Freedom

This morning, on my drive to work, I was reminded of someone from my past. This person is someone I no longer want anything to do with and who doesnt really exist to me. I feel disappointed, bitter, and humiliated in myself when I think of said person, so thats why I have erased that person from memories of my past. In other words, I freed myself from anything related to this person.

Then I realized that I havent really freed myself at all. I have been keeping myself trapped because I have never really let go of the hurt this person caused me. I have just been repressing it and pushing it back, like pushing durt under a rug.

So as I drove, I decided that I was gonna let go.

I mean really let go....

They say that people need closure in order to really let go of things and I never got my closure. I had opportunities to get things off my chest but my very being was so shattered that in order to save even a piece of it, I could never stoop down to Person X's level, so I ignored X instead. All those insulting emails, letter, texts, phone calls, messages went ignored.

Now that many, many years have passed, I am finally able to articulate what I wish I could have said...would have said and I am ready to just let go. I chalk it all up to being young and foolish and insecure. Its a mistake that I have most definitely learned from and one that will never happen to me again.

If Person X should ever stumble accross this blog, please know this:

I no longer hate you and I am no longer resentful. Now my smile

reaches my eyes and it comes from my heart. I no longer feel

inadequate and I know what Im worth and dont need you or

anyone else to validate me.

I am strong

Your smile will never reach your eyes. It will always be forced

in the midst of all the hate you have for yourself. You will

always be a sorry, pathetic, insecure and lost little boy trying

to fit in with a crowd that he clearly doesnt belong in.

You tried to keep me down but, lets face it, I have always

been taller than you.....in every sense of the word.

I am playing "Manhattan" Kings of Leon on repeat...for some reason, I always associate this song with FREEDOM.