Emotion Is Energy In Motion

Ok so I noticed I never follow up when I say Im gonna post pics or updates or whatever. Ill get to it eventually...Lately, I have been very busy at work. I am mentally exhausted and dont really want to think much about anything when I get home.

I have also been dealing with some family drama (as usual.) I feel I was betrayed by someone close to me and it has been painful to accept. It is just so disappointing when you put expectations on somebody and they completely do the opposite. The expectations were'nt even unrealistic, they were logical. From this betrayal I have learned two VERY important lessons that I want to share:

1) You cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped. More importantly, the more you help this person, the less appreciative they are of your help. Sometimes people need to find themselves deep in their own shit in order to realize that someone is/was offering them help. Sometimes when you give people too much help, they expect it and think that its a way of life, when in reality help is rare.

2) You can never get something back that was not yours to begin with. I was under the impression that something was given back to me and it was hard to realize that it was never mine to begin with. Sometimes people have impressions of others based on a memory or a shared experience, but those impressions dont always remain the same. I am beginning to accept that people change and the way you remember someone is not necessarily the way they are. Sometimes you think you know someone, then something happens and you realize that you dont know them anymore, you just knew them.

I will always remember these lessons because they represent a tremendous change in my life. I am at a point where I got smacked with the reality of life. And let me tell you that it has hurt me so badly. My icicle of a heart is not used to rational emotion and I've prevented it from being hurt for so many years, that I have become unfamiliar with the feeling of true, rational and unfabricated pain.

Suprisingly, I am not angry or bitter and I have not shed a tear because of this betrayal, I am just broken.

Completely broken....