Guilt

Guilt has to be one of the worst emotions to feel, along with regret. Guilt is responsible for keeping me up half the night last night. How do you ever know if you are doing the right thing? How do you know if you are giving someone the right advice? I gave someone advice and led them to make a big decision in their life. Now I dont know if this person made the decision against their will and I will never be sure.

Guilt turns my stomach to knots and makes me feel like I'm in a whirlwind of anguish. Does feeling guilty actually make me guilty? Does it make something wrong because you feel guilty about it? I want to seek assurance and releif but I dont know that I ever will. The thing is that I know that I led this person to do the right thing, so the action is not what makes me feel guilty. I feel this way because I would hate to be the cause of someone elses regret. And I HATE to feel regret because regret means you can never go back.

I wish I could do what the Death Cab song "Soul Meets Body" says in this part:

"Cause in my head there is a greyhound station

Where I send my thoughts to far off destinations

So they may have a chance of finding a place
Where they're far more suited than here"

Why cant I just send the thoughts that are constantly swirling in my head away? My constant thinking about everything is maddening. They are not welcome here to drive me insane and keep me up at night. It reminds me of another Death Cab lyric (yes I am obsessed) from "Marching Bands of Manhattan" that says "I live like a hermit in my own head." Sometimes my thoughts suffocate me and smother me and I have to struggle to break free from them. They always creep up on me just when I think I have tamed them.

But my thoughts are something I have to live with for the time being. I just hope that they will not be coupled with guilt and regret.....