistic that I even inserted the quintessential cheesy quote pic in this post), so with that being said, I will make every effort possible to write a post every Friday starting today. I'll make it a habit so it becomes second nature.

I will also continue to post, not only about my feelings at the moment, but my discoveries in myself, in music, in art, in life, and just in general. I want to be able to look back and remind myself of the time where I made a change in my life, whether its a different way of thinking or a new band.  This blog has never been about sharing with the world, it has always been for me and my future selves. So I am making an effort to stop disappointing myself and living up to the things I imagine in my head.

Title post is "Holocene" by Bon Iver

This Year

There is a new year coming and I am feeling optimistic. I feel like this is going to be the year where I make the changes in my life that will lead me to being happy. This is the year where I hope to start the rest of my life.

I plan on paying off all my debt and starting fresh for 2014. I plan on traveling, finally losing those last 20lbs, cooking more, eating healthier, getting a new job, saving money, having fun, and just living. I want this to be the year where I look back and pinpoint it as the start of when things got good. I want to work on having a good and healthy marriage. I want to have fun.

I will try to stay this positive throughout and we will see where this positivity will take me.

2012 A Year in Review

Well I definitely don't write here as often as I did in the past. I truly don't know why because I love to write and I'm sure I could find the time a few days a week. I guess I'll make that a New Year's Resolution then. It's not too early to start talking about the new year since we are exactly 18 days away from 2013.

It really feels like this year just flew by. There are so many things that happen in 12 months but it all just feels like yesterday so it's hard to grasp the fact that so much time has gone by.So I put together a list of all my favorite things that happened in 2012. I think I am gonna try to do this every year going forward.

2012: My Favorite Events

-The triplets turned one

-Made 7 years with Victor

-Saw The Black Keys in concert for the first time

-Visited my godsister in VA

-Started planning my wedding 

-Took Alyssa to get her first haircut

-Went apple picking

-Got a Keurig

-My little brother graduated from high school

-Helped my brother move into his dorm

-Victor got his Associates Degree

-Had the opportunity to spend some time in Argentina and Uruguay

- Got to vacation in Dominican Republic with all my best friends and family

-Got MARRIED in Dominican Republic

-Lost 20lbs and have kept them off 

-Went to a family reunion for a second year in a row

-Voted for the 3rd time in my life!

-Planned a baby shower :)

-Got to see the triplets begin to grow up

I'm sure there is much more but I cant remember it all. This gives me hope for 2013 because so many wonderful things happened in 2012 without me even making an effort. Come next year, I will make an effort and I think it will be a good year :)

This is the Start of Something Beautiful, This is the Start of Something New



Maurylyne & Victor
10.19.12

So it happened, I am officially married now! All the planning and details and phone calls and emails all paid off. The wedding was beautiful and I had such a great time. It was truly an unforgettable experience and I am so glad that we went through with it. No regrets... 

Title of post "This" by Ed Sheeran

After My Blood Turns Into Alcohol

The mood to write strikes when I feel down and out. At this point, I don't think it matters because I don't think anybody reads this blog anymore anyway.

There are so many exciting and life changing things that will be happening in the next few weeks and while I do feel excited and happy, I am also sad and depressed. I'm scared of change, I'm scared that I don't know what I'm doing, that I wont be ready for these changes, that I'll fail in my new role. There is so much uncertainty about everything that's gonna happen  and I cant find a source of comfort or an anchor to root me in this chaos. I have never thought it possible to feel so lonely amidst so much loving and caring people that surround me. I continue to seek the support and approval of the one person who will not give it to me.

At this point, I am doubting things and it's all stacking up. I wish I could just find some stability, some relief, something familiar, something that will let me know it will all be okay. I search and search and have no clue what I'm looking for. All I know is I have yet to find it. When will I feel like I will be okay?

I feel like I have lost so much in the past year and I'm still grieving what I thought my life was gonna be like. What I wanted my life to be like, what I EXPECTED my life to be like. At what point will I accept that nothing is like it was? At what point will I be okay with the fact that things wont ever be the same? Do I have to lose myself in the process of accepting change and adapting? Or do I become a different person? Or do I simply live in a perpetual state of nostalgia? I have so many questions and don't know where to begin to find the answers I need.



Title of post is from "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran

It's Harder to Recall the Many Bad Times

Have you ever found a song that makes you sit back and think about your life? A song that makes you nostalgic, but the kind of nostalgia that you relish and want to hold on to? A song that elicits a flutter in the pit of your stomach and although you don't know what the feeling is, you want to keep it for as long as possible.

I think that moments like that are the reason music exists. Those artists that are truly talented and love what they do, chase those feelings and want to live and bask in them, which is why they make music for a living. And those same feelings are the criteria I use when I'm listening to new music. If it doesn't stir something up in me, it isn't worth my time.

Band of Horses has managed to blow me away with a few songs in each of their albums. To this day, I still claim "Infinite Arms" as my favorite song ever. We even chose it for our first dance at our wedding next month because when I first heard it, I thought of Victor and I thought of our relationship. The song made me catch my breath and it reminded me of the way Victor makes me feel and the way I feel about him. I never wanted to let go of those feelings and I still get them no matter how much I listen to this song. When I played it for him, he loved it too!

 I recently experienced something grand while listening to the new Band of Horses album, Mirage Rock, for the first time. I let the whole album play on Shuffle and when the song "Long Vows" came on, I had to stop what I was doing and sit down. Its a ballad with a sort of woodsy, bluesy country rock vibe and it made me feel a level of nostalgia I have never experienced before.

I put the song on repeat and I kept getting such a strong level of longing for happier times that it bought tears to my eyes and before I knew it, I broke down and I cried for a while. It was a very necessary cry, one that was cleansing, one that bought relief, one that was long overdue because I hadn't had a good cry in so long. I have so much going on right now that I haven't had time to just sit down and think. I didn't know that I needed to let it all out and I didn't know that I needed encouragement or assurance, but I got all these things from simply listening to this song.

I heard "All that you seek/All that you set out to find/Don't let anything change your mind," and got encouragement. I heard "But blankets fall, they don't stay in place just as they were made," and realized that things change and that I have to accept it. Lastly, I heard "And no one's gonna show you the way/When it gets cold you can find yourself made/Back in the hole from which you came/And everything will fall into place." I just needed to know that when all this mayhem going on my life is done, everything will eventually fall into place and everything is gonna be okay.

At the risk of sounding cliche, this is why some people say that music changes their lives...because it does. It really, really does...

Seasons Come and Seasons Go

Wow, I have truly neglected this blog. I don't write nearly as much as I did when I first started this thing. I guess life has gotten way busier since then and also, I don't really have followers so there isnt anybody waiting for a post from me. I write for myself really

I really don't have much to update since my life has been pretty consistent the past several months. I swim in the stress of work, planning my wedding, family time, new obsessions and just the everyday things in life. I am still continuing my healthier lifestyle and couldn't be happier about it. I am seeing results and I feel good everyday, despite my lack of sleep.

Also, fall is upon is. This is my most favorite, favorite time of year. I absolutely love everything about the fall..the colors, scents, food, fashion, weather, everything. I remember I used to make lists on things to accomplish/do with every season. I think I'm gonna start doing that again, with my fall list being the first one. So here is the list I came up with of things to do this season:

1. Apple picking

2. Infuse fall scents into my home (pumpkin, apple, cinnamon)

3. Pumpkin coffee/lattes

4. Take more walks

5. Museum visits

6. Get fall fashion items (boots, jackets, sweaters,etc)

7. Try a new fall inspired recipe (pumpkin, apples, etc)

8. Fall cleaning/apartment makeover

9. Crochet a new hat/scarf for the coming winter

10. Watch new seasons of The Vampire Diaries, The Walking Dead and Dexter!

Is it sad that I am most excited about #3 and #10?

Alterations

About 5 weeks ago, I joined Weight Watchers. I realized that my wedding date was approaching fast and I was not finding the motivation I needed to get into the shape I would be happy in for my wedding. I needed some sort of guidance, schedule, a checkpoint or something so I decided to try Weight Watchers.

It has been the best decision I have made as far as healthy living/weight loss goes. It's so easy, a first grader could do it. You just put in your current weight, your goal weight and the amount of time you want to lose the weight in. Then they calculate how many "points" you can eat per day in order to achieve your weight loss goal.

The point system is really so simple and effective. Virtually anything you eat can be found in the points database and instead of counting calories, fat grams, sodium, etc, you simply count points. So for example, I am allowed 30 points per day (points vary on the amount of weight you want to lose and the amount of time you have.) All fruits and vegetables have no points, so you could eat them all day and they don't count towards your daily count.

 Now, I will admit that 30 points per day is NOT a lot of points at all. I could easily eat 12 points in just one meal (medium french fries are 11 points, Chinese food is easily 25 points, 4 chicken nuggets is 6 points, medium Hagen daze sorbet is 12 points, see where I'm going?) On a healthier note, a 6 oz container of Chobani Greek Yogurt is 4 points alone, so I have to plan out what I eat well and I have to incorporate a lot of fruits and veggies in my day so that I stay satisfied and full.

In addition to your daily points, you get a number of plus points to spread out during the week. So basically they are like cheat points in case you go out that week and eat a little extra or something like that. I have an additional 49 points per week, so basically 7 extra points per day. I am proud to say that I have never used my entire 49 points in the weeks I have been doing this. Some days I go over my 30 by a few points, and on the weekends I use up a few as well, but I try not to use the plus points at all.


Let me tell you that it has been a lot easier than it sounds. At first, I struggled to stay within my 30 daily points and I felt like nothing satisfied me. I was frustrated because I wanted to eat fries like everyone else was but I knew that if I did, I would have to eat fruits the rest of the day. I was not happy at all, but at some point between week 1 and now currently week 5, something changed. I subconsciously started making healthier food choices, even when I was going out to eat.

I no longer crave or desire greasy fast food anymore. I find myself looking forward to eating that peach or my spinach salad. Once in a while, I want something sweet or fatty and I'll take one or two spoonfuls of ice cream or cake. If I really, really crave something, I'll just eat it and adjust the rest of my day accordingly. I dont feel deprived, I NEVER feel hungry and even when I just have the munchies, I still make healthy food choices. It's crazy because it's like I dont even know who I am anymore lol. I have been able to sit with a group of people eating salad or drinking water, while they all eat a hot fudge brownie or a slice of pizza and I have been okay. Once you get over those initial 2 weeks, things get so much easier. Your cravings are controlled and eating healthy becomes a habit, not a chore.

Weight Watchers works, I have watched my body change in just 5 weeks. I have lost a total of about 15lbs in 5 weeks, without doing intensive workouts (actually I barely work out at all to be honest.) I have consistently lost 2-3lbs every week, so I know it's healthy weight loss that I will not allow to come back. I am going to start a workout routine since I only have 2 months left til the wedding and I'm sure this will tone me up and help with even more weight loss.

A few days ago, I tried on my wedding dress. When I purchased it in May, it was very tight, especially in the hip area. My stomach was permanently sucked in while wearing the dress and I never dared to try and sit down while wearing it because it was just so tight. When I tried on the same dress a few days ago, it wouldn't even stay on! I had to hold the dress up on me so it wouldn't slip and I have so much more room in my hips. The dress is so much more flattering on me now and I cant wait to see how much better it will look when I finish losing these 30 lbs!!